Does anyone feel like they have too many abuse experiences? (possible trigger)

[this_evening_so_soon]

Obviously one is enough, but I mean that the amount of trauma types one can build up in a life feels...crazy.

emotionally abusive dad
domestic violence in childhood home
parental abandonment
emotionally abusive mom + emotional incest
bullying and COCSA
dating an adult when I was a child
medical trauma from psychiatric treatment
domestic violence
physical disability

It seems unbelievable to me sometimes that this stuff could happen again and again. I can see how it's related but it seems ridiculous that it happening. Does anyone else have this experience, and keep bouncing from one abuse situation to another?

[Contessa]

Yes. In fact I was just thinking the exact same thing a few hours ago.

The first trauma I went through, it took a year and a half to recover but I was still functioning in society effectively and exceedingly. I had seen the enlightening lesson in it, and had just started to accept it, then... bang bang bang, I got hit and hit and hit again.

I truly realised today, in a logical and not emotional sense, just how 'too much' it all was. The cumulative effect on my mental and emotional functionality was compunded exponentially.

I am forever changed and damaged now.

I don't think I am in any abusive situation now but I am always on the back foot. Slight adverities destroy me. My emotions bolt like a wild animal.

So yes.

[ah]

Yes, definitely.

It sometimes seems beyond belief 
Started before I was born with an extremely abusive FOO and never stopped since then. Everywhere I went I managed to find the local psychopath and the game just went on. Sigh... 

I guess lack of boundaries, self hatred and self blame, and being so used to abuse that I kept thinking it was normal all played a part in it.
But it still seems unbelievable. So much violence and cruelty, over and over again.

I think being able to see it is part of recovery and learning to respect and protect yourself better.

I can only vaguely imagine who I'd have been if I had a few more normal relationships and fewer abusive ones. Till recently I couldn't have told you the difference between the two, I was too used to abuse and had no clue I could say No.
And abusive people are excellent at pushing people's buttons... with cptsd we're so easy to trigger and shame.

[Dee]

People who have been abused are often revictimized over and over again until they get help.  For me, my abuse as a child set me up for further abuse.  I was taught to be passive, obedient, I had no modeling of healthy behavior and I had no boundaries.  I had absolutely no self esteem either. 

In therapy I have worked on all of these things.  I have spent a lot of time on being assertive and establishing boundaries.  It is only then that I can keep myself safe.

[Elphanigh]

I have had this thought too, actually posted about it here before somewhere. Like Dee has said, people that have been abused are more vulnerable to it again because of the things we learned from the first occurrences.

For me that meant early emotional abuse from Foo, then very extensive CSA until I was almost 14, physical abuse from Foo, then abusive dating relationships, and several narcissists.. I too think I am finally in a place of no abuse, but am always concerned about something occurring again or me not recognizing it.

Bravo to you for posting about this. It is a huge step in healing to recognize all of this. Sitting with you 

[Rainagain]

I have successive traumas too.

They seem totally unrelated but I suppose I am the common denominator.

Revictimisation is a recognised part of cptsd, not sure why, don't understand the mechanism but its there.

[miaoue]

absolutely...and i definitely have a voice in the back of my head that tells me it's *literally too many*. like i must have been making some of them up, or exaggerating them, or something, because this story just strains one's suspension of disbelief.

[Elphanigh]

Miaoue, I will always believe you.  I think I have said those words in nearly the same way before. It an be hard to accept it all, and fathom it as a whole. I promise I believe all of your truth, even if I don't know it. I can't imagine you would make it up for fun, just like I am needing to believe of myself

[Three Roses]

this_evening_so_soon - yes! You're not alone in this. 

[the mirliton]

this_evening_so_soon  I too have questioned myself wondering WHY I keep finding myself in situations that are not at all in my soul's best interest. When speaking with my psychiatric nurse (who is an absolute genius with meds AND an extremely wise and kind healer) Anyway I described to her how I always seemed to be too "gullible" in practically any sort of relationship.  Which of course often has lead to adding yet another trauma on the "trauma-keeper-score-card" of my life.  She said that she did not feel that gullible was a accurate description of me especially since due to the CSA beginning at an early age within my "safe??" FOO, I never experienced what it was like to have boundaries with others. I am a work in progress to be sure and am so grateful for this forum to connect with others who truly understand and offer encouragement to remember to treat ourselves with love and compassion.   

[sanmagic7]

absolutely, and it's taken its toll in too many ways to recount.  i could write pages of lists.  it's overwhelming to think of it and that i've survived with my mind fairly intact, or survived at all.   nope, you're not alone.

[this_evening_so_soon]

absolutely...and i definitely have a voice in the back of my head that tells me it's *literally too many*. like i must have been making some of them up, or exaggerating them, or something, because this story just strains one's suspension of disbelief.

miaoue, I just wanted to let you know that I feel like this all the time too and I'm sorry. That was actually one of the points of this thread, that I feel like I must have imagined some or all of it because it's just too much stuff. It is extremely difficult to take oneself seriously...but it would no doubt be possible if it was someone else's story.

[miaoue]

thank you this_evening_so_soon and Elphanigh i believe your truths, too. the ones i've read on this forum and all the rest. for some reason my brain weasels don't believe for a second that anyone else would make up a trauma story...only me

[Elphanigh]

It is funny how our minds only question our own truths and not anyone else's. Personally I think it is an acceptance thing, like who wants to accept that this much happened? Or that there are so many horrible people out there? It is harder to accept our own truths because it means accepting how much other people chose to ignore our well being

[DecimalRocket]

We learn certain unhealthy coping skills from those traumas that follow us throughout life. Personally, my major trauma was emotional neglect from my parents, teachers and other adults in my life. So in a way, I emotionally neglect myself. Not being able to ask for help, not thinking my emotions deserve care and being as distant as people were to me back then.

People can often consciously or subconsciously see signs of these wounds in a person, and that's why many of us in trauma end up repeating the cycle. Maybe if you can find what cycles you're repeating, you can find a way to handle it. Who knows?

Take care.