Signed off work again

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi,
I'm so relieved for this forum. I feel bad that I haven't been supporting others for a while and to be fair on myself I've been 'out there' trying to 'do it'.
So here I am 'again' signed off work, I can't do it, be a mental health nurse and when I see and hear myself say it, it makes perfect sense. I need to come back to me, self care and not keep driving myself up to this brick wall. I've been fearful to let nursing go because of money, prestige and having a career, I've so wanted a career. I've managed to do it for 10 yrs so it's not so bad hey.
I don't know what is next and I can't even think about it because it totally sends me into a spin of panic. How will I survive? what will I do ? Oh my god I'll end up doing some dead end job.   I can't work right now that's what I do know and I'm lucky in that I can get paid to be off sick from the nhs.
I have to trust and believe ill be taken care of. All through my life I've been ok in spite of having difficult periods in my mental health, so why should now be any different? I think it's because I've in my 40's now I want to feel more secure materially but it's not really happening. I do have some savings though and a decent place to live ( shared house), I have my 12 step recoveries and support from so many people, therapist, small handful of friends and couple family members. I have a relationship with god and a spiritual life, meditation. I have more than some but less than many .
I'm sick of being mentally unstable I really am but like so many things it's about accepting it. It's a long road..
the best thing I have got is people who understand and a relationship with myself today that knows how to be kind to myself and self soothe, be my own loving friend and that is priceless.
Thank u for letting me share and for being here. I just feel frightened and at times hopeless and I need the kind words of others x

[Hope67]

Hi BoatsetsailRose,

I just wanted to offer you a hug of support  - I related to many things you've said there - I also enjoyed my job and found it hard to do, and difficult to give up in the end, but for me, something had to give, and I didn't want my health to be compromised, and I can really relate to wondering what life holds without one - a job that is.

But it sounds like you have some support around you, and that counts for a lot - and this forum is such a supportive and kind and gentle place - and we can all support each other here.   

Hope 

Also, remember you managed to do your job for 10 whole years - wow, that is great.  I think that's definitely not so bad - takes a lot to maintain a job and you did just that.  Be kind to yourself now - that would be my suggestion, if it's ok to suggest that.  Take care.

[Dee]

"What's next?" maybe isn't something that needs to be answered right now.  Give yourself some time to grieve over the loss of a career.  Though, I agree, 10 years is definitely something to be proud of, especially in a field that I suspect has a high burn out rate.  I loss my career and it has been a hard adjustment, I am also in my 40s and I know it is too early.  I working on the next thing slowly.  What I decided the "now what" is to get as healthy as I can.  I think of it as my job.

It also sounds like you can see positives in your life; even ones like being on this forum.

[Eyessoblue]

Hi, I was thinking about you this morning strangely enough! Sorry to hear what you're going through, as Dee said it's important to concentrate on 'now' and not what next, I've done the same and just get myself more anxious and worked up as I can't see I'll ever feel better if I look long term. It's good you have support which I think is what I lack so feel like I'm up against the world, but thank goodness for this site which is my life line.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Thank u all for your kindness. Yes focusing on 'now' is a very good suggestion and one that works well and I shall continue to focus on. Also putting our health first it has to be the way doesn't it ... we deserve that