Slipping back into old habits

[Blueberry]

Tonight I allowed myself to be pushed around and told what to do, in a way that I haven't for a long time. Especially since the person doing it has no say over me, is not in a position of power over me.

I was at a group I go to off and on. I asked politely the way you do in this country if the 3 seemingly empty chairs were free. A woman said "so-and-so is sitting there and there and there and that other seat the social worker, so you can have that seat there at the end of the table. It was like I was getting pushed out of the way and told where I could sit. The conversation at the table was all going on somewhere else.  It turned out that wasn't even the case that these seats were taken up. There were other people to sit on them, but they had no more claim than me.

The situation reminds me of elementary and early high school where that kind of thing happened all the time to me. Somebody would save 10 seats for all their friends, certainly not for me. Fortunately I'm not feeling it as deeply viscerally as I have done about this kind of memory before.

Next time I won't allow this person to dictate to me.

[Libby183]

I know exactly how you feel,  blueberry.  These ordinary situations and peoples' responses can send you right back to childhood,  with the accompanying feeling that you don't matter.

I arrived at my therapy appointment a bit early last week and happened to meet the therapist just inside the door.  Normally,  you just go in and wait.  I said hello, and she said to take a seat and she would be with me soon.  I knew I was early and was heading to a chair,  so I felt really "put down"  and really small. An awful way to start a therapy session for me.

I find it so hard that such simple social interactions become so fraught with emotions,  when we have this over-whelming hurt in our pasts.

Well done for deciding to stand up for yourself next time. It seems a shame,  however, that a group that is meant for support,  isn't set up in a more supportive way.

I wish everything wasn't such a battle for all of us, blueberry,  and I wish you well.

Libby.