Well, it's here

  • 6 Replies
  • 220 Views
*

Phoebes

  • Member
  • 221
    • View Profile
Well, it's here
« on: March 10, 2018, 07:49:24 AM »
I posted a while back about the stress of planning a huge party for enD. It's been stressful, but I was doing alright with it. Feeling pretty peaceful actually. It's tonight!

Where the stress now comes in is...YESTERDAY my B (usually nothing but supportive) decides he wants to invite Nm! and enSD! I have to admit I kind of flipped out. Well, not too bad. I just ranted a little more than I should have. I think what's happened is Nm has used this instance to instill guilt in my B and make him a flying monkey.

My Nm divorced my very codependent and enabling D 28 years ago, both remarried. They speak in passing if it involves the grandkids, which is rare. They are friendly. My B insists that they are such good friends and this will be devastating for Nm not to be there. I can't imagine my dad really wanting her there, or anyone else. B insists that he would want HER there more than many others! I'm very confused, and triggered, and now upset that I thought B understood how manipulative she was. But he doesn't see the award winning acting and control.

Now I don't know if they will show up. Nm was actually asking B when and where the party was. Wha? Seems odd to me to not be invited to something and be asking those questions.

*

Kizzie

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • 6058
    • View Profile
    • Out of the Storm
Re: Well, it's here
« Reply #1 on: March 10, 2018, 11:42:52 AM »
Oh yikes Phoebes!    If you planned the party imo it's totally reasonable to insist that your B undo this and warn her off. He doesn't have to understand why completely, just respect your wishes. It may cause some additional fallout but it's that or put up with being on edge not knowing if she will show up and then if she does, dealing with all that.  Not great choices I know, that's NPD for you though  :thumbdown:

I really hope it all works out :hug:
When it comes to trauma, time does NOT heal all wounds. It is deeply embodied in our mind, body & spirit & requires compassionate, knowledgeable treatment & self-care.

If we want more/better trauma informed treatment & services, we must advocate for ourselves when & where we can.

*

Phoebes

  • Member
  • 221
    • View Profile
Re: Well, it's here
« Reply #2 on: March 10, 2018, 12:00:13 PM »
Thanks, Kizzie. Me too. I would have always thought B would respect my wishes and the boundaries that I thought were there regarding this. But somehow he feels sorry for her not being invited. Nm has always played the victim with not getting invited to family christmas and other family events AFTER she divorced my dad, him begging and pleading with her not to go. So she could then immediately have her lesbian lover move in, in my age range. (No offense to anyone of any preference), but the reason this is strange is that my dad's family, well, they are all pretty vanilla and conservative. They were not a fan of my mom at that time, especially the way she dumped my dad. These are the people who will all be there today.

So, it befuddles me why she would feel entitled to be at the family parties, still after 28 years. It certainly was never about how my dad feels.

*

Kizzie

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • 6058
    • View Profile
    • Out of the Storm
Re: Well, it's here
« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2018, 09:11:15 PM »
How did things go Phoebes?
When it comes to trauma, time does NOT heal all wounds. It is deeply embodied in our mind, body & spirit & requires compassionate, knowledgeable treatment & self-care.

If we want more/better trauma informed treatment & services, we must advocate for ourselves when & where we can.

*

Phoebes

  • Member
  • 221
    • View Profile
Re: Well, it's here
« Reply #4 on: March 13, 2018, 06:25:17 PM »
Hi kizzie- it all went fine actually! My dad was very happy, which was the goal. My Nm did not show up. My sister and I had a good vibe. All was pretty good! As usual STEPNm was crazy but that's to be expected. Thank you for thinking of it and asking. It really helped to have your support..

*

Kizzie

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • 6058
    • View Profile
    • Out of the Storm
Re: Well, it's here
« Reply #5 on: March 14, 2018, 12:56:33 PM »
Oh phew!  So glad to hear it went well - now you can relax (and me as well lol - I joke but honestly I know how triggering that would have been). 

 :hug:
When it comes to trauma, time does NOT heal all wounds. It is deeply embodied in our mind, body & spirit & requires compassionate, knowledgeable treatment & self-care.

If we want more/better trauma informed treatment & services, we must advocate for ourselves when & where we can.

*

Phoebes

  • Member
  • 221
    • View Profile
Re: Well, it's here
« Reply #6 on: March 14, 2018, 08:49:09 PM »
 :hug: