Fear of the obgyn...

[Elphanigh]

Thank you for understanding this. Honestly I am old enough this should have been done a few years ago but honestly at this point what is a month or two really going to hurt? I need the time to actually process and deal with these fears, rather than risk hurting myself with this exam. I want to ensure it won't derail me. I thimk little Elpha and I deserve that. I appreciate so much that you understamd it, although i wish you did not feel those pressures.

Getting back on birth control would be great (I get awful period symptoms).. but it not a necessity right now.

Sending hugs, and lots of love. 

[sanmagic7]

birth control helped my d a lot with bad periods. 

i'm glad for you that you can wait till you're ready.  taking your power back.  love and hugs right back atcha.

[ah]

This is really, really hard for me too. Never got used to them.
Bad experiences with doctors don't help, either.

Just in case this helps, for when you're ready to give it a try:

I have heard from a gyn. once that it's entirely possible to do the same exam lying down naturally, in other positions and even on your side, so you're not in the awful chair. I was so surprised. He said a good doctor will do the necessary exam more than one way, and the quality of the results is still the same so it's apparently more than doable and quite okay to ask. The use of the terrible chair isn't the only way.
Even without the chair it's still a terrifying exam.

I found an article to give doctors with details about different options they can use, it's under "Patient Position and Stirrup Use", here:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3101979/

[Blueberry]

Thanks for the link, ah, it's interesting. Especially the info that examination is possible without that awful chair.

[Elphanigh]

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate all the feedback. Ah, it is great to know that this can be done in different ways. When I get closer I will definitely work on reading through all that. For now the subject is honestly still really difficult for me. I really appreciate everyone's kind words and advice on this. I was so uncertain whether or not I could post it, and have been so wonderfully surprised 

[DecimalRocket]

Ah yes, Elpha. Of course we'll be here for you. You deserve it for your kindness, and even more you deserve it as a human being.

Take care, Elpha. I hope you can remember us during it if you want to. See you. 

[Elphanigh]

Awe, thank you Decimal. That means so much