Progress with my 'difficult' profession

Blueberry · March 15, 2018, 02:41:46 PM

I'm doing another piece of contract work. I can really feel how today it's emotionally much easier than it has been for a long, long time. Even though this piece is a lot easier than the one I had to finish yesterday, it's no harder or easier than types I've been doing for years, on and off, but all of a sudden, I'm not questioning myself and doubting my decisions and doing SH without noticing etc etc. And my brain isn't blanking, blocking or going mushy.

I finished yet another piece an hour ago, that'll be collected later today. For the past few years I've needed a break of a few weeks to get over one short piece of contract work. This week, no. For me this is huge.

And jsut one of these changes that come from work done in trauma therapy rather than any kind of practising.

Hope67 · March 15, 2018, 02:58:12 PM

for your, Blueberry - that is great to hear you're finding things emotionally much easier today than it has been for a long, long time. Great that you're not questioning yourself or doubting yourself, and you've accomplished your contract work ok.

Excited to hear this, it's really good.

Hope

Blueberry · March 15, 2018, 06:08:04 PM

Thank you Hope

Blueberry · March 17, 2018, 08:53:14 PM

But then it got really difficult again unfortunately. Oh well. If it got easy for a bit, then it can probably get easy again for a bit and then a bit longer etc.

sanmagic7 · March 18, 2018, 02:57:21 PM

and a bit longer after that, ad infinitum. way to go, my dear. so very happy for you. you deserve a rousing cheer or three.

Blueberry · March 18, 2018, 04:11:00 PM

Rainydaze · March 27, 2018, 09:46:42 AM

Quote from: Blueberry on March 17, 2018, 08:53:14 PM
But then it got really difficult again unfortunately. Oh well. If it got easy for a bit, then it can probably get easy again for a bit and then a bit longer etc.

That's the way it often goes, peaks and troughs! The really positive thing is that you've acknowledged this and know it can and will get easier again. Continue being kind to yourself and the only way can be up. Way to go Blueberry.

Blueberry · April 11, 2018, 03:46:22 PM

(Peaks and troughs unfortunately isn't applicable in this case blues_cruise because for a long time it's been pretty much all trough. Now I'm beginning to move out of that, then there was that sharp drop down.)

Yesterday I had a really difficult contract job of a slightly different type. Over faster, but way, way harder. I didn't get out of bed till noon, but at least I got out of bed then. And this afternoon I started to get on with another piece of contract work of the hard but not really hard variety. I used to need a far bigger break between jobs - days or even weeks. And I'd be in bed longer.

Also I noticed I did a similar piece of work about a year ago, got stuck, then my brain blanked out completely. Then I handed it back and the client found somebody else. She was willing to give me more time but I knew that time wasn't the issue. I got no pay obviously. Now here I am less than a year later, able to work on it without tying myself and my brain irretrievably in knots!

I'm not quite finished, a mishap could still occur but I'm much calmer and have an easy solution in mind for where I got irrevocably stuck last time.

Blueberry · April 12, 2018, 07:38:45 AM

Yay! I finished it, with half an hour to spare! Which is organised by my standards!

Two other small contracts half in the pipeline (still have to discuss price) and then the super difficult one done on Tues evening - things are looking up. It suddenly feels a bit easier.