News article I'm struggling with, TW incest

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Dee

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News article I'm struggling with, TW incest
« on: March 26, 2018, 08:33:44 PM »

I don't read the news often, but isn't keep me from seeing things on other sites.  I came across a story about a father (39) and his daughter (19) being arrested after a witness saw them having sex in the backyard.  This was in Florida.  They were both arrested for incest.  When they interviewed the brother about it, he said it is the story of his life.  He was a single father raising both his kids alone.  Their mug shots are posted side by side.

I'm struggling with this, greatly, for a few days now.  How is this different?  Her being arrested and her mug shot released says she is guilty of a crime.  She was released on bond.  It does sound like it went on for some time but the father is saying it is a one time thing.  In my mind, if she is guilty then so was I.  I was 17 in the end, she was 19.  My dad was actually charged with incest, why wasn't I?

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Blueberry

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Re: News article I'm struggling with, TW incest
« Reply #1 on: March 27, 2018, 11:15:34 AM »
I only just saw this now Dee, sorry.

She has been arrested, and charged (?) and unfortunately her mug shot released. Has it been through the courts? Has it been proven that she is guilty? Have any psychologists e.g. child psychologists or trauma specialists been involved? Even if the courts pronounce her guilty, what do people think? What do we think? 

Just because they were doing it openly (in the backyard) as opposed to in a locked prison room in the basement and just because she is 19 and therefore over the age of consent does not mean to my mind that this is 'just' incest and not rape. The father is abusing his power over her which he has as her father. Especially if she is still living with him, then idk morally, realistically she is still his dependent. Especially if she had been abused for years, then turning 18-19 doesn't suddenly mean she can see the wrong done to herself and leave the abusive situation.

Dee, you weren't charged because you were a victim of your father's sexual abuse of you! It was his fault. Not only were you under 18 so still a minor, but it started way before then too. He was guilty. You were not guilty. You are not guilty.
Should is
never good,
for me.

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Hope67

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Re: News article I'm struggling with, TW incest
« Reply #2 on: March 27, 2018, 11:22:30 AM »
Hi Dee,
I just want to also stand behind what Blueberry said - she expressed it so well - and it's also helped me as well - because I also feel I am a victim of incest, with my F - and I experienced that in my childhood,  well into my upper teens and even into my early 20's - which makes me feel horrible.

I just wanted to say strongly that I relate to what you said, and it was your father's fault.  He was guilty.  You were not guilty.  You are not guilty.

Hope :)

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Elphanigh

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Re: News article I'm struggling with, TW incest
« Reply #3 on: March 27, 2018, 11:57:12 AM »
Dee, you are not guilty at all. None of the blame falls on your shoulders, and never has. There needs to be aome trauma specialist involved in this case, it hits me wrong if no one even tries to check with her. It just settles wrong to hear no one has looked at that possibility.

Standing with you on this, Dee  :hug:
Happiness turned to me and said - "It is time. It is time you forgive yourself for all of the things you did not become. It is time to exonerate yourself for all the people you couldn't save..Time to accept you don't have to be who you were a year ago. It is time to believe that you're worthy of me"

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Dee

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Re: News article I'm struggling with, TW incest
« Reply #4 on: March 27, 2018, 12:51:21 PM »

My initial thought was the same as yours, she's a victim.  I thought about adding the link here but then thought I was perpetuating the problem.  This happened 18 Feb so no, it hasn't been through the court system yet.  But then, there was something nagging at me that I couldn't shake.  The police thought this was wrong enough to charge her for it.  Not only that, but released her photo.  She was also arraigned.  It was like all the guilt I have been working so hard to resolve came back in a flood.  While I think I can understand this logically, I'm feeling the terrible guilt again, guilt that quieted some, but never fully left.  Triggers like this can be a horrible set back.

I am considering printing it and taking it into my T on Monday.

I also appreciate the strong statements that I am not guilty.  I don't think any of us can hear it isn't your fault and you are not guilty enough.

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Elphanigh

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Re: News article I'm struggling with, TW incest
« Reply #5 on: March 27, 2018, 01:45:16 PM »
Dee, I am glad you are considering taking this to you T. It could be really good to process this flood of guilt. I understand how easy it is for the feelings of guilt and shame to come back, even if logically we may understand it isnít our fault. For me at least, it seems that logical has so little to do with how this all feels and works in my mind.


I also appreciate the strong statements that I am not guilty.  I don't think any of us can hear it isn't your fault and you are not guilty enough.

Really wanted to high light that. It is so huge to see that. We all need and deserve to hear that enough. I never experienced incest, but the self blame that goes with most abuse is some of the worst parts of being a survivor. One of the biggest challenges I think
Happiness turned to me and said - "It is time. It is time you forgive yourself for all of the things you did not become. It is time to exonerate yourself for all the people you couldn't save..Time to accept you don't have to be who you were a year ago. It is time to believe that you're worthy of me"

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Rowan

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Re: News article I'm struggling with, TW incest
« Reply #6 on: April 14, 2018, 06:38:34 PM »
Oh hon. (Hugs).

Itís horrible when the world holds a mirror to our predicament - you are safe. You are going to be ok. You have professional support, and it is most definitely not your fault, in any way.

Rowan

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Dee

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Re: News article I'm struggling with, TW incest
« Reply #7 on: April 16, 2018, 07:29:00 AM »

Thank you.  I keep checking to see if there is an update and so far, nothing.  I really want, almost need, to see that charges against her are dropped.  I'm doing better with it though.  I just feel what a horrible message to send anyone who may be in a similar situation. 

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Hope67

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Re: News article I'm struggling with, TW incest
« Reply #8 on: April 16, 2018, 08:59:13 AM »
 :hug: to you Dee, if that's ok.  I really hope that there will be an outcome soon.
Hope  :)

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artemis23

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Re: News article I'm struggling with, TW incest
« Reply #9 on: April 16, 2018, 09:26:53 AM »
OMG how horrific that poor girl! Those police officers are horrible they should know better. This is a tragedy and that it's in the news. It's perpetuating this crime. I'm so sorry this happened to you. No matter your age it was never your fault! I seriously doubt she wasn't also abused earlier and doesn't have major trauma. Sending you  :hug:

Re: News article I'm struggling with, TW incest
« Reply #10 on: April 16, 2018, 01:35:54 PM »
I agree with what has been said. Our abusers often say things to us to make us believe that it is our fault, and we carry the message with us. For example, "If you weren't so beautiful..." or "If you weren't wearing that..." It was not our fault. We were victimized by perpetrators!!! I am happy to hear that you are doing better with it :)