[Blueberry]

I picked up "role of designated patient" in somebody else's post today. Sorry can't remember whose. I was responding to the post and then realised I was writing for me not the other person, so removed it. Putting it here instead.

Role of designated patient - that's me! Everybody else in FOO is quite 'normal' thank you very much, just Blueberry causes all the family problems.

Well, I've had it with that and with them!! They're not going to change. So, they lose me. They've lost me.


Up till now I've only been able to think that. I haven't actually been able to write that FOO has lost daughter, sister (niece, cousin) because they're happy to see me and keep me in the role of designated patient, family burden-bearer, scapegoat. I can't yet write it to them in the form of a Recovery Letter (Unsent Letter), writing it in 'you' form, addressing them, but that too will come.

I've had it with them.

The sentence is apt because it was one B1 used in late teens and early 20's. Of course he said "I've had it with you!" and "I've had it with this!" He was listened to, F made M apologise "if she ever wanted to have contact with B again". I won't be listened to, I know that.  That's what happens when you're designated patient, family burden-bearer, scapegoat.

So I've written it here at least. They've lost me through their own                'pigheadedness' is the word that comes to mind.

[Three Roses]

 

A difficult but sometimes necessary step.

Your post made me think of the quote that goes something like this: I was the family scapegoat. Then I became the black sheep.  Eventually I realized that the problem was not so much what kind of goat or sheep I was, but the sickness of the herd itself.

[Blueberry]

Oh, I like that quote! Thanks 3Roses, offers bunch of flowers (wish we had that as emoticon)  are good too.

[artemis23]

So proud of you Blueberry, it's a not an easy step to take. Way to go. And I like how you are dealing with it in little steps as well. Enough is enough. You don't have to play that role anymore, no one should. I'm sick of it. We all are. They may never take responsibility for their stuff but we can put that bag down and walk away.

I was thinking about this last night, like, why do I feel so disgusting all this time? And it hit me, I feel disgusting for other people who are behaving in disgusting ways. I'm sick of it too.

You're very inspiring. Keep posting about this, it's a process! We hold onto toxic family for different reasons that, for me, became, even more apparent than the letting go ones when I left/went nc. We are here for you!

[tea-the-artist]

way to go blue!

[Blueberry]

Thanks tea! 

[Deep Blue]

 
Proud of you blueberry 

[Blueberry]

Thank you deep Blue and Artemis   

[RecoveryRandal]

Blueberry, liberating myself from my family of origin was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. It's also been one of the most rewarding. Stay strong and take care of yourself along the way.

And Three Roses, that quote is amazing. I Googled and found this version attributed to Devon Carter:

"I was my mother's scapegoat. I morphed into my family's black sheep. Eventually, I realized that the problem was not what kind of goat or sheep I was, but rather, the sickness of the herd itself."

[Blueberry]

Thanks RecoveryR! I'm still working on it but it's bringing healing already.

[Sceal]

  I'm here cheering on you during your progress!