Frustration at being told how to feel

Started by Cygnus, April 01, 2018, 05:45:54 PM

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Cygnus

It seems this society is based around not feeling.  Anything to distract from feelings.  People tell me I'm angry, but they seem to be much worse.  I direct my anger at my abusers, they direct it at themselves.  I can tell because they're anxious and depressed.  They speak fondly of their abusers and tell me I'm wrong for being angry at mine.  It's like being a black sheep, yet knowing you're right but no one believes you.  I think they can't face their anger because of the sadness beneath it is too much.  I agree it's very hard to start feeling the intense sadness of being abused by your parents.  But the only way to get better is to put the blame where it's supposed to be.  They'd rather keep blaming themselves, and their body is rebelling because of it with anxiety and, health problems.  That's their business and I would just be concerned about my own problems but they insist on accusing me.  I think they're jealous and angry at me for doing what they can't.

woodsgnome

#1
Countering their inconsiderate and invalidating comments is likely not to work directly, as they're too caught up in their own game to drop their guard and allow your honesty to flourish.

While they think they know it all, you have enough awareness to see right through them. They won't like that, but as long as it's what you've come to understand about what they're doing--good for you!  :thumbup:   :applause:

Value your awareness; it's a step towards your own peace of mind. For sure, it's frustrating that they feel as they do, but as you've seen, they're trapped in the culture of consensus reality, where sensitive feelings and emotional sensitivity  are considered as negatives when in fact they are more likely signs of enormous strength and courage.

You've acknowledged their behaviour as stemming from their anger and sadness, but they'll never see it that way. It's also sad they can't talk about it, but in many cases they're minds are closed. Yours isn't, which doesn't make you superior, it just means you've got a better handle on what your own needs are.

It might feel better if they saw it like you can, but at least you are honouring your own heart in using your sensitivity as a step to finding your own peace inside. 

Cygnus

Thanks woodsgnome!   :)  I think it's hard for the person in a sick family that's getting better.  It's a challenge to do things differently than the rest.  But I have to go with my heart and intuition, regardless of anyone else thinks.  I want to respect myself instead of ignoring myself like in the past.  I'm learning to do that now, not to censor any of my feelings.