Healing C-PTSD and needing someone who is more explicit

[malt2018]

Does anyone have any links to a paper or blog or book that writes about how developmental trauma clients need to be shown care more explicitly than other trauma clients? I read something previously about how therapists may need to be more explicit with C-PTSD clients due to their inability to take on board other forms of care due to their trauma but I cannot seem to find where I read it.
I have been with my psychodynamically trained T know for over 2 years. I really enjoy working with him but lately, we seem to be stuck. He rarely tells me how he feels especially if it concerns me which I understand. He 'shows' care in lots of ways but I cannot seem to integrate it and feel I need more. I know I need to internalize love etc but I feel I need something more. Nothing outside the boundaries of therapy just perhaps a T who is willing to be more open about their feelings verbally.

[Kizzie]

Hi Malt, welcome to OOTS     Pete Walker has a good article on relational healing here - http://pete-walker.com/pdf/relationalHealingComplexPTSD.pdf.

Hope it helps!

[Gromit]

Thanks Kizzie, that helps me as I come to the end of my time with my T as I should soon get to start the NHS CBT treatment.

Sorry to interrupt Malt2018.

[malt2018]

Thanks for that Kizzi. I just feel that whatever my T is currently 'doing' in therapy is not really working and lately feel that a part of me has lost trust in him for whatever reason. We have a good therapy relationship and I want to continue with him so I am hoping we can get past this. I find a lot of what he says ambiguous, and possibly even triggering which I hadn't realised until recently. I really think I need him to be more explicit and genuine so that I can integrate those feelings of feeling cared for it. I want to bring it up but I would like to do some more reading on it to support my points when I do.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation??

[Gromit]

Matt, I find it hard to believe the good things my T says about me, at the back of my mind is, I suppose, my inner critic, saying 'yes, but....' Does that make sense? Or is it that your T does not say positive things about your achievements?

When I had a psychodynamic T I cannot recall deliberate positive statements being made about me but I was there as part of my training in psychodynamic counselling, I hadn't made the discoveries I have since, which brought me here.

I have been told to take problems with T to the T but I have problems doing that.

[Sceal]

The patient - therapist relationship is an extremely difficult one. I think more so for those of us who has experienced abuse in childhood in such away that makes it difficult, hard, alien, almost impossible to truly accept care from others. And learning that in adult-life is very challenging.
I struggle with this, but I also know that I can't get that help from my therapist. Because it would eventually mean that I will get too attached to a person who is only going to be there for a limited time, and who doesn't recipiate it back. It would be too much pain when she stops being my therapist. She can help me find ways to work with this towards others, but not me-her.

But, we might need two different things. I suggest though, you write down how you feel - and find a way to tell your therapist. Give your therapist feedback, it might be that he doesn't know he is doing something different. He will be better able to help you, if you tell him what you need. I don't think you need to have support in academic papers to tell him.

I wish you the best of luck!

[malt2018]

Thanks for your response Sceal. I know I can't get all my unmet needs met from my T. Yes, it is and has been very difficult to let him in and right now for whatever reason I seem to have pushed him back out. Right not I am already very attached to him. I am no dependent on him but very attached. I am very aware that when the therapy relationship does eventually end I will be heartbroken. My T has said that he thinks my attachment to him will lessen in time and that the therapy relationship won't be ending anytime soon but still. I know I can't stay in therapy forever.
I just need to know he cares and that he is a real person with real feelings. Logically I know this but cannot 'feel' it and/or integrate it. I think this is holding me back. Some might say it's resistance or me testing the boundaries I don't know.

Yes, you are also right about needing to bring it up. I guess I more wanted the books or research to support myself and figure out if it is a 'thing' with CPTSD clients or am I just resisting and putting up blocks.

[malt2018]

Matt, I find it hard to believe the good things my T says about me, at the back of my mind is, I suppose, my inner critic, saying 'yes, but....' Does that make sense? Or is it that your T does not say positive things about your achievements?

When I had a psychodynamic T I cannot recall deliberate positive statements being made about me but I was there as part of my training in psychodynamic counselling, I hadn't made the discoveries I have since, which brought me here.

I have been told to take problems with T to the T but I have problems doing that.

There have been a few times when he has said positive things about me or my achievements but they are rare are far between.

[Kizzie]

Perhaps you can shop around a little bit and see if there might be another T that you click with better Malt?  We do have some info and searchable databases,  and a form that might be helpful in your search.      Most T's offer a free consultation. 

[malt2018]

Thanks Kizzie. I will take a look. I would like to try and work things through with this T first. At least give it a chance. He is always willing to listen and hear me and has made adjustments in the past. I guess most things I have brought up before this have been smaller and less significant. I have briefly touched on my thoughts on this in a roundabout way but not explicitly. I know I need to be more open and bring it up again.

One of the main reasons I am asking about research/reading material on CPTSD and therapist relationship is actually for my own benefit and peace of mind. I would like to reaffirm my belief that I do need more from him to trust him and build the therapy relationship. I'm not exactly sure what I mean by 'more' either. I think I mean just more relationship and two-way conversations etc. I find myself always watching out for what tools and techniques he is using etc. I have worked with him now for 2 years and made lots of progress in many areas. Intellectually I trust him but  I know underneath something is holding me back from being truly comfortable with him.

[Rainagain]

Hi Malt,

Could the underlying issue with your T be that you on some level feel its a scripted thing and not necessarily genuine?

I've had that before, its an awareness I think comes from being hypervigilant.

It could give you a vague sense that something is 'off' rather than threatening.