FOO doesn't get it, version 2

[Blueberry]

   

I thought I made it pretty clear in FOO that I don't want phone calls from the adults. (The Littles are too small to phone of their own accord but that could change). B informs me his wife (who usually sends out the photos in their family) didn't think I wanted any emails so didn't send me photos of little niece's birthday.  B. sent them now. 

How can intelligent people be so dumb? But I suppose either my 'wants' are just not that important to them and life is too 'busy' to remember. Actually not 'either / or'. That one's a given. My 'wants' / 'needs' aren't important in FOO. If they had been important at last FOO get-together, Horrendous Event wouldn't have occured.

Or I suppose that there might be some sort of reason to do with manipulating or shutting me even further out. I sent little niece a card and present, and an Easter present. How can SIL think I wouldn't want photos?? She used to send and I used to thank her for them. So why the change? I can hear her in my mind talking to B and setting a deadline "If your S doesn't do xy by blah blah then we're not sending photos. She plainly doesn't want anything to do with us". It's tricky. I don't want anything to do with her but that doesn't extend to my niece. My niece is not her. My niece is also my god daughter. And my niece little as she was asked to be able to come and say goodbye to me at Horrendous Event. As my T says, there is actually a relationship there. I'm trying to keep that going without destabilising and further damaging myself, which phone contact to FOO would do.

They probably don't really want to understand. Then they'd have to question my scapegoat role.

[Hope67]

  to you, Blueberry, and I can appreciate it's tough to realise that FOO don't get it.  I wanted to say something this morning, when I read your post, but I couldn't think of any words.  I still can't - but I just wanted to say that I hope you can continue with your relationship with your niece, and I am glad you've now got photos of her Birthday.

Hope 

[Blueberry]

Thank you Hope for replying, even if you have no words.  That's quite often my state too - words fail me. But it's still good and healing for me to know that somebody read and that what I wrote meant something.

Yes, it's nice to get photos of my niece's birthday and to know how she spent it and to glean a little bit of info about her current interests. Recently I discussed in therapy how I can approach my B about continuing contact with little niece. So that's another topic on the horizon, for when I feel ready to broach it. Sounds from these past days' emails as if I should act fast, but I don't really have to. I'm sure the issue isn't high on B's and SIL's agenda and they'll spend all of 5 minutes on it while I heart-ache about how to manage contact while not destabilising.