Detachment/Isolation/Bonding with people

[tomricc]

As a child was abused both mentally and physically which led to developing cptsd. Could go through all the events but the trauma's occurred over many years and were reoccurring the center of the spider web of course was my mother. She caused much of the chaos. One psychologists told me she might be borderline with psychotic features and narcissistic while my father suffered from ptsd from war and step father was paranoid schizophrenic so the whole crew had severe problems.

Myself I am detached from people even when present sometimes. My first 5 years was so detached did not communicate with anyone, viewed everyone has dangerous like some creature to stay away from. Also had feelings of guilt, shame, anger, low self esteem, distorted views of how I looked or who I really am, very isolated and alienated from people starting at a young age.

First gfriend was at age 30 and from overseas on vacation so this tells a small part of the detachment.

So cptsd, detachment and disorganized association may be the problems I though once time it might be autism but the psychologist said no but one never knows. My father was an older man when I was born, around 52 years old so that increased the general risk of autism but either way the traumas, lack of love and social interaction or positive interactions did damage of course,

So how do I reattach myself to the right people and become part of the community, with family and friends not always in survival war mode? what are concrete steps to help on this path? Career path? Social path? community/family/friends? Social is interconnected with career and almost all aspects of life so I must address the detachment and disorganized association aspects of things and get my mind away from war mode.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi tomricc thank you for sharing so much of your story is so similar to mine ..
what is disorganised association please ? I haven't heard of it before ..
Glad you are here this forum so very good support and resources.
I do meet up groups and find them good as an activity between me and people gives a security and I can socialise as much or little as I'm comfortable. For me it ma about seeing the progress in relating to others  no matter how small realising I am growing and healing

[Blueberry]

Hi tomricc! Welcome to the forum 

[fighter]

Hi Tomricc. I hear what you're saying about searching for the right diagnosis, never quite feeling like the one you have is quite right. FOr me the c-ptsd diagnosis is right, and that gives me a great sense of peace. I also wondered about autism in the past.  I hope you can find what you are looking for

[Kizzie]

Hi and a very warm welcome to OOTS Tom     You asked how you could connect more with people and I think posting here is a great example of how to begin doing that so kudos to you for taking the risk    It sounds like you have also been in therapy  - are you still doing so?  I ask because here you are at OOTS reaching out so maybe the work you have been doing is kicking in so continuing with a therapist might be another good strategy. 

By reading here in the forum and books about CPTSD you may find other strategies for calming your hypervigilance - big problem for most of us so yoga, mediation, mindfulness, having ways to have fun and to relax - all possibilities to explore. There are also specific therapies such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to learn to challenge your thoughts that everyone is not to be trusted or is out to hurt you. 

I hope you will find lots of good ideas and caring support here Tom