Detached from reality

[Estella]

I've been a lot more functional lately, but keep experiencing detachment from reality. As someone who often has "all or nothing" thoughts, I'm struggling with knowing what is genuine and what is not. I feel like I'm projecting someone who is very self-centred. Also  keep freezing and I'm not sure how to overcome it quickly.

Recovering from CPTSD is hard work.

[DecimalRocket]

It really is hard work. I've spent years recovering, and what impacted me the most needed more work than a few days or even a few weeks.

One of the things that helped me with this the most is awareness. To pause and be aware of what I'm thinking. It's simple to do, but hard to do over time. But everyday, when I set out in a panic of racing thoughts. . . I've paused, took a breather and worked to clarity what was going on. To observe before I react.

Take care.  if that's okay.

[Estella]

Sounds like mindfulness? It's helpful 

[California Dreaming]

Hi Estella:) I agree with you and DecimalRocket, recovery from CPTSD is hard work. I also agree that awareness is most helpful. Without awareness, I have no starting point; I am acting from a completely unconscious place. So that I can better understand what you are experiencing, are you detaching with awareness or are you dissociating? Sometimes, I consciously detach from a situation in order to protect myself. When I dissociate, it usually is unconscious. Also, are you freezing in response to a specific trigger?

[Estella]

I think I'm dissociating, but when people talk I'm getting quite confused. If their situation mirrors mine, for example, I end up very confused to the point it can affect my behaviour afterwards. I've not been able to trust what is real and what isn't at times and end up too absorbed into someone else's world. This has been going on too long now and sometimes it's what's in my way of getting on with life. Would you call this detachment from reality?

I've been freezing in busy scenarios, other times when I'm scared to be happy, I just get overwhelmed.

[California Dreaming]

It doesn't sound like you are detaching from reality. It sounds like you are actively trying to discern what is real. I have been betrayed so many times in so many different ways that sometimes it is hard for me to discern what is really going on. I have grown more and more to trust myself, my intuition, but it has taken many years of hard work. When I am in doubt, I ask my therapist to help me discern.

As you probably already know, the freeze response occurs when we feel threatened, real or imagined. It's a brain thing so to speak. It helps me to determine whether the threat is real or imagined and take it from there.

[Estella]

I think you're right there - it's just that my tired brain is working overtime from all the discerning.

I sometimes feel threatened by positive experiences too. It's been a long time since I've felt comfortable to experience anything in life so picking apart experiences and analysing threat levels takes a little while.

[California Dreaming]

I understand where you are coming from. Hypervigilance can be very taxing! Sometimes it is hard for me to process positive experiences. So many times I have had positive experiences that turned out to be negative. I have gotten my hopes up only to have them dashed or utterly destroyed. I'm better at it now, but it still happens.

[Rainagain]

I tend to find it takes 24-48 hrs before I can accurately assess a situation and see if my response was correct or if I was responding out of some
cptsd state or to a threat which wasn't even real.

Do others only know how they are doing in hindsight?

I'm hoping to reduce the time it takes me to be able to review situations, its like driving by only using the rear view mirror.

Sorry to pitch into the middle of your conversation, this thread made me recognise something I do as a reflex.

[Estella]

That's just how it feels, Rainagain. It's disorientating.

I really worry ill be judged/remembered for my actions, which probably seem impulsive to a person who doesn't understand dissociation and automatic thinking.

[Rainagain]

A trick that helps me sometimes is to look beyond the directly presenting situation and try to work out the other persons thought and motivation.

Its hard to explain. But sometimes I can see the situation feels like threat but focussing on the other person gives a less threatening view, sort of overlaying another's viewpoint onto the cptsd view.