Inner child looking for parent

  • 4 Replies
  • 107 Views
*

skywolf

  • Member
  • 7
    • View Profile
Inner child looking for parent
« on: April 16, 2018, 01:09:13 PM »
For as long as I can remember I've always looked for a parental figure. Someone who could protect me from harm and love me for who I am. I was wondering if anyone else has ever experienced this same need. I've done some reading about it and I know it's down to being unloved as a child.  I find it hard because even becoming an adult hasnt stopped this automatic behaviour.

Re: Inner child looking for parent
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2018, 01:25:39 PM »
I looked for parental figures for decades, and it led to a great deal of trouble for me. Many people have taken advantage of this. I was around 40 years old before I began the process of learning how to parent myself.

*

tea-the-artist

  • Member
  • 292
  • my mind, not their mind; I'm The Hero of My Life
    • View Profile
Re: Inner child looking for parent
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2018, 01:49:41 PM »
very relatable skywolf. i find myself battling my knowledge of needing to self-(re)parent, but also needing to know how to reach out for help from others. it's a confusing line.

i've found myself confiding in others in hopes of having a sort of shield or a wing covering me, and being guided by them. so now as a still young adult, it's very difficult to determine when to ask for help, and when to do things myself (and for myself). which really sucks coming from a FOO i couldn't and can never really rely on. :snort:

but you're def not alone in this.
I treat myself like I would my daughter. I brush her hair, wash her laundry, tuck her in goodnight. Most importantly, I feed her. I do not punish her. I do not berate her, leave tears staining her face. I do not leave her alone. I know she deserves more. I know I deserve more.
― Michelle K

*

woodsgnome

  • Member
  • 1132
  • I did not wish to live what was not life
    • View Profile
Re: Inner child looking for parent
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2018, 03:30:15 PM »
I have a similar problem in that I've felt the parental void following the ride through hell with the supposed parents I chronologically moved forward with (I use that mangled language in lieu of trying to pretend that those years could be called 'growing up'--they were more like 'getting through').

I've had some success, after lots of trying, to build a scenario of finding and saving my inner child, but can't picture myself as a full parent in that scene. I end up as kind of an older pal to the kid but it doesn't feel 'parental' for whatever reason.

What you've mentioned refreshes those instincts to keep the inner child out of the hurt with me, but it's still a matter of imagining a parent or set of parents who would have been a better fit than me, the older version of the kid.

I guess all I can do is visualize the traits of certain adults I admire, even though one never knows the full story. But do we ever? And what is our imagination for if not to use it along lines of helping ourselves to picture that role model to  I relieve the stress we carry from that sort of 'arrested development'.

Or something. I know this doesn't make perfect sense. Does any of this whole scene make sense? We all know those people who can't believe us--so it takes these radical sorts of thinking patterns to hold any hope for changing course. Trouble is, anything like hope has about slipped out of my vocabulary.
« Last Edit: April 16, 2018, 03:34:36 PM by woodsgnome »
"...we make our descent into the darkness then wait for some new kind of wisdom to take root." --Valerie Andrews

*

skywolf

  • Member
  • 7
    • View Profile
Re: Inner child looking for parent
« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2018, 11:08:14 PM »
Woodsgnome, what you have said makes perfect sense to me.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I think whilst I'm waiting for an appointment with a therapist I'm going to give parenting my inner children because I definitely feel like there's two of them, a go. Hopefully this might help kick start my road to a better place because right now I feel as though I'm stuck and it's hurting alot.