I'm soooo tired of this

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bluelilly

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I'm soooo tired of this
« on: April 16, 2018, 02:37:31 PM »
I'm having an awful day.  Yesterday with my H was a struggle with communication and I find marriage overwhelming at times. Today I had planned to do so many things but now I have no energy from not sleeping well and so there goes the day.  I'm struggling with my recovery from CPTSD already in the sense that recovery for me is 2 steps forward and 5 steps back and to deal with a relationship sometimes is more than I can take.  I see my T once a month because going more often takes it's toll on me and sometimes I find it hard to function for days afterward.  The emotions and the reality of my CPTSD really make me feel depressed,  especially today.  I seriously just want to wave the white flag to creation or whoever is in charge of this spinning ball of earth and say hey you jerk, you win because I'm tired and sick of trying. 

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woodsgnome

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Re: I'm soooo tired of this
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2018, 03:01:01 PM »
This may be scant comfort, but I share your sentiments entirely--I'm in the throes of a very bad day as well.

Though the exact circumstances are a different, I've felt what you've expressed for a couple of months now. In there I even tried a workshop which provided some insight, but then the feeling hit that I've been thinking that for years and here I am still just existing but not much more.

It's when the only relief can only be a held hand or a short word of support. So here's the held hand in the form of a  :hug: -- now multiply that by the number of people who will support you from this forum, who've traveled the path and are with you even as it feels so alone. No illusions but perhaps a glimmer that all the world hasn't turned on you; and we never will... :grouphug:
« Last Edit: April 16, 2018, 03:04:33 PM by woodsgnome »
"...we make our descent into the darkness then wait for some new kind of wisdom to take root." --Valerie Andrews

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bluelilly

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Re: I'm soooo tired of this
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2018, 08:10:30 PM »
Thank you so much Woodgnome.  Your reply meant so much to me today.

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Rainagain

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Re: I'm soooo tired of this
« Reply #3 on: April 17, 2018, 02:39:11 AM »
Hi woods, bluelily,
I have the same feelings, what's going on, when am I going to wake up in the morning feeling like I've actually slept, why is every day such a struggle, what is the point etc.
Maybe everybody has a difficult time, maybe cptsd takes away our ability to cope so stuff becomes overwhelming.
I'm not recovering, I'm experiencing cptsd.
Its like weather, you don't recover from it, you just experience it and wait and see what tomorrow brings.

Everything will be alright in the end.

If things aren't alright then it isn't the end.

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Blueberry

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Re: I'm soooo tired of this
« Reply #4 on: April 17, 2018, 05:38:49 AM »
 :hug: :hug: to you woodsgnome and bluelily. Hope things are looking a tiny bit up today.
Should is
never good,
for me.

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sanmagic7

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Re: I'm soooo tired of this
« Reply #5 on: April 18, 2018, 02:04:29 PM »
i've just come out of one of those overwhelming slumps.  it's horrible to be in them.  i keep thinking i've done so much work, understand so much, then blam!  knocked onto my keester once again.

hang tough - one ever present thought that has helped me is 'this, too, shall pass'.  in the meantime, know that you're not alone - we're in this with you.  sending love and hugs to you both.
learn something from everything.

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DecimalRocket

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Re: I'm soooo tired of this
« Reply #6 on: April 18, 2018, 11:01:20 PM »
Sending some love and hugs to you too.  :hug:
Hi there. :) Iím absolutely logical, but far from cold.

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SE7

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Re: I'm soooo tired of this
« Reply #7 on: April 20, 2018, 09:59:32 AM »
Just here to say, I relate ... especially the 2 steps forward 5 steps back part. I made tremendous progress the past week, esp. Tues/Wed, but today I feel just completely drained. I find it very hard to cycle through the build-up of coping with life, facing things with success, then crashing. I feel crashed today. And I don't like the unstable feeling of wondering how long it will take to get myself back again.

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bluelilly

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Re: I'm soooo tired of this
« Reply #8 on: April 20, 2018, 08:05:46 PM »
Thank you to all who replied to me.  I feel so blessed to have a place like this to come to and share what others who do not have CPTSD simply cannot understand.  Sending all of you  :bighug: