Getting triggered into disassociation from inner critic

[Healing Finally]

Hi all 

CPTSD is sooooooo confusing and convoluted.   

I thought to share because last night, after two days of feeling funky, I realized I had an experience that triggered my inner critic causing me to feel REALLY BAD about myself.  Once I get into that "FEELING BAD ABOUT MYSELF" mode, I evidently have major issues shaking it.  It seeps into everything I do from that point forward.  I just go on auto-pilot, doing minimal work, not caring much about anything.

What I just hate is..
a) I don't know when I'm IN this mode, and
b) I don't know how to get OUT of this mode, when I'm in it!

UNTIL I finally recognize what's going on by backtracking my steps to see what started the whole thing.  I need to say "HEY, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, I don't want to feel this way anymore, what happened?"  Sometimes it takes days to get to this point, hopefully I will learn how to do this sooner!!

This time I realized it was my inner critic that was bombarding me with anguish because I missed a work meeting.  I felt like I let everyone down.  OMG, the sky is going to fall!!  Geez!  Life will go on! 

So, I'm still working on acknowledging when I'm triggered.  And why I'm triggered.  Then I have to work on what triggered me.  This time I realize I need to learn to tame my inner critic, and give myself a break. 

Thanks all for your support and help as I slowly move through the healing process.   

[California Dreaming]

Hi Healing Finally You are speaking a language that I can relate to entirely. It took me years to determine when I have been triggered and even longer how to navigate my way through a triggered state. "CPTSD is sooooooo confusing and convoluted," is a great way to describe the healing process of CPTSD. Your post provides evidence of the fact that you are finally healing. Once I realize that I have been triggered, I know that it is time to focus on self-care above all else. Thank you for sharing your healing process here, and keep up the great work

[Boatsetsailrose]

Thank you for sharing healing finally I can so relate to what u share as its my experience too. I'm getting really fed up with feeling bad from the non truths that my head tells me.
California dreaming please can you share what you have learnt to navigate and self care ?

[California Dreaming]

I would love to share with you, but I am not sure how to best accomplish this. Self-care is so individual specific. Perhaps there is a way that I could ask you questions that would facilitate describing how my self-care may be of benefit to you specifically. Does that make sense?

[Healing Finally]

Thank you California Dreaming and Boatsetsailrose for your confirming responses.   

Yes California Dreaming, any help is appreciated!  Self-care seems to be last on my list.  It's so strange, when I'm in a good place I just chug along, but when I'm in a bad place it is so hard to get back to that good place.  Honestly, why must it be so hard??  It does truly seem to be out out of my control...at least initially, then when it's back in my control, the depression keeps me from moving forward.  ARGH

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi healing finally, I can so relate ! I was talking to my t today and said that I am going to write some 'management cards' that can help when I've been triggered. Things that we have worked on that help me. She said not to worry about the 'why' but to focus on what helps me to calm and come back