Abandonment depression

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi
I've been feeling so much loneliness this past few wks . Pete walker talks about abandonment depression.
I have never felt so alone in the world cut off from not only the outside but also the inside .. I'm starting to feel I don't know who I am anymore it's scarey.
What can I do with this loneliness, people say 'your not lonely though ' but I am I don't feel closeness to someone dear I'm not part of a family ...
I ache , I yearn for connnection .
How do I connect with me when my head and heart just yearn for the external ... ?
How do I be with the aloneness and not feel desperate ?

[Boatsetsailrose]

How do I not feel like a failure,  a reject, useless and worthless. Why on Earth after all these years am I feeling the heart of this stuff now ...?

[Deep Blue]

Boat,
I see you are having a really tough time.  I know that feeling of loneliness.  That feeling where your heart hurts. You are not a failure, a reject or worthless.  You have worth here and I'm sure in other areas of your life as well.  You are in a rough patch and it makes it hard to see these things about yourself.  Your words have helped me in the past.  You have given me perspective that I really need to hear. You don't need to feel alone, you have us 

[Boatsetsailrose]

Thank you blue
Gonna get some sleep and see how it lies tomorrow ...
maybe god will give me a reprieve over nite

[saylor]

I think connecting with others is something we humans feel a need for because we're essentially pack animals and we're supposed to build and rely upon family and community ties to get through life. There's a deep, innate yearning for this, practically no matter who we are and what we've been through. An exception might be for people with schizoid personality disorder, who truly don't want to be around others, ever.
I think the fact that CPTSD causes us to mistrust others (since those of us abused as children learned early that we couldn't even trust our own parent(s)) causes distance. Add to that our emotional dysregulation and tendency to be triggered easily by human interactions of all sorts, and you have a recipe for isolation. At least in my own case, I'm also a pretty extreme oddball/outlier in so many ways as relate to human social norms that I have just tended to be alienated from the better portion of humanity. And yet I get desperately lonely, too, sometimes. It's hard to find others who can truly understand our struggles and provide comfort and validation (and not trigger/annoy/enrage us!)
You have us, at least. I hope virtual hugs (you're getting one right now) can help in some small way.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Thank you saylor your words help me remember it's cptsd and not ME