Eye contact and eye gazing

[bhupendra]

I sometimes find it difficult to maintain long duration eye contact with other adults. I come from a very conservative culture and as a kid had been raised in a patriarchal environment where direct eye contact with elders was often frowned upon and seen as a sign of disrespect.
I don't have much issue not maintaining much eye contact during a conversation. On the plus side my brain doesn't have to deal with the sensory visual information from other people's expressions and gestures so it has more resources allocated for the topic of conversation and it can think and analyze the information more efficiently. On the downside some people might find less eye contact as rude or weird or even as some sign of weakness or it might give them wrong signal that I'm not interested in what they're trying to say or convey.
I know it has to change. As having eye contact is crucial for better face to face communication and building better rapport with people. Also it helps in assertiveness and more importantly helps in creating healthy boundaries so people don't take me for granted and step into my personal space. I know I can do it. I just need more and more practice.
Anyone in here struggle with eye contact sometimes? Any techniques you used to master eye contact? What about the eye gazing thing? Anyone tried it?

[Estella]

Hi bhupendra,

Yes, I struggle with making and maintaining eye contact too. Your post was helpful.

I watched a YouTube video on running tips (I've recently taken it up) and one suggestion was to imagine a string on the crown of your head connected to the sky, gently tilting your head. This is to improve breathing when running but I've also found when walking that I've been able to keep my head level (or at least more than usual). While not strictly social, I've made a bit more eye contact with people when I'm out and about.

Another thing that's helped is my mindfulness practice. I've been learning to use a soft gaze and it's helpful as I can apply it to social situations. Difficult for me to describe how to do it, but perhaps give meditation a try?

Interested in anyone else's suggestions.

[bhupendra]

Hi Estella,
Yep... Soft gaze. That's what I have to start practising. Thank you very much for the information.
Btw, In the past I too used to struggle with keeping my head level while walking when I was a teenager. Fortunately, it had stopped. Now I only look down when navigating through any obstacle in the path. Don't worry. After some time it'd come naturally to you. You don't have to imagine that string anymore then. If you reach that stage then just stop imagining it.  It's more like support wheels for a bicycle. You can use that mental energy elsewhere then like being more mindful of your surroundings.

Please guys if anyone else have any more suggestions and have mastered the art of eye contact do reply.

[Erebor]

Yes, I find eye contact hard. Sometimes it's pretty easy, but over the last seven or so months I've had an increasing number of periods when I can't even look someone else in the eye without feeling a kind of 'blurry' horrible discomfit or pain-like feeling in my mind. It's horrible. Not sure what's triggering it now.

When I'm not like this I struggle with knowing whether or not I'm making too much eye contact, if I'm staring, how many times I need to blink to look normal. But even then the eye contact itself isn't painful.