Body memories TW

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Deep Blue

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Body memories TW
« on: May 21, 2018, 08:25:58 PM »
Does anyone else get body memories? Iím so frustrated with mine.  I tend to get a throbbing feeling in my lower back when Iím talking about or reminded of my trauma.  It can be debilitating.  I canít take a full breath, it throbs so much.  If I were a cryer (Iím not) I would cry they hurt so bad.   :'(

The other one I get is in my stomach.  Itís a cross between feeling I will throw up to and stomach cramps. 

I just want to know if anyone else has these? Sometimes itís hard to work on progress when the body memories keep popping up to remind me of the past. 

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Hope67

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Re: Body memories TW
« Reply #1 on: May 26, 2018, 12:25:32 PM »
Hi Deep Blue,
Yes I do get 'body memories' - I have had back pain in past years which I felt was more related to body memories than anything inherently physical, and I also experience pain in my head - like migraine kind of pain on the left hand side of the head - that can happen when I'm processing past memories, and it can be very painful.   I also find that my throat might 'tighten up' and sometimes I feel a bit nauseous.  I think that when I notice those pains more, then I try to give myself some respite from trying to work through things, as I think that I've rushed my process - and gone too quickly.  I'm finding that it doesn't happen as often, or as painfully - at least in the last week or so. 

I am so sorry to hear you're experiencing so much pain, and it must be hard when the throbbing is so bad.

Have you read Bessel Van Der Kolk's book 'The Body Keeps the Score'?  I think that book is great for talking about issues like this.  I found that book to be really helpful and validating.

 :hug: to you Deep Blue, if that's ok.  Hope you have less pain over the weekend.  I see you wrote this post a few days ago, so I hope you're feeling a little better by now?

Hope  :)

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Deep Blue

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Re: Body memories TW
« Reply #2 on: May 26, 2018, 01:52:47 PM »
Thanks Hope,
It ebbs and flows.   :hug: is great

Sometimes the body memories are when I have rushed the process for sure.  It seems to also be a part of the process for me.  When Iím talking about my trauma, especially certain aspects of physical abuse, they crop up.  Itís like a literal indicator that Iím revisiting past trauma.  It makes me not want to do the work to process these traumas. 

I have seen some people post about that book in the forum.  I really should check it out.  Thanks for the suggestion.  In fact, I think Iíll order it now.  It sounds like a good starting point.  :)

Thanks again hope  :hug:

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ah

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Re: Body memories TW
« Reply #3 on: May 26, 2018, 06:27:24 PM »
Hi Deep Blue,

Yes, I have strong body memories but I'm not sure about them beyond that. The way I understand it they're more like "regular" ptsd symptoms rather than cptsd.

For me they're part of physical flashbacks, maybe yours are related to stress indued by trauma? A cross between throwing up and stomach cramps sounds to me a lot like stress hormones rushing through your body. Makes perfect sense to me.

Also, physical pain intensifies instantly when your stress level rises. This happens to me, it's hard because it happens fast but it takes hours or longer for it to let go so if the pain level persists it may be related to your body still being filled with stress hormones. Our nervous system works that way, it gets triggered quickly and calms down slowly. It doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong, maybe it's just an indication that you're feeling something that activated it, like fear, terror, frustration, helplessness?

I get these, and I also have physical memories related to specific physical abuse. Like I'm reliving it over and over. Sorry I can't get into more details, it's too triggering for me. But yes, my body seems to have physical memories.

The thing that helps me with them is to try to sort of 'grey rock' with my own body, if that makes sense. Feeling what I'm feeling but without being emotionally engaged in it, sometimes I can manage to do this and other times I can't.

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Deep Blue

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Re: Body memories TW
« Reply #4 on: May 26, 2018, 08:12:03 PM »
Ah,
The stress hormones rushing through my body making me sick is a strong possibility. 

I never thought about them being physical flashbacks before.  The spasm feeling in my lower back throbs like it did during my actual abuse. 

Yes! You are right! They are physical memories.  It does seem to take a while to calm them back down.  If you feel up to it maybe you could explain ďGrey rockĒ to me.

I appreciate your thoughts on this
Deep Blue

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ah

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Re: Body memories TW
« Reply #5 on: May 29, 2018, 12:49:27 PM »
Here's something very interesting I found about it:

https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/6158/gray-rock-method-dealing-narcissist/

To me I guess it's about being less involved emotionally, less invested. But without dissociating. (Which is the tricky part) Then as a result I can also behave in a more dull way when it's with other people, as it says above. So I try to do this with dangerous people, and also with my own feelings, physical pain included.

I feel whatever I'm feeling but I try to be more neutral about it. I think "This is just a feeling. Yeah, this one is nasty. But it's just a feeling." sometimes when I manage it intense physical pain is more bearable because it becomes a sensation that I don't have to interpret. I don't have any opinion about it. It just hurts, that's it. I don't feel a strong need to get rid of it or fix it on the spot. I accept being helpless about it. I guess it's all about distance, how close I am to it.
Sometimes I can manage it. Other times I can't.
If that makes sense  :Idunno:

This is only my subjective understanding of 'grey rock' technique. Maybe others here have far more experience with it than me. Or see it totally differently.
I started reading about it and applying it to other people, but as I started realizing my biggest enemy was my own self hatred and loathing I tried using it inwards too and it seems to be just as effective at times.

It's much easier said than done though  :Idunno:

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Eyessoblue

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Re: Body memories TW
« Reply #6 on: May 29, 2018, 01:53:06 PM »
Hi deep blue, I used to have theses but managed to get rid of them through EMDR, this has been really affective for me both physically and mentally.

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Deep Blue

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Re: Body memories TW
« Reply #7 on: May 29, 2018, 09:14:23 PM »
Ah,
I really like the grey rock technique.  Part of my therapy is to tell myself, it is just a feeling when Iím revisiting my trauma.  I think your suggestion is exactly where I should start.  Thanks so much for your help.   :hug:

Eyessoblue,
I wanted to do EMDR but none of the therapists I met with were my cup of tea so to say.  There are only a few qualified in my area, and I didnít really have a good feeling about any of them.  Too overbearing know it alls in my local area If that makes sense.  Iím glad itís worked for you.  Itís been a couple years since I looked, maybe Iíll give it a look again.

Thanks to you all  :grouphug: