Serious Surgery

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Phoebes

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Serious Surgery
« on: June 01, 2018, 11:46:20 AM »
I've been posting in this section a lot, I guess because it brings me the most anxiety- occasions where I know I either have to see Nm or avoid the situation altogether. My nephew is going to have a very major surgery- the most major you could think of (possibly). I HAVE to be there for him and want to and will. I just know Nm will be there as well...it's 1-2 years away, but I am already through the roof anxious.

This brings me back around to...should I write a letter? I know the answer is "no" in most cases. I do think my point would be to state my feelings and approach to the situation. I don't know. I was doing better until we found this out after his check-up. I'm just sad he has to go through something so major and with a hefty recovery period. I feel lucky he CAN have surgery and a chance, but it still sucks to see a little one have to go through that. Again.

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Sceal

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Re: Serious Surgery
« Reply #1 on: June 01, 2018, 12:35:28 PM »
Hi Phoebes!

I am sorry to hear that your nephew is going to have to have a major surgery.

Perhaps you can write a letter here, in the section not to send - to work out your emotions and practice before you have to meet your nm?

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Phoebes

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Re: Serious Surgery
« Reply #2 on: June 01, 2018, 01:24:19 PM »
That might be a good idea, Sceal. Thank you for your support.

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Blueberry

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Re: Serious Surgery
« Reply #3 on: June 01, 2018, 02:25:52 PM »
Hi Phoebes,

I'm sorry your nephew is going to have major surgery. That's so hard on a little one! I was going to suggest the same as Sceal: write a Recovery Letter with everything you'd like to tell Nm but can't. I find such letters quite helpful in getting the poison out of my system. Nm won't see it, but we will.

I'm realising bit by bit that telling anybody in FOO about my feelings is giving them ammunition with which to hurt me further. It's better for me not to give them any information, even though that feels really weird. I like what they say over on our sister website OOTF about not explaining our boundaries but doing them. So march in and be there for your nephew and focus on him and keep focus off Nm. Drop the rope, don't rise to the bait, do Medium Chill / Grey Rock etc. http://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/2015/12/3/medium-chill   I didn't find this page easy to read the first time around, though you might. But the more we come out of the storm and out of the fog, the easier it gets.


About anxiety: I developed a terrible fear of flying at some point as an adult. I was on transatlantic flights a lot as a child and it wasn't a problem, but at some point terrible fear grew. When I fly these days, a rare event, I don't allow myself to get in any state of panic or even undue fear before I'm sitting in the plane. I will keep telling myself that I'm allowed to be frightened in the plane but not outside it, because outside it I'm perfectly safe (as safe as one ever is in life). And it works. So idk if anything like that would help keep your anxiety at bay until the actual time of surgery? I do fear-reduction work in the couple of days before flying and maybe even on way to the airport but I just don't allow the feeling of fear and/or panic in.
Should is
never good,
for me.