Positive force in FOO

[Blueberry]

Reading a recent post of Elphanigh's reminded me in a good way of the dog we had when I was growing up. I wrote some stuff, then deleted so as not to hijack.
Our dog meant so much to me. In early days in therapy, so years ago, when asked for somebody in FOO I could go to in my imagination, the only ahem person was the dog. Now I'm sure a T who knows their cptsd stuff wouldn't tell you to go to FOO in your imagination, but 17-18 years ago... Anyway I insisted the only safe FOO mbr was our dog, who was no longer alive and even if she had been, she would've been with FOO.

I wrote spontaneously on Elpha's thread "I'm not sure I would have survived as intact as I have without her. Though god knows I'm not very intact." I can't imagine, no, I don't even want to try and imagine what it would have been like without her.  She was the only FOO member who was there for me, the only one to show unconditional love, the one who was always happy to see me come home, the one who never greeted me with a barrage of criticism over my appearance. She greeted the whole family enthusiastically, it wasn't just me. She included me though, whereas the rest of FOO excluded me from love, protection and those beneficial things. For years after she died, I used to think about her and cry. I don't cry anymore, but I do think about her.

[ah]

I wrote spontaneously on Elpha's thread "I'm not sure I would have survived as intact as I have without her. Though god knows I'm not very intact."

I had a cat who was like that too so I can totally imagine how you felt about your dog. My ex cat died decades ago but I'd sometimes dream about him and in my dreams he wasn't always a cat, he was just himself, someone I loved long ago and still missed. He was a person to me, just a person in a small furry body.

Much of my dreadful, hellish teenage years when I didn't say a word to anyone he kept trying to feed me with dead mice non stop, and spent curled up on my knees during the day / purring across my neck at night and grumbling if I moved. He kept me tethered.

The only time in his life he ever scratched anyone was when he was a baby and a passing car terrified him so much he burrowed into my hands, but after that he spent his life purring loudly with his claws hidden deep inside his paws so as not to scratch anyone else, he was one very sane cat. No PD there... so he was my anchor, the only thing that kept me from total dissociation and splitting into complete madness and the unreality of constant violence.

Without him I'm sure I'd have been totally nuts. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but for what it's worth he kept me alive. None of the humans did. He was a better person than the human people I knew, and I guess incidentally also a cat 

I'm so glad you had one sane friend like that growing up. Excluding you is beyond cruel and insane, to my mind. She was the normal one. No wonder you thought of her, maybe in some way she really was your FOO..?

[Kizzie]

I had a thought as I read your posts BB and Ah that it's not just that pets give us unconditional love, equally important is that in turn we feel safe in giving them our love in return. I have always wondered why I didn't develop NPD like my B did and maybe part of that was having pets growing up. (They were mostly my pets rather than the family's).  Giving and receiving love, it seems like both are very important and can help build resiliency.

Came across an article courtesy of Twitter that speaks to the power of animals in helping to deal with traumatic/upsetting situations - https://www.edutopia.org/article/bringing-dog-school?utm_medium=socialflow&utm_source=twitter.

[Elphanigh]

Blueberry and Ah, your stories really touch my heart today. It is good to know others have experienced these feelings.

BB, I echo all of your sentiments in the post. I feel that way sbout my animals and certainly about this particular dog. He was my anchor, and a precious source of love and compassion for me. I can't imagine not having him during those difficult times in my life. I used to cuddle him after one of my abusers had a particularly violent outburst. It was my go to comfort when I was in the most pain. So I understand those feelings.

Don't mean to hijack, just thank you for starting this

[Blueberry]

Elpha, I don't see it as a hijack at all. Maybe writing on your thread when you were either Having a Difficult Day or writing in your Journal (Idk which it was) felt more like a hijack, whereas here it's more a thread where different people can write how pets were the only or best support person in FOO.

Good point Kizzie. Much of my love went to the dog and my little furries when I was growing up and for me as an adult my love went to my little furries. It was safe to love them. They wouldn't suddenly turn round in a two-faced way and say (or show) it had all been a sham - they didn't really love me and certainly didn't want to protect me or allow me to individuate as everybody else in FOO more or less allowed. They were straightforward in their loving ways.

[Elphanigh]

Blueberry, I am glad you don't feel like it is a hijack. I honestly can't remember which it was