Anxiety due to narcissist parent stalking me again

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SE7

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Anxiety due to narcissist parent stalking me again
« on: July 10, 2018, 02:54:41 PM »
My father has hired a private investigator on me again now that he's out of town to see what I'm up to, and it is really pissing me off. The flying monkey golden child sibling started contacting me too, of course to coincide with that. These people really must think I'm dumb to actually believe I don't know what they're up to!

The more I try to reduce contact and keep my insane family out of my life & home, the more they go undercover & pull stunts like this.

I am already anxious because I have a job interview today. I really did NOT need more stress on top of the misery that is my life already!

I just got a strange voicemail from someone claiming I called them when I did not. It is likely a plant from the PI. My golden child sibling has colluded in the past with my NF to track my phone, and suddenly last night I got an email from him trying to bait me & several emails from NF trying to make himself look innocent & sociable with me, even though we've barely said anything to each other for months.

The only reason I am still low-contact (instead of no-contact) is because I am still financially entangled with them due to me losing everything last year. My NF is a wealthy financial manipulator. I am really caught and my only hope to be free from these people & their nonsense is for me to get a job. I am praying I get this job but feeling panicky right now and I don't want to deal with this.

I hate my life being related to an entire family of narcissists! My father is a classic malignant, my mother is a borderline queen type, and my brother is the golden child now turned narcissist clone of them both. I am the scapegoat of course.

How am I supposed to RECOVER when things like this happen? Tell me please how I'm supposed to NOT be triggered by this? I am already trying to cope with the intermittent emotional flashbacks after my time living with them. I really don't need this.  :fallingbricks:

ETA: I just noticed that I feel like a scared little child right now. I am trying to process this but I can't. I can't believe my own family behaves this way. It's like mourning a death over & over & over again to know that I don't have a 'real' family. I have a family that makes me feel afraid!
« Last Edit: July 10, 2018, 03:37:22 PM by SE7 »

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Kizzie

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Re: Anxiety due to narcissist parent stalking me again
« Reply #1 on: July 10, 2018, 06:28:51 PM »
I can't imagine that their behaviour would not be triggering, at least right now while you are tied to them. Those with NPD are pretty focused on getting what they want as you know only too well unfortunately . My FOO were champions of stealth N behaviour and if I was fooled and opened the door an inch they would simply proceed to kick it in. 

I am keeping my fingers crossed for you that you do get this job or another in the near future. Disentangling yourself from your family financially will likely go a very long way to you feeling safer and less susceptible to the inevitable games they get up to.   :yes:

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SE7

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Re: Anxiety due to narcissist parent stalking me again
« Reply #2 on: July 10, 2018, 09:49:12 PM »
Hi Kizzie, thank you so much for your encouraging reply. I needed the validation :) One of those things people outside of the PD sphere could not understand. It's not every day that people just casually say "oh yeah, by the way, don't freak out if you see a PI's van following you around, it's just my narc dad sending his flying monkeys doing his funny business again!" LOL

But seriously, yes, getting an income again will definitely go a long way to shielding myself from their insanity! You are so right too about giving them an inch .. we can't even give a millimeter to them or all hell will break loose. Thanks :)

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Kizzie

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Re: Anxiety due to narcissist parent stalking me again
« Reply #3 on: July 11, 2018, 05:05:27 PM »
 :hug:

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Rowan

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Re: Anxiety due to narcissist parent stalking me again
« Reply #4 on: July 13, 2018, 09:07:59 PM »
 :grouphug:

 :aaauuugh:

Foo are so awful sometimes.


 :grouphug:

Rowan

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SOS

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Re: Anxiety due to narcissist parent stalking me again
« Reply #5 on: July 14, 2018, 01:10:17 AM »
Hi SE7 - I am new here but I know exactly what you're talking about! I am also going through this with my only remaining immediate relative and was videotaped, hacked, tracked and photographed without my permission for 2 years while I was physically ill. I now cannot stand anyone pointing a camera at me! This is by my relative's partner who is a monster. I won't go into more but know that I know what that feels like! How do I mourn someone who is still alive?

I just want to run back because it used to be a safe place for me and I am struggling financially and have lost all my safe people and places over the past 5 years. I recently learned of the term called "trauma bonding." I also listened to Bessel Van Der Kolk and he makes so much sense! We NEED at least ONE safe person. I'm missing that right now.

I wish you well...

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SE7

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Re: Anxiety due to narcissist parent stalking me again
« Reply #6 on: July 16, 2018, 08:28:47 PM »
Thanks again Kizzie & Rowan!

To SOS: thank you for being here to share your similar experience! I am so sorry you're going through this NIGHTMARE too!
I just went through a week of paranoia (reality based!) thanks to this horrible family of mine.
YES - HOW DO I MOURN PEOPLE WHO ARE STILL HERE? It's like they are not the same people who raised me as a child. They have been replaced with demons or something. I feel like I'm in a perpetual state of mourning the loss of my entire family, on a daily basis, even though they are all still alive. Same here! I was forced to run back last year to them but that's why I'm still in this mess. The trauma bond is a hard thing to break because they make us dependent on them either emotionally or financially or whichever way. I'm sorry you don't have a safe person. But you can consider me one 'in spirit' since I know what this feels like!

It was reaching a fever pitch when I saw TWO PIs suddenly "appearing" this week .. I started to feel like I was in some type of scary movie or matrix but then I had to remind myself that this was ACTUAL, REAL LIFE due to NARCISSISTS that I am unfortunately related to. I have to tell you, I am still in a state of shock & disbelief that they are actually capable of doing this to me. I would give more details about it but don't feel comfortable to do so in a public forum.

I am quite sure that I also was potentially photographed by at least one of the people who looked like a PI, as he was holding a phone. I was imagining all the photos being sent to my sick-* Classic Malignant Narcissist "father" ... it was riling me up into an anxious frenzy, until a few days ago I got a very suspicious email from my Enabling Borderline-Narcissist (Queen-type) "mother" - she was obviously making a request of me to 'help her' with something as an excuse to try to prove my current location.

I came up with a really great way to counter her request by mentioning point blank that there is a PI following me! However, I went 'grey rock' covert with her just as they are both doing to me - and I did NOT directly accuse them of hiring the PI. I called their bluff and have not heard from them since! They proved their own guilt by going TOTALLY SILENT on me.

I have blocked their phone numbers on my phone. They cannot reach me except  by email. There are some reasons why I still need LC with them, but aside from that I refuse to let them contact me by phone. They lost the privilege after abusing my phone number like this!!!! It is a very lonely place to be related to people willing to actually hire professional stalkers.

I was hoping to move forward & feel empowered again with them out of town but they already eclipsed that for an entire week, and now I am having emotional flashbacks! I have broken down in tears probably 3 times already including today. Right now I'm going back to bed because my soul just needs rest.
« Last Edit: July 16, 2018, 08:31:45 PM by SE7 »

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Kizzie

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Re: Anxiety due to narcissist parent stalking me again
« Reply #7 on: July 17, 2018, 05:28:48 PM »
I hope the rest helped SE7  :yes: 

 

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SOS

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Re: Anxiety due to narcissist parent stalking me again
« Reply #8 on: July 17, 2018, 05:58:24 PM »
Sorry you're going through this but you're way ahead of me. I just want to run back and beg to be there because my loneliness is crushing. I feel completely abandoned by everyone and dissociate when I try to go out in public. It's a constant "get off of me" thought in my head. Traffic, stores, people that get too close, noise, light, weather, commercials on tv. I feel so hopeless today. But... that's kind of the norm lately. I don't know where my happy place is. My apt. has become a trigger. Unbelievable!

You sound strong and empowered!

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SE7

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Re: Anxiety due to narcissist parent stalking me again
« Reply #9 on: July 19, 2018, 02:23:12 PM »
Thanks Kizzie :)

Thanks SOS :) I'm glad I sound strong & empowered to you, because I don't feel that way. I'm in another one of my long, extended periods of needing constant rest & comfort. It's not a good place to be when I am still needing to get a job!

I know what you mean about the loneliness - that's really an issue for me too, because I got so used to having someone always around when I lived with them last year. Even though I spent much of the time hiding from them, just having their activity going on in the background made me feel a part of something. Now I am entirely alone except for occasional social outings, but as soon as I'm home alone, the isolation sets in and lasts a long, long time. I am disturbed by the fact that pretty  much everyone in my life is one variety or another of narcissists! How can I possibly recover when that's the case?

I have the same thing when I go out in public, the "get away from me" thing! I didn't know anyone else felt that. I internally overreact from any intrusion on my senses when around people. I also know what you mean about the apartment becoming a trigger. For me, I see the loads of boxes I have yet to unpack which I've been carting around for years every time I moved, and it reminds me of all the times I was lost, and also even when I was homeless 5 years ago when my narc. family refused to help me. I am surrounded by things that I'm not willing to touch or deal with right now. I try to organize a few things every now & then but I'm only able to deal with it in very small bits. It's no doubt from the C-PTSD.

The best thing I guess we can do is read the recovery books .. which reminds me I need to continue reading Hidden Abuse by Shannon Thomas (I made some progress with that) and also Pete Walker.

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SOS

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Re: Anxiety due to narcissist parent stalking me again
« Reply #10 on: July 19, 2018, 02:44:15 PM »
I know intellectually that it is good for me to get out and be in the world but it's extremely hard.

I did the puppy petting yesterday and a pup fell sound asleep in my lap and was like a bean bag for about 45 minutes. I thought "I want to feel this way!" It was painful being on the floor though. I heard all these women talking about their lives, vacations, family... and just felt like I don't fit in anywhere.

I just want to go HOME. I don't know where that is anymore. I need FAMILIAR people and places but they're all gone.

I don't know what the answer is.

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Blueberry

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Re: Anxiety due to narcissist parent stalking me again
« Reply #11 on: July 19, 2018, 09:01:53 PM »
Sending  :hug: :hug: and compassion SE7 and SOS! That sounds absolutely awful for both of you.

I like the bit with the puppy though, even if sitting in one position on the floor can be pretty uncomfortable. You know, some people talk away about vacations etc etc but can't feel into the moment at all, e.g. the long moment of holding a sleeping puppy on their lap.

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Kizzie

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Re: Anxiety due to narcissist parent stalking me again
« Reply #12 on: July 20, 2018, 05:16:39 PM »
 :grouphug:  for you both SE7 and SOS. 

I know this isn't the total answer but would actually getting a pet be helpful?  Then you're not completely alone and have a bit of a family started. It really is difficult to feel quite so alone when you're greeted by a being that is soft and warm and unconditionally loving. It would also let you give some love in return.   

Just a thought  :Idunno:

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finallyfree

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Re: Anxiety due to narcissist parent stalking me again
« Reply #13 on: July 21, 2018, 11:54:05 AM »
Dear SE7 and SOS,
I am so sorry you both are going through this. It must be terrifying. Especially with a family like SE7ís that plays this many games. These games are so hurtful. I hope you both feel a little better being good to and caring for yourselves. I have to say Kizzie is right about having an animal to love and that loves you unconditionally. I donít know what I would do without my dog. He is the best friend and companion I have ever had. When my family was still in my life but always scapegoating me for any and everything they could make up, I remember thinking my dog treats me better than they do!!!! Itís a sad but true fact. I also understand the part about being stalked, not to the extent you are SE7, but it still brings up anxiety and stress when I am made aware of their attempts at contact. I am so sorry for you. I wish you and SOS peace in your lives moving forward.  :hug: to both of you.
Finallyfree