Feel like I have 0 to offer

Started by Kalmer, July 17, 2018, 09:33:27 PM

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Kalmer

I don't know if it's because I've been trying so much more than usual or what. I feel like I have nothing to bring to the table. I don't mean to moan or b*&%$ but there seems nothing for me to say, nothing that I can do. I don't want this to be a very long post, simply because it's so negative. Anyone know what I'm saying or can help me out here?

Blueberry

I checked your posts  ;) and it seems to me you've been contributing here! You sent me a  :grouphug: and good wishes about my landlord e.g.  Even if I or other people don't respond, it doesn' t mean it's not heard or appreciated!

Also your post on the Silent Scream was certainly a contribution. I don't mean that negatively. It came after this post though, so maybe this post is no longer relevant for you?

It could be this feeling is a throwback to earlier times? An Emotional Flashback to a time when others or the traumatic situation itself made you feel that you had nothing to say or that there was nothing you could do about it? 'Nothing you could do about it' is the essence of trauma somehow - it was an inescapable situation for the age you were at the time and / or the 'tools' you had. Check here http://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=57.0 or Pete Walker for info on EFs, if you like.

Anyway, I'm glad you're feeling better, as you wrote on the Silent Scream thread.  :hug:

Eyessoblue

Hi, I'm sorry you feel like this, it's the worst feeling I get it regularly too. I've just started Cbt and I've been encouraged to write a mood diary and a positive feelings diary. For every negative I throw a positive next to it and cross the negative one out.
It's about changing the brain chemistry, constantly focusing on what you don't have will encourage the brain to go deeper and look for more negative, by focusing on positive something as simple as I spoke to a friend today and offered advice or I took my dog for a really long walk etc find the positive in the small things you do rather then all the negative of what you can't do.
It does help me and it helps the brain to find that feel good factor rather then the negative one.
Hope this may help, it's important to remember that 'everyone' has 'something' to offer no matter how small it is. Today for me I've got up, I've showered got dressed and done 3 lots of washing, trivial as it is I have to look at it and say 'look at what I've done today isn't that good''.
That inner critic needs to shrink and according to my therapist the more positive I talk to myself it will shrink and eventually disappear.

jamesG.1

yup, I've had that in loads of ways and it comes and goes.

It's a perception thing tho, and it helps to know that it's a sort of wave that comes and goes. No denying we are coming back at life with a lot of baggage and scars everywhere, but we are actually a lot wiser for the experience and once we do find our place back out in the world, we have a lot to offer. Trouble is the wrapping on experience. Take a good look at all the posts in here and you'll see a lot of naturally empathic smart people rebuilding themselves from the ground up, the sort of challenge "well" people don't really understand.

Go with the feeling and let it wash over you for now, let it burn off and don't fight too hard. Struggling can make it worse. Just know that you need time to let these feelings naturally process and your real original self to come back into focus. The looking at yourself as being worthless thing is universal tho, it comes with the job. Just know that we will all experience it to varying degrees as part of our recovery and that it is a natural way for our brain to reevaluate the negativity we have had inflicted on us. I found it really helpful to try and identify the voice that all these outer and inner critics take on, and if that is obvious to you after a while, start taking that influence down, brick by brick. Take your time and go steady. Recovery from C-PTSD is not linear and can sometimes relapse hard, but if you try and remain objective and play the detective with your inner demons, sooner or later you can coax them out of the shadows and spray them with a bug spray.

You have lots to give. If people felt they could take from you, then there was something valuable there. It's still there, but now the value is yours.

As always, recommend the Spartan life coach on youtube. That guy really knows how to explain these dynamics in a clear everyday manner.

Stiffen the sinews, it's your life, take it back!

Kalmer

Thanks JamesG.1, your reply really cheered me up.

I watched a Spartan life coach video and enjoyed it, though some points were a little challenging. I'm going to watch some more though, as I liked what RB had to say.