New to CPTSD

Started by Kat5174, July 20, 2018, 09:44:00 AM

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Kat5174

Hello

I have recently come to the realization that I have CPTSD. I have been through and overwhelming year and finally it is sinking in that years of domestic violence ( physical, verbal, - including death threats from him and " his friends ") past sexual abuse and being stalked has made me have symptoms that I never connected to cptsd. I look back and see the dissociation, depression etc. and I dont know how I did not realize the trauma I had gone through and the the symptoms that I had. I just numbed out and got what I needed to get done to survive. I am trying to break fully out of the denial that I have been under about the trauma that I have gone through, but the numbing is so intense and overwhelming that it wants to draw me back into the fog. When I do feel anything it like an overwhelming tidal wave of feelings and emotions. I have a therapist now , but I feel he wants to skim over the trauma and just focus on feeling better right now. Does anyone have any experience with eye movement processing and effectiveness or any other suggestions that may help?
thanks so much

Blueberry

Hi Kat5174  :heythere: and a warm welcome to the forum!

Wow, it sounds as if you're going through a really intense time atm.

Sometimes it's beneficial in healing from cptsd to slow down a bit. I certainly never want to hear that when I need to hear it. So that's what I think of when I read "break fully out of the denial" and "overwhelming tidal wave of feelings". That sort of thing can become too much for our systems leading to healing going backwards rather than forwards for a while. If your therapist is trauma-informed, he may have in mind that you need to feel temporarily 'well enough' to start processing the trauma. For instance it's good to have certain skills like self-soothing in place and the ability to sort of come back out of dissociation before things go really deep.

If he isn't trauma-informed and is saying more "you need to get over this, forgive and forget, focus on the present and the future" then that's not a good thing. It's a good thing to discuss these concerns with your therapist. If he isn't open to discussing with you and hearing your concerns, that's a bad sign.

Do come back and let us know how you're doing  :yes: We care about you.

Blueberry

I haven't had EMDR myself (my T decided it would be too overwhelming for me) but there are quite a few mbrs on the forum who have had it.

If you scroll through the Treatment General board http://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=39.0 you'll see threads where EMDR is discussed, which could be helpful reading for you.

Libby183

Welcome to OOTS. 

You have clearly had a very traumatic time, and  I think most of us will relate to how you just don't realise the damage that has been done, until it hits you suddenly and you are absolutely overwhelmed.

You asked about emdr and therapy generally.  I had emdr recently,  and found it very effective for dealing with physical pain. After eight years plus of numerous different pains, I am virtually pain free. It also uncovered how much of my suffering stemmed from complete lack of attachment to my mother in my very early years.  This,  in turn,  helped my emetophobia,  somewhat.  Apparently the two things are very linked.

So I believe that emdr can be very effective but I would add a caution that my NHS therapist was very insistent that I forgive my parents because she felt that the problems in the relationship were caused by me and not them. I struggled with this and left therapy. I am probably in a worse place now, pain-free but suffering from even more guilt and shame.  I would suggest taking notice of your doubts about your therapist,  just in case. Maybe, establish exactly the goals of therapy.

I really wish you well in your journey and think you will find a lot of support here.

Take care.

Libby.

Eyessoblue

Hi yes have had emdr and like Libby had it through the nhs where I was entitled to 12 sessions.
Emdr is very intense and brings up all kinds of feelings/emotions etc but it does work.
It's a long and hard often very painful experience.
As Libby stated if you're not comfortable with your therapist then don't do it. You need to feel that he/she is on your level and understands.
I was really lucky with mine and had this, but in Libby's case she didn't and now feels worse in someways.
I finished emdr a few months ago and I still feel the brain processing is continuing, I'm now having Cbt but believe I'm probably going to need emdr some more due to a lot more things that are coming up.
Apparently emdr in the uk anyway is considered the best form of therapy for PTSD, and I do believe this but also think you need to have a lot of psychotherapy alongside it to help you get through.
Happy to answer anymore questions you may have about it.

Kizzie

Hey Kat - Different members have had different responses to EMDR so you may want to investigate it a bit more as Blueberry has suggested.  It was originally developed for PTSD which involves single or short term incidents of trauma.  Complex PTSD on the other hand involves ongoing or repeated incidents and an accumulation of trauma layers.  Tapping into too much too quickly can be overwhelming.  If the practitioner is well trained though and knows to go slowly/carefully, it can be effective.