Hello, I'm new here. I'm glad to see there's a forum for CPTSD. The topic seems to get lost in the so many other issues we face in today's world. I'm babbling , I really don't know what to say or ask at this point. Please don't take my quietness as being anti social, I'm tired, tired of talking about this, tired of searching for answers and tired of trying to get my life back.
Welcome, Dyess. :wave: This forum is a safe place for those of us with cptsd. It's okay to "babble" (though you don't sound babbly to me). It's okay to be quiet and just read around the site. Your fatigue over this issue is certainly understandable! Please take your time. You are welcome here. :hug:
Thanks for the response. You know it's exhausting trying to explain what we are going through the counselor wears me out with each session. It's 3:09 a.m. here and I'm wide awake so I thought I would work on my taxes. Did it surprise you to be diagnosed with C-PTSD? It did me, I had been through so much and seemed to do okay with it...why now? I have never seen so many emoticons in one place, in all my life, wow. Everything that was normal in my life is now the opposite. I was very sociable, now I don't care to be around people, I loved going places, now I don't want to leave the house. It's hard to adjust to and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. If there were ...it would probably be an oncoming train anyway.
Well, there are no trains here!
I like to think of it less as a tunnel and more like a valley. You are heading for a distant hill! It might be hard, but if you keep going, and don't give up, you'll only be that much more prepared for the next valley. I wish you all the best. Many warm hugs to you for making it this far!
:bighug:
Thanks for the response. It's been almost 18 mos. I'm so very tired.
Hi Dyess and a warm welcome to OOTS :hug:
I know that bone weary exhaustion you are talking about, many of us do. There is a lot of trauma involved in CPTSD and it takes a toll no denying that. It sounds like it might be time to take a bit of a break from your searching and talking, get rid of whatever stressors in your life that you can and make time to rest, relax and recharge. Are you able to do that?
Hello Kizzie and thanks for responding, no right now it's pretty busy with doctor's appointments, getting taxes done, not sleeping, just a lot to do. I have had maybe 5 hrs. sleep in three days. Plus doing paperwork to try to protect my job. Major stressor. Hopefully in time I will have that down time. Sometimes I think fighting for the job is not worth it but I need my insurance. Obama Care and Cobra is way too expensive. I don't understand if you can't afford to get insurance how can you afford to pay the fine. That whole thing is as messed up as a soup sandwich. Anyway, thanks again for checking in. Take care.
Had an appointment with the doctor today. I still think she thinks I'm heading towards suicide even though I have told her no. You can't change how people think. She has written me out of work for another couple of weeks. It's all so confusing. I was out of work for about 6 weeks before with the anxiety, panic attacks, depression, etc. Well I ran out of FMLA time and thought I had better to go back to work. I requested some accommodations that were really minor and my supervisor seemed to be okay with them but when I returned it was the same old stuff, same stressful situations, being pushed together with people that I don't care to work with. It was bad, and I ended up back out of work all stressed out again. So HR is getting involved with the accommodations now but I haven't heard back from them. It would be stupid to go right back into that same stressful situation. My stress level is so much lower here at home, until I have to leave the house. Got to get this not sleeping and then sleeping too much thing straightened out. Had about 4 hours of sleep in 36 hrs. Then I crashed.
So if I go back to work it will be a protected leave but non-benefited. SO trying to get all my medical stuff taken care of and prescriptions filled before next week. This way of life truly sucks.
:hug: Dyess. I don't have any sage advice for you other than to let you know we do care here that you are having such a tough time. I do hope things improve sleepwise soon, that in itself will help you to feel better.
Hi Dyess, and welcome. I'm sorry to hear that you've got such an enormous lot on your plate right now. No advice here either, sadly. I hope things start becoming easier very soon. Lack of sleep can really mess things up.
True about the emoticons. I like them. The shark one and the one with the alien mothership are very useful for talking about our families of origin.
Thanks everyone for your input. I guess it will work out some how. Take care.
Hello Dyess, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I went through something quite similar at work in 2012. It was very painful and stressful. I went from 40+ years of being "normal" and functioning to "not". Fifteen years working for the same company. Now, three years later I am again working and socializing some, but my life has changed, I think for the better. I've become much more discerning about my people interactions, what's healthy for me at home, work and out & about in the community.
It sounds like you are starting to get a good handle on how you feel, what stresses you, other people's responses to you, and finding comfort in being at home.
You've found a supportive community of people here. And if you need to walk away from it all for a moment there are even jokes and community cafe :)
I wish you the best in your healing and hope that you find some support and solace here.
Thank you C. There are supportive people here and I appreciate all the responses. I'm sure there is a wealth of knowledge here about PTSD. But knowing what to ask is a problem. I have read so much about it but it's not sinking in. Or maybe the frustration is over riding the level of comprehension . I see my counselor tomorrow. My doctor wants me to write down questions for her. So far I have none. Any suggestions?
I'm not sure, but maybe start with what you just described as I understand it...that the ideas don't seem to be sinking in, that you feel frustrated and you aren't sure why?
I sometimes describe what you're saying as understanding intellectually, but not in a feeling way. I'm not sure if that's what you mean though.
I guess my gut response to what you're saying is simply that this is a complex topic. It's easy for it to become overwhelming. So sometimes the first step is simply accepting that a little at a time is ok, whatever you're ready for. I find that I start with something that I do understand and build from there, the parts that I don't understand I tend to ignore and accept that one day I will or won't, but I cannot focus there.
Thanks.
Just found out a good friend from the Police Dept. had a seizure and went into cardiac arrest. Not expected to make it, he is in his late 40's a very nice guy. Breaks my heart, as if it needs to be broken anymore.
So sorry to hear that Dyess :hug:
Sorry to hear that, Dyess. A friend of mine died recently - she was younger than I am and had two kids. I'm still reeling from that.