Based on an idea notalone gave me (thanks notalone!), I'm starting this thread for myself and anybody else who wants to join in. I figure there are probably more people on here than me who have difficulty doing themselves a kindness. An act of kindness to myself can be a very personal thing. What works for me might not work for others.
Anyway, I'll start:
1) I had the spontaneous idea to go to Ash Wednesday church service this evening, set the person I was talking to a definite limit - you can come or not, but I'm going - and I went and it did me good in a number of ways.
Sometimes to be strict is to be kind to myself.
Today I made sure I got up 45 minutes before my first student came (instead of 5 minutes before) so that I felt ready to teach. That way my day starts out better too.
I love the idea of this thread BB (tks too Notalone)!
Mine was to book an appointment with a T that knows about CPTSD (finally found one here!).
I should add that one act of kindness I've been doing for myself every day now for a week or two is not watching the news and it has made such a difference in how triggered/depressed/in despair I feel.
Blueberry, that makes sense. To get up early is taking stress off your shoulders. :cheer:
Kizzie, glad you found a T who knows about cptsd. I hope it goes well.
Tonight I am going out to dinner with my daughter. My act of kindness will be to get what I want and enjoy it without guilt (that's the goal!).
Quote from: Kizzie on February 27, 2020, 05:42:10 PM
Mine was to book an appointment with a T that knows about CPTSD (finally found one here!).
I should add that one act of kindness I've been doing for myself every day now for a week or two is not watching the news and it has made such a difference in how triggered/depressed/in despair I feel.
:cheer: :cheer: :cheer: on both counts!
I noticed today that it's not easy for me to define Kindness to Myself. Kindness towards others is easier. However, I finally went clothes shopping with a gift certificate I was given about 6 months ago and bought myself a hoodie. I had something way more mundane in mind but I saw these hoodies and I've been looking for a bigger one for quite a few years. :)
Enjoy your hoodie. I find certain clothes to be comforting, and a hoodie, especially a big one, is comfy.
an emotional Kindness to Myself: Accepting where I am on my healing journey today
a physical Kindness to Myself: I added some pureed apple to my lunchtime sauerkraut, makes it more palatable to me.
atm I'm helping myself with this topic by thinking what steps I would take with my overwhelmed ICs. What would little Blueberries have needed and still need today? One is: help keeping room clean and tidy and especially help with it before it got / gets out of control. Needless to say that applies to my whole apartment these days. To be kind to myself could entail keeping my ICs in mind and cleaning and tidying bit by bit. Now I remember I did clear a part of a floor today!
1. Allowing myself to sleep in and then just staying in bed nice and warm under the blankets. I do have a cold so it felt the most beneficial thing anyway.
2. Packing my hotwater bottle to take up to the farm with me. And I'm only going up if they remember to collect me by car on their way home. Self-care :yes:
Hi Blueberry - I really appreciate your thread of one act of kindness - it is really lovely. Glad you allowed yourself to sleep in and stayed in bed in the warmth. As you know, I have a cold too, and I think I'm going to have a sleep now as well. :hug: to you.
Hope :)
Today at the farm I took a break when I needed it and actually went back to bed and slept for 30 mins. Normally I would have pushed through the remaining 20-25 mins work. But not today. :no:
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Hope, I read you had a cold. I hope you're managing to get enough rest and to stay warm :hug: :hug:
Decided to be open and honest with a member on the board who no matter what members suggest to help the mbr says why it won't work AND is actually getting a bit insulting.
I hate seeing genuinely caring members jump through hoops trying to figure out how to help/support someone who is either a troll or has issues that aren't CPTSD related. Waste of our precious time and energy.
I said what I needed to, handed responsibility back to the member truthfully and authentically so I don't have a knot in my stomach all day. It's my act of kindness to myself today and it feels good.
:thumbup: :applause: :cheer: :hug:
Quote from: Kizzie on March 02, 2020, 05:48:58 PM
Decided to be open and honest with a member on the board who no matter what members suggest to help the mbr says why it won't work AND is actually getting a bit insulting.
I hate seeing genuinely caring members jump through hoops trying to figure out how to help/support someone who is either a troll or has issues that aren't CPTSD related. Waste of our precious time and energy.
I said what I needed to, handed responsibility back to the member truthfully and authentically so I don't have a knot in my stomach all day. It's my act of kindness to myself today and it feels good.
Kizzie, you always handle things with such grace. I really admire that :)
I went into the garden for a while to do some post-storm clean-up. I do have a bit of a cold and/or the usual FOO-conflict related sore throat but I thought being out on a mild day doing something constructive would be both helpful and healthy. Fresh air is good in my state. It did me good. I didn't really even notice my sore throat when I was out there. It's not a sore throat typical of a cold anyway. So I think it was kind to myself to 1) allow it and 2) actually get my act together and go down
My act of kindness to my self today is to try and be OK with someone not agreeing with me. I have been taking more risks to say what I think and feel and it really is OK when others don't agree.
My act of kindness to myself today is to not force myself to think of one because I can't. I don't think I did anything particularly unkind to myself (which is something).
rn I think I'm getting sick so my act of kindness will be: email my students to cancel tomorrow's lessons instead of attempting to push through 'somehow'.
My act of kindness to myself today will be getting a massage (and hopefully not feeling guilty about it).
Yesterday I thought I "should" be colouring in instead of doing some wordsearches and dot-to-dots but I allowed myself wordsearches and dot-to-dots. That's being kind to myself. The "should" is undoubtedly internalised M and/or B1 :yes: No wonder "should" is never good for me.
Yesterday I finally got on with some of the remedies my doc has suggested before like a poultice, and gargling specific powders. These are more effort than just popping a pill but I know they do work, so that's kindness / self-care.
By taking an adult student up on her offer of help to buy and bring anything I needed, I got a whole grocery bag of thoughtful kindness along with her running the errand I'd actually asked for. I was kind to myself by taking her up on her offer and then she was doubly kind in return.
I've been using my hot water bottle a lot the past few days. That's kindness as a pain reliever.
I went outside well-wrapped up and stood for a few minutes in the sun in the garden, looking a bit at what's growing.
Our son is coming home the week before Easter so I indulged my love for all things bunnies and put out decorations early. Makes me smile when I look at them ;D
Thanks for starting this thread! It's awesome!
I felt many emotions, some pleasant, some less so, and I welcomed them all, without freaking out.
I got myself to the doctor's today tho I didn't really want to make the effort. But when I did it was good for me because more clarity on what I should be taking and not and what I should be doing and not. So going was a kindness to self.
I bought myself some jelly/jello, already made so I don't even have to wash a saucepan.
Yesterday I checked the bustimes and routes (which have just been massively altered) to see if there is an easier way to my doc's. There is. I went that way.
I am here for myself and I understood the emotional pain that my littles felt at my new psy appointment. Although I am struggling quite a bit (having a flare up), I understand my limitations and I will drink some hot chocolate before bed.
A hug for my little parts :hug:
I took a pain reliever and it really helped, for several hours anyway. I was able to sleep and doze. I don't think I've taken a pain reliever since after an operation over 10 years ago. They're certainly not anything i usually have sitting about at home that I can just pop in my mouth. So a big act of self-kindness. :)
Took another one last night before bed. That way I managed to finally sleep and when not doing so at least lie quietly and just rest.
A couple of days ago I used body lotion on my terribly dry feet, put on woollen socks and then wrapped my feet up in an old towel and lay down. Kindness and self-care - for my skin + massaging my feet helps me reground and somehow calms me.
Although part of me wants to hide my head in the sand, my H and I took a realistic look at the coronavirus pandemic, discussed ways of avoiding contracting the virus, and bought some extra supplies, enough for 2 wks to a month, so we can stay closer to home. Being prepared, realistic, calm is an act kindness to myself, but also to others in this case.
:thumbup: Kizzie
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Yesterday and today I organised and accepted help from friends to run a few errands for me: mailing letters, collecting a prescription for my anti-deps, and buying food especially of the throat-soothing variety. When I mentioned I was shivery again, one friend offered me a couple more hot water bottles which I gratefully accepted. That is a kindness to myself because I don't always accept help for one reason or another. In fact, I didn't accept her offer of an electric blanket, more out of fear than anything else. (Don't ask about fear of an electric blanket :no: )
Yesterday I did indeed listen to and move to a CD of children's songs and lullabies. That was kindness to a younger part of me.
Today I sat out in the sun in the garden eyes closed, simply enjoying. I even took my woolly hat off when it was warm enough for my ears.
QuoteYesterday and today I organised and accepted help from friends to run a few errands for me: mailing letters, collecting a prescription for my anti-deps, and buying food especially of the throat-soothing variety. When I mentioned I was shivery again, one friend offered me a couple more hot water bottles which I gratefully accepted. That is a kindness to myself because I don't always accept help for one reason or another.
It's a HUGE act of kindness to let others help you BB, well done :thumbup: I hope you feel better soon :hug:
My act of kindness today was to cancel 2 appointments for this week that I had been on the fence about for fear of being over-reactive to the COVID-19 pandemic. I have done my research though and I know I am being smart and lowering my risk and the risk to others. :thumbup:
I listened to the birds singing when I woke up this morning.
I allowed myself to stay longer in bed today and :zzz: :zzz: :zzz: which I needed.
I'm also allowing myself to decide 'after all' not to do things I had an impulse to do, but then notice I can't when I come to the crunch. I'm conceding that I'm still not 100% well again and I'll probably have more energy tomorrow or the day after.
I followed my impulse and had a nap this afternoon :zzz: although there are lots of things to do atm i.e. getting prepared for what might become a lockdown (who knows, things are changing so fast).
This is an act of kindness that I haven't been able to do yet. Maybe it doesn't qualify to be here? I do want to be kind to myself and allow myself to revel in all the joy and brilliance that I feel even as others panic and are in turmoil. I do want to be kind to myself and give myself the room to be my self whatever it is, regardless of what other people might feel or say. I do want to be kind to myself and stop telling myself to be nice to those poor starving children, scared elderly or poor homeless people. I do want to be kind to myself and be nice to me, just me me me me me, and not punish me because it's narcissistic, selfish, egotistical or wrong.
Writing this out is already one small act of kindness to myself. Thank you for this space.
When I realised I couldn't think straight anymore, I postponed dealing with some work-related things till tomorrow.
Bundling up and my H and I are going for a walk in the fresh air and sunshine.
I have been resisting using klonopin to deal with my intense anxiety, because although klonopin is helpful to me in very small, very occasional doses, if I take too much of it, take it too often, or take it too many days in a row, it starts making me feel worse instead of better. So for the past several days, my acts of kindness to myself have involved mustering the strength to cope with the anxiety in other ways. Today, however, my act of kindness to myself was to allow myself klonopin because I really needed a rest from all that self-discipline and being strong.
I choose to love, even if it feels scary. It no longer threatens me anymore. Not like when I was a kid. It would be a kind act to myself, to let myself love and receive love, to let myself go into the field of love. Not hold back. I'm waking up to the fact that being loved is in fact all that I have ever wanted. It's never been about success, recognition, meaning, saving the world. They've all been distractions from the one thing that I couldn't get and was sucking the meaning out of my life. The kindest thing I can do to myself is to do what I've wanted all my life - float in the field of love.
I feel drawn to respond to this, Arale. Even though the entries in this thread are perhaps meant to stand alone, I hope this short reflection is okay.
Your description is so spot on, at least for what I need for my life. So why is it I can't seem to boost myself over the top and accept my role in love? For starters, I need inspirational lightning-bolts to awaken these long-hidden feelings. As you say, moving towards anything called love is scary. These words of yours have gone right to the heartful lift I've needed for so long.
What you said reminded me, in turn, of a centuries-old piece that the poet Rumi once offered:
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase "each other"
doesn't make any sense.
The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep."
Thanks again, Arale, for your story; and for sharing the truth that yes, we all can arise from some awful places and find ourselves floating in the love we've yearned for.
Quote from: Bach on March 20, 2020, 10:48:47 PM
I have been resisting using klonopin to deal with my intense anxiety, because although klonopin is helpful to me in very small, very occasional doses, if I take too much of it, take it too often, or take it too many days in a row, it starts making me feel worse instead of better. So for the past several days, my acts of kindness to myself have involved mustering the strength to cope with the anxiety in other ways.
:cheer: :cheer: :cheer:
Quote from: Bach on March 20, 2020, 10:48:47 PM
Today, however, my act of kindness to myself was to allow myself klonopin because I really needed a rest from all that self-discipline and being strong.
Sounds like great self-care to me! It's hard to be strong all the time, even more so in our shoes with cptsd. It's certainly not something I can do. :hug:
I did lots of beneficial and constructive stuff today as well as kindness to others, but self-kindness? Let's see.
Since I didn't sleep half the night, I didn't force myself to get up at 5:40 at my alarm to get to the Farmers Market really early before the crowds, but went back to sleep instead. I went out at the end of the Market instead, when there were no crowds either. Even if there had been crowds at the end, it would've been OK to go back home. I'm not starving.
When I got really tired, I allowed myself an afternoon nap totally guilt-free.
Quote from: woodsgnome on March 21, 2020, 04:56:28 PM
there is a field. I'll meet you there.
We'll all meet there, sooner or later, when we are ready. See you out there, woodsgnome.
I wanted to get an important letter into the morning post, so cycled off at 7:15. On leaving the letterbox (at max. 7:20), I allowed myself a little detour on the way home, went by the river just to see water flowing and yeah, I just took maybe 10 minutes longer than need be to have a little leg-stretch, do something I enjoy, but not strenuous either. Here, there is as yet no actual lockdown and people are still being encouraged to go out in the fresh air walking or cycling or running about (children) but just not in groups of more than 3 (except for families who live together).
To help me fall asleep last night, I took my hymn book from choir to bed with me and lay there whisper-singing a couple of hymns over and over again. I did that the night before too. Otherwise never. Totally new idea to strengthen and calm me in present situation.
Yesterday I spent a fair amount of time reading on our sister website OutOfTheFog to see how I could respond to an email from B1 in a way that protects myself. He was reaching out to see if I'm OK or need anything. I do think the question is genuine, but I still need to be careful. I made several changes to the email draft I had written to make it Grey Rock and Medium Chill and especially important, I shortened it. I haven't sent it yet either. Will look again today before I do so. Huge act of kindness to self :yes: :applause: :applause:
Since Idk Sunday or even Saturday, I've been making healthy and tasty meals for myself. This is a huge kindness to myself. It doesn't feel like such a huge psychological effort anymore either the way it used to.
After trying various ways of not going back to bed, I felt that what I really needed after therapy was in fact sleep, so I allowed myself that.
Quote from: arale on March 26, 2020, 10:20:38 PM
Am I turning this more into an intend to act kindly to myself page?
Hey arale, I'd rather you didn't turn this into 'intend to act kindly to myself' page. Part of the purpose of all these kinds of threads like this one and 3 Good Things a Day is to focus on the positives of the day and not realisations which are rather depressing to read about even though they are probably a step forward in recovery. Using words like 'crazy, self-doubt, misfit' etc, even calling yourself that, that's not an act of kindess to yourself in that moment. Do you see what I mean? There are other threads you could write on - your own Journal if you have one, maybe Today I realized... or any other ones like that at The Cafe https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=23.0
I started this thread at the kind suggestion of notalone,
see https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=12143.msg98105#msg98105 after I'd been discussing on my Journal what to give up for Lent, if anything. The thread really is about a concrete act of kindness to myself (or for any other mbr to themself). About finding that one small act of kindess per day, really focussing on finding one if need be. This is a healing tool. I hope you understand, arale, and don't feel offended or hurt.
Last night before going to sleep, I picked up my hymn and prayer book again and whisper-sang some evening hymns and also read some evening prayers to myself.
Then I slathered my hands in hand lotion for the night because my hands really need that atm. My hands feel better today :)
Yesterday I hurt my back. Instead of pushing thru it I laid down and took some ibuprofen. I took a nap and let my h cook dinner and do the dishes. Back feels better today.
I have put some nice cream on my feet this morning, and I also cuddled my 'soft toy' for a few minutes this afternoon to centre my thoughts and calm myself.
Hope :)
This afternoon I was tired after a couple of hours work in the garden, albeit slow work. I sat down and had a cup of tea before running an errand. On the way, I pushed my bike through a park instead of cycling up the usual steep hill, just to make it easier for myself. So two Acts of Kindness today.
Video conference with friends.
I made myself get up today and do a little work (5 mins) in the sun in the garden and then go for a cycle to collect something I said I'd collect, also mostly in the sun. Making myself do something can be a kindness.
I tried a virtual therapy session with my new T and I'm glad I did as it went well.
Kindness to myself is making myself do beneficial things, like go out on my bike, which I did today.
Playing games on my iPhone with my son, also sending cute/funny pics & videos of foxes back & forth - latest - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GegN_AXWWqc&feature=youtu.be ;D
Last night before going to sleep, I slathered my hands in skin lotion and I also rubbed a little onto my face where I'm noticing dry skin too. Kindness to my own body. :)
Had another virtual therapy session and allowed my teen (who adult me has had some difficulty figuring out how to help) speak and tell the T a bit about herself. Glad I did as it went well. :)
Quote from: Kizzie on April 09, 2020, 02:58:32 PM
Had another virtual therapy session and allowed my teen (who adult me has had some difficulty figuring out how to help) speak and tell the T a bit about herself. Glad I did as it went well. :)
Glad your teen had a chance to speak and be heard.
I don't know if this is still active but I'd like to add to it if that's okay.
I am proud of you all for showing acts of kindness to yourselves. I agree Blueberry I find it easier to show kindness to other people.
I am not too bad at showing kindness to myself in some ways, it is 'just' my IC who demolishes me self esteem. My main problem is if someone doesn't understand me - my explanation of something I instantly put myself down without realising I'm doing it by saying I'm not good at explaining things' so I don't feel like an idiot.
Anyway my act of kindness to myself today is to do some baking and tidy more of my flat. :cheer:
Quote from: Blueberry on April 09, 2020, 12:17:36 PM
Last night before going to sleep, I slathered my hands in skin lotion and I also rubbed a little onto my face where I'm noticing dry skin too. Kindness to my own body. :)
Ditto this evening when I lay down with a stomach ache. I also took a hot water bottle to bed with me for my stomach ache. Two Acts of Kindness.
I started this thread for Lent, which is now over, but I'm quite happy for the thread to continue if other people would like that. I know that these types of threads can be a good tool for some of us on here, so it's fine you added to it,
brightlight. On this forum it's generally fine to reactivate an old thread. There's an awful lot of useful information or experiences from others, sometimes even mbrs who are no longer active, in old threads.
It's great that you're not too bad at showing kindness to yourself,
brightlight . You know, that's one healing step achieved right there. :cheer:
Yay for baking and tidying :cheer:
:hug:
Thank you brightlight. :hug:
My act of kindness today is to tell myself "I love you".
My act of kindness to myself today: when I woke up in the middle of the night (3am or so) and noticed how dry my hands were, I slathered skin lotion on them again. Lots of hours left today for further acts of kindness but no pressure :)
Today too: I put skin cream on, for the first time in about a week, but I did it at all! :cheer:
I put my thinnest summer skirt back on when I realised that my shorts are just too hot. An act of kindness because I tend to think: oh well, tough luck, too much effort to change out of shorts again.
I was stressed today, very stressed, so much so that I dissociated quite badly in the middle of a lecture. It was possibly 30 minutes of just muffled sounds and darkness. The professor was speaking, and I couldn't hear the words, I was not there. Eventually we had a break, and I stood up, and instead of blaming myself, I accepted it, and was able to get back to the lecture and follow along.
I did an act of kindness to myself last night and the night before: I rubbed skin lotion into my hands and feet before I went to bed.
We've reached page 5 and IAW our guidelines I'm going to lock this and start a new page.