When I was younger, going through some hard times, I never thought of it as being neglect, abuse, or anything bad. Just thought it was how everyone lived. Now all of a sudden it's OMG that was trauma and horrible for a child to have been going through. So maybe this is why I'm not understanding the whole picture here. I'm glad I didn't know all those thing were bad things, I think it would have had such a negative impact on my life. Anyone else feel this way?
As a child, you were powerless and dependent on your abuser(s) so it makes sense that you didn't see things from that perspective. Children need the attachment bond so badly that they will blame themselves for what happened. Their world is so small (parents are the sun) that they can't see beyond.
As an adult, it's important to look back and see these things from our expanded world view, so we can name them as wrong and work to correct the misguided beliefs about ourselves as well as let our IC know that s/he is safe. It's when we gain this expanded view that true healing begins and we can give back those responsibilities to the people they belong to.
That makes sense. Plus back in those days, you didn't talk about such things with anyone. Is it any wonder our age group has so many issues? I'm 55.
<< It's when we gain this expanded view that true healing begins and we can give back those responsibilities to the people they belong to. >>
Give it back? How?
Agreed, we've grown so much as a society!
Give back: the shame for not being "perfect" (we were never meant to be anyone other than who we are), the parental emotions we felt responsible, the perceived lack of self from them...whatever it was that led to them abusing us. Those aren't ours to carry around. :)
I don't think I have that shame. I think they did the best that they knew how to do, and were capable of doing. I do resent m childhood being taken away from me. Is that a shame?