Dear "Colleagues,"
I want to write nasty words and send them to you. I want to hurt you like you hurt me. And yet would that actually make me feel better?
As I grow into my knowledge and understanding that I am autistic, it makes the way you treated me feel even worse.
You crushed me.
You destroyed my spirit.
You left me feeling small.
You took advantage of me.
And I blame myself. I hate you, but because you aren't here anymore, I turn it on myself.
I wish I knew if you think about me. I wish I knew that you felt sorry for how you acted. I wish I could move past this.
I wish the pit in my stomach would go away. I wish the images of your faces would fade. You pressed against my childhood abuse and used my healing against me. I trusted you and you betrayed me.
I also left. I could have stayed and continued to endure your treatment. But I didn't. And I think that leaving was the only way I could send a message.
I hurt still and am not sure what to do with that hurt.