Hello All!
Back in September (2023) when I had my Cptsd meltdown, I pretty quickly realized I was in trouble and started biking an hour every day to keep my suicidal ideation at a manageable level.
Exercise helped. It helped a lot. For some reason though I slacked off. I think I started so many other things, kinda rushing it with therapy and reading, and Forum addiction :) that I shelved the bike-ride after awhile. Today I was reading Lakelynn's journal and she mentioned "exercise". Something clicked in my brain. This evening I did my regular, one hour/20 kilometer bike run. Man, it helps... We can discuss Dopamine and depression for days, but honest to god, an hour's worth of exercise goes SOOO much farther than sooo many of the techniques I've been experimenting with. Instant gratification, dopamine hit, depression depressor... Good for health, life and self-love... Exercise.
So this thread is a support place for people who want to exercise and then let others know what they've done. We share and encourage like we always do. And we let others know about our own exercise successes and stories. Doesn't have to be complex or extreme, just what you did that day, whatever your exercise is, and are proud or looking for help and/or encouragement to keep it up.
Hope that makes sense. As always, together we are stronger and go farther.
:grouphug:
So this late afternoon I did a one-hour bike ride. I keep a good pace. I have a set route already with just the right amount of hills. 20 kilometers is 12 miles I think. Man it helped. It's like it stuffs my depression on a top shelf for a good two-three hours. I can still feel the positive effects.
Anyone who exercised today and wants to brag I'd LOVE to hear about it! :)
Anyone who wants to start exercising or do more, or more regularly, you can write here and we'll try to help and encourage in any way possible.
And for sure there are stories to go along with your workout. Personally I love the old French farmhouses I pass on my route. There's chicken pens and wild hawks, forests and fields. Lots of water inundation as the rains have been intense this Spring in France.
I'm picking up my son tomorrow. Maybe if I keep up this exercise I'm going to get through these vacation days in better form. Depressed Dads make for horrid holidays. My kids deserve better. I promise to do my ride tomorrow too!
Today was cardio day, 20 minutes on the rowing machine.
Awesome! Do you have a regular weekly workout program?
I've been struggling with illness so my regime has dwindled. Today is always a rest day. Tomorrow will be, too, and then I am starting a proper training timetable as of Friday. Muscle soreness is in my future. :cheer: (Yes, I am a bit odd...)
Chart, yes I do. I do resistance training Tuesday and Thursday. Cardio on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
NarcKiddo, L2N, I don't know about you but this helps and inspires me. Thank you!
More questions, free to respond or not, as you feel: How long have you been exercising? Does it get easier over time? Or is it still hard for you? How do you feel after exercise? How does exercise impact your Cptsd symptoms?
:cheer:
This is a good idea Chart!
I have a lot of triggering around taking exercise...
Apart from ambling into town centre, haven't done any for a few days, but I guess it was last week I started lying on the floor to do various stretching exercises. I only had one or two exercises in mind, but then I remembered others and added more and more. That felt fairly good.
I'm also going to singing lessons atm and singing in choir. Singing involves focus on breathing and focus on feeling / being in body. It's a form of exercise. It would be better if I practised daily. Sometimes I do for a couple of days...
I know this sounds very low-key compared what others would call exercise, but it's better than nothing. Maybe the existence of this thread will help me do a little more and/or a little more often.
Quote from: Blueberry on June 26, 2024, 11:40:56 PMThis is a good idea Chart!
I have a lot of triggering around taking taking exercise...
Maybe the existence of this thread will help me do a little more and/or a little more often.
Thanks Blueberry! Yeah the idea is really to explore, encourage and support.
Congratulations on the stretching and singing. I've often thought about doing a choir too but have just never felt I had the time.
Maybe it's difficult to talk about but what is triggering about exercise for you? No pressure to discuss but I'd wager you're not alone.
Me I just feel guilt and shame when I DONT do it. But it's far from my worst trigger.
Wonderful idea, Chart!
Exercise is definitely something I would like to get into, need to get into. Every now and then I get out and do something but... a few days a month probably isn't all that effective. ;) Today I used the stairs at work instead of the elevator, does that count? Hah... I wish I could do more vigorous things but certain bodily conditions are keeping my wings clipped a little, so I'm still trying to figure out what activities I can do without getting myself hurt in the process. I also don't know how some folks even have the time to exercise so much! Even 30 minutes a day feels like a lot.
Nice to hear of everyone's recent successes though! I hope this thread might help motivate me in turn.
Regards,
Aphotic.
I started an exercise routine about a year ago. It was really difficult at first, especially to keep motivated.
There are days I miss, of course. But, I have been fairly consistent for the past few months.
I find I feel much better. It definitely helps with depression and anxiety. Coupled with cutting out sugar and all processed foods I am doing better physically and emotionally. It's not a cure, it just helps.
Quote from: AphoticAtramentous on June 27, 2024, 06:05:35 AMToday I used the stairs at work instead of the elevator, does that count?
imho yes, it does!
Back in the days when stairs were a doddle for me,
of course I used the stairs and I couldn't imagine needing to use an elevator unless I was carrying something unusually heavy. And tbh I scoffed at the idea that using the stairs was especially useful except for saving energy (eco-freak) but now I know better. It's certainly good to keep going at what you
can do, before you can't anymore.
Quote from: Chart on June 27, 2024, 03:59:40 AMQuote from: Blueberry on June 26, 2024, 11:40:56 PMI have a lot of triggering around taking taking exercise...
Maybe the existence of this thread will help me do a little more and/or a little more often.
Maybe it's difficult to talk about but what is triggering about exercise for you? No pressure to discuss but I'd wager you're not alone.
I've found over the years here that I'm seldom absolutely alone...
However other than "must" and "should" are both triggering, I think more specific exercising triggers could derail the thread and might be better on a separate thread.
Quote from: Chart on June 26, 2024, 09:56:09 PMMore questions, free to respond or not, as you feel: How long have you been exercising? Does it get easier over time? Or is it still hard for you? How do you feel after exercise? How does exercise impact your Cptsd symptoms?
Since 2016. I wrote a blog article about it for OOTS in April 2023. It's here (if interested you should find it below the index list.Just scroll down) :
https://www.outofthestorm.website/guest-bloggers/2023/4/3/mens-sana-in-corpore-sano-meaning-a-healthy-mind-in-a-healthy-body-by-narckiddo-oots-member-3-april-2023
Apart from therapy, developing an exercise habit is the single biggest favour I have done myself. I started it way before therapy (before I had even realised I have CPTSD) and noticed huge benefits, mainly psychological at first. Which is really what hooked me and made me develop the habit. It does need to be a habit, too, because motivation waxes and wanes.
Luckily I have been doing it long enough that my recent enforced absences due to illness have not made the wheels fall off. I am itching to get back. And I have done it long enough that I can psychologically cope with the fact I have been busted way back from the progress I had made. It will take me time to get back to deadlifting more than my bodyweight. But that's OK.
Does it get easier over time? Hmm. The old trope is "it doesn't get easier; you get stronger". Depends what you mean by "easier". If it gets too physically easy you probably need to push a bit more.
How do I feel after? Energised. I might feel physically tired immediately afterwards but within half an hour I am raring to go. If I feel lethargic afterwards I am either overdoing it or getting ill. My coach makes a program of slowly progressive load so I can pretty much always feel I have done better on some metric or other than the last time. That is very encouraging. I also love data and monitor all kinds of metrics so it does make it possible to find an improvement. This becomes more important as I start working closer to my maximal ability. Newbie gains come fast but progress inevitably slows.
A big plus point for me, psychologically, is that FOO disapproves of sport and was never even vaguely interested in exercise. I was not pushed to do it as a child and there are no associations with FOO. I have many bad memories of childhood sports since I have no skills good for typical school team games, plus it would not do to get interested in sport from the FOO point of view so I was probably conflicted. This may be a factor in why it took me so long to get the bug.
So happy for all the feedback! And no time to comment... :'(
But nonetheless did 12 kilometers on my bike tonight. Happy and proud with myself.
:applause:
Happy and proud of everyone here too!
:grouphug:
Exercise has always been important for me. Growing up I played sports and spent many years swimming. Because I spend so much time in my head, I find it's a good way to get in my body and feel what's going on. I guess it's a different kind of awareness for me though some aspects are triggering. I started to lift weights about five years ago and find the gym to uncover a lot of "things." I grew up with an 80s "meathead" sf and find there's a lot of those types in the gym. The gym has also helped me reshape (haha) my relationship with food and awareness of my body, but I do find it's hard to be in the same meditative state as swimming.
Today I'm going to do some resistance with cardio at the end. I guess the stairclimber is a little victory and not purely torture. I was away on vacation and did a lot of walking/"hiking" and skipping and downhill was pretty fun.
Cool Dollyvee, Thanks!!!
Cor. I had my first leg day in I don't know how long. At least 10 weeks, but leading up to the pneumonia I was having so many off days with the Hep C that the whole regime has been wonky for at least 6 months. I am going to have major muscle soreness tomorrow and will probably be walking around like John Wayne for a couple of days.
So, today we found out how far I have been knocked back.
4 sets of 8 deadlifts has gone back from 70kg to 30kg. Other exercises have taken a similar knock. I can feel that my absolute strength has not gone back nearly that far. I'd guess 50kg rather than 30. It was not the weight that was the problem so much as the breathing endurance, which has been truly ravaged by the pneumonia. Once I get my cardio fitness back on track the strength will bounce back pretty fast, I reckon.
Anyway, it was nice to get back to something that feels like normality.
Yes dollyvee,
Quote from: dollyvee on June 28, 2024, 06:50:21 AMThe gym has also helped me reshape (haha) my relationship with food and awareness of my body,
When I make the effort to walk or drive to the gym, then sweat or feel pain while there, it definitely brings more awareness to the body. It's taken me several gym "tries" to let it sink in, but I'm ready now.
Quote from: NarcKiddo on June 28, 2024, 11:38:15 AMthe breathing endurance, which has been truly ravaged by the pneumonia.
I have been following your health issues, but didn't realize pneumonia was in the mix. Yes, that would present real difficulties getting back to your usual activities. Congrats on your leg day. I hope your prediction about muscle soreness is
WRONG. After a couple sessions of PT with stretches I am now into machines and exercise bands. For the legs, there's a strange machine which is like a stationary stair stepper. Not elliptical, not a bike, but just seated "up down up down." There's the 70-80 pound leg press. I'll have to look up the last one.
I can keep up motivation for 48 hours, then end up taking a break for 24.
Greetings! Only a day late, so that's something. I found the blog NarcKiddo, Thanks for the reference! And what a great feeling knowing there's no FOO memories or issues.
Quote from: Blueberry on June 27, 2024, 11:03:47 AMIt's certainly good to keep going at what you can do, before you can't anymore.
My feelings exactly.
Quote from: Little2Nothing on June 27, 2024, 08:48:15 AMIt definitely helps with depression and anxiety. Coupled with cutting out sugar and all processed foods I am doing better physically and emotionally
Amen brother.
Quote from: AphoticAtramentous on June 27, 2024, 06:05:35 AMhope this thread might help motivate me in turn.
I have the same hope.
So very cool. The info and input from everyone is inspiring. I spent the day on a roof so I think I've had my exercise for today. But I'm so happy to hear about yours! And can't wait to get back to my bike (if only because it means I WASNT on a roof that day :) )
That sucks NK. I know when I was sick last year, I could do a fraction of what I normally can cardio wise. It's hard not to take it to heart that you're not able to preform. I hope you're able to find enjoyment in what you can do right now.
Thanks dollyvee. I've learned not to get hung up on lost ground after the Covid gym closures and then gallbladder surgery. I am not training *for* anything other than my own health and wellbeing. So while going backwards could be annoying I choose to take the view that it is evidence I took the necessary rest for my health. I can push myself too hard, so knowing when to rest is good. I'm not competing against anyone except myself, so I just start again. In some ways the setback is not so bad because the return to form tends to be quicker than getting there the first time so I have lots of lovely big advances (I hope) to look forward to.
It was my first day back in the gym today. I did 40 minutes on the treadmill and then lots of stretching and mobility work. The treadmill certainly proved that my cardio endurance is indeed shot to pieces. I was struggling for breath for any sustained period over 4km/h. However my heart rate was not zooming up, which it has been doing, so I am making progress. It's a case of pushing at the boundaries, but not too hard.
Very awesome you're back at it NK! Set your own pace and congratulations!
Great idea for a thread, Chart! And good on you for resuming your biking again. You should be proud of yourself. :cheer:
I'm hoping to get back into a regular exercise routine as soon as possible. Life circumstances have gotten in the way over the last few years. I was in great shape a few years ago when I was able to go to the gym regularly. Then post-grad school and a hectic job got in the way.
I also used to be an avid runner once upon a time. I ran long-distance for many years. Running was my passion, as well as a huge endorphin-releaser. What they say about 'runner's high' is true. I found it to be incredibly therapeutic and it boosted my confidence. Sadly, I had to give it up about 8 years ago, when I found out I had bad hips and the ortho doctor told me I had to give up all high-impact exercise if I wanted to slow down the deterioration in my hips. I nearly cried. So I took up other forms of exercise instead, such as biking, walking, and swimming. I also did a lot of strength-training.
I'm a huge advocate for exercise. No matter what you do, or how long, every little bit helps. Especially for those of us with CPTSD. I need to follow my own advice and get back on the wagon.
Thanks Beijaflor57! Mutual encouragement helps so much. Your post has now got me thinking about my bikeride. I'm gonna try. I send you support and encouragement too! All your comments are spot on. Sorry to hear about the pesky hip issues. But there's lots of alternatives, just have to find the time and willpower to do it. Good luck!
It is always annoying and frustrating when health issues get in the way of the exercise modality we like best. But you are right, Chart, there are alternatives and sometimes those alternatives can turn out to be enjoyable if we give them a chance. Or at least we can find aspects of them that make them enjoyable enough for us to persist.
I never believed in "runner's high". I rarely get it noticeably, even after bouts of intense exercise, though I do feel energised afterwards. I was very surprised to encounter it during a really long and tedious session of endless leg presses on a machine. I had to get into a meditative zone to grind it out and all of a sudden I realised I was buzzing. Weird.
Quote from: NarcKiddo on June 30, 2024, 04:17:46 PMI was very surprised to encounter it during a really long and tedious session of endless leg presses on a machine. I had to get into a meditative zone to grind it out and all of a sudden I realised I was buzzing.
That gives me hope NarcKiddo. Thanks!
Today, I forced myself to walk for 1.34 miles, all before breakfast. I'm attempting "intuitive fasting." Before hand I did the hardest stretches and now notice I can walk uphill much easier.
Thank you for this thread Chart!
I also have found that exercise makes a big difference. I have been without any medication for some weeks now at a clinic for an inpatient treatment, and at the same time I started a new exercise routine: Mondays and Wednesdays 45min of what they call Medical training therapy (basically gym-like exercises to improve the physical health), Tuesdays and Thursdays 50min of Movement therapy (yoga, stretching and movement-like exercises to be more grounded in the present moment), and recently 50min of individual Anger therapy in which I get to box, hit, kick, and even scream to physically release the energy from repressed anger in my boda, and boy it helps!
The days I don't do anything, I kind of convince myself to get out, just step out of the room and walk 15min, if possible near nature.
I plan to keep at least some of these practices at home, since not much equipment is required.
I have realized that I loved training at the gym, but I unconsciously linked it with my anger, so when I wasn't feeling angry I just didn't feel like exercising. Now I can do it consciously, because it helps me with my mood, and to feel strong, and overall I feel better about myself.
So, I'm now getting up from the PC and going for a short walk 😊
Quote from: Dina on July 13, 2024, 11:30:07 AMI unconsciously linked it with my anger, so when I wasn't feeling angry I just didn't feel like exercising.
Interesting observation Dina. Yeah to getting up and being motivated. I think I'll do the same. :thumbup:
Well done, everyone, for keeping going. :applause:
I wish I could exercise more, but I have so much anxiety surrounding it. I used to be really active and go for 30 mile bike rides and do 10 mile hikes. Around three years ago, I started getting panic attacks anytime my heart rate got too high especially from exercising. My brain interpreted it as, "Oh, we're going to freak out now? Yeah, let's freak out!". Cue several years of not exercising, and my body feels like it's falling apart from it. Then, a month ago, I found out I have a severely pinched sciatic nerve which is causing inflammation and atrophy in my leg. I've started PT for it, so I'm starting to get some sort of activity from that. It feels good, and I know there's a lot more I can do for my body.
I know I need to get into some sort of an exercise routine, and I know there are a lot of low impact exercises I could start out with. I just really struggle with the consistency. Any suggestions to get back into a routine for a newbie who gets panic attacks when her heartrate gets too high and is struggling with other back/leg issues right now?
_Magpie, So sorry to hear about your sciatic... Maybe talk with your PT? My only other idea is yoga?
Sorry again. Hope someone else has some ideas!
Magpie,
Do you have a fitness tracker? The question is how do you know your heart rate is high? Do you feel a certain way? My goal is to refine what I'd say to you. IF you feel like it, I'm all ears.
Pinched nerves are terrible. I know that pain. The good news is, PT will give you some relief. How do the exercises you have fit with the Goldilocks principle? Easy, just right, or too hard?
I have now committed to the remainder of the month for leg exercises at the Y. Leg presses, leg curls, leg extensions. In two days, I've nearly doubled all my targets. I have all the proof on my phone, but nobody really cares but me.
My strategy is KISS. I start out with a 10 or 15 rep with a moderate weight. Then adjust the reps down, and ease up- to fool myself it's "easy." Then I crank it up where it was before. I keep making minor adjustments up and down and soon I've fatigued my muscles with plenty of rest in between. Plenty being at most a minute or two.
Stretches should come first, but they don't. When my body rebels I'll listen. So far, I've been able to do more than I possibly thought. And today, I needed only a small assist from one arm to rise from a squat. :cheer:
Your strategy sounds excellent, Lakelynn. :applause:
I'm doing weights with my weights coach and it is going nicely. My lung function still won't support all that much. My heart rate is not spiking high now (I use a chest strap monitor) and is exactly where I would expect it to be. So I am clearly getting enough oxygen to satisfy it, and am managing not to panic when I feel a bit short of breath, but it's frustrating when I get breathless too soon. My lungs can now deal with exercise that actually makes me a bit red in the face, so that's an improvement. Until I can get to sweaty beetroot level I will not be anywhere near back to normal, though!
Lakelynn,
I use a fitness tracker occasionally which confirms what I feel in my body which is feeling like my heart is going to pound out of my chest, and I can feel my pulse throughout my body like in my chest, face, fingers, etc., sometimes I get dizzy, and breathing hard even if I'm not pushing myself very hard (I have an albuterol inhaler that I use which helps but doesn't eliminate the breathing issues). I've gotten my heart checked, and the doctors say everything is fine. I'm just hyper-aware of it, so I feel all of the changes. There isn't a magic BPM that triggers the panic attacks, but I would say it's usually anything above 150 which, unfortunately, even moderate activity can get it racing that high. Even very light jogging for like 30 seconds will get my heart racing around 175.
With the pinched nerve, it isn't presenting like a normal pinched nerve with the sharp pains. It first showed up as a dent (atropy) with swelling in various parts of my leg. There was almost no typical nerve pain, just pain where the swelling was occurring. The PT exercises are helping with the atropy and strength, but I'm still noticing some swelling even though the pain from that has subsided. It's been a slow healing process, but I think I'm finally getting there.
The PT exercises are all very slow-paced mostly floor exercises which I can do easily: clamshells, leg lifts, bridges, stuff like that. I suspect that it's going to simply take distress tolerance to build up my tolerance to my heart racing. I'm just looking for suggestions to slowly ease into that and how to get into a good routine.
My Neurofeedback T is heavily stressing "Cardiac coherence". I'm not sure that's what it's called in English, but it involves breathing for five minutes but slowing the rhythm over that time. Here's a YT video guide, five minutes. Really simple.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dGJkzyKHKUE
I'm not at all up to speed on Polyvagal Theory but it's all involved and interconnected.
By slowing down our breathing we send signals to the central nervous system that we are not in danger. It's actually been kinda working for me only I am having trouble doing it the required 3 times a day at the moment.
Maybe doing this before exercise could have an impact on your heart reactions.
Just an idea.
Today was my first session with a physical health coach. I've been very anxious about it but it's funded for me by my workplace thus it's an opportunity that's hard to pass up, especially since I can stop at any time if I'm not comfortable with it. But my coach is very kind and understanding of my particular problems. I told her of my various health conditions that make it so difficult for me to exercise and she's given me some things to try that won't aggravate the painful parts of my body. A big part of it involves me going to a gym (or at least initially visiting one to scope it out) - which I have never done before, so that is extremely nerve-wracking. But I of course will do it regardless because high-functioning anxiety ahoy. Even when I'm covered head-to-toe in my own sweat, I'll still try...
Regards,
Aphotic.
Cool AA! Good luck and keep us posted how it goes.
:hug:
Well done, Aphotic, for grabbing that opportunity even though it feels uncomfortable and tough initially. :cheer:
I'm keeping on keeping on. My breathing was particularly difficult today, which was annoying. I really need and want to get my lung capacity back to where it was (which was never good), so that is added motivation to get on with it.
I'm depressed as * but I just realized I lent my bike to my son...
I'm sorry to hear that, Chart. Is there something else you could perhaps try doing to see if you get similar benefits? Swim, hike? Shadow box if you are after some intensity? Some domestic project or housework can be surprisingly satisfying both in terms of physical activity and getting a chore done.
:grouphug:
Thanks NarcKiddo those are all good ideas... but all I've managed is going back to bed...
:'(
Then maybe bed is what you need. Rest well, Chart.
:fallingbricks:
Thanks NarcKiddo
:hug:
Quote from: AphoticAtramentous on July 23, 2024, 05:25:56 AMBut I of course will do it regardless because high-functioning anxiety ahoy. Even when I'm covered head-to-toe in my own sweat, I'll still try...
Beautiful attitude! :applause:
Quote from: Chart on July 23, 2024, 01:06:51 PMall I've managed is going back to bed...
You'll be ready when you're ready. No sweat.
Quote from: NarcKiddo on July 23, 2024, 11:21:50 AMI'm keeping on keeping on.
This is the only way to get over those obstacles. Your lungs will respond eventually. Keep the faith.
Today I went to my new gym, got on the treadmill, cranked up the incline to 5 and steadily increased the speed to 3.0. I stayed with it, burned 165 calories , spent 50 minutes of heart zone time (125+) -over all.
I added some leg extensions, 20 reps at 40 pounds, and found a way to lower the padded bar around my ankles. Not bad for a maiden voyage. There's a large bag in the front passenger side with my purple mat, lace up ankle brace, 3 different colored elastic bands and looped cotton webbing for stretching those hamstrings.
The gym is within 2 miles of home, so proximity makes the difference.
Very cool Lakelynn. Thank you for your post. I am at this very moment procrastinating my morning exercises. You've inspired me to "bouge mes fesses". :)
Well done, Lakelynn :cheer:
Well done, Lakelynn!
I did a boxing session today for the first time in months. We went slowly and carefully and my coach stopped me as soon as my heart rate recovery started slowing. So it ended up just being 8 rounds of 1 minute on/1 minute rest and then we went for a walk. It's important I have someone to help rein me back because something like boxing I find such fun that it's easy to ignore any distress signals in the moment. Plus, of course, something so primal as a fight (even simulated) would probably damp down distress signals because in an actual fight you just have to keep going as long as you have to/can.
It is a big step forward, though, and I need to ramp up my lung function which has not improved at all in the last 6 weeks and is way lower than before the pneumonia. I can function perfectly well on a daily basis, but I want to get the baseline back up because if I should get a lung problem again I now don't really have any room for regression.
Quote from: NarcKiddo on August 05, 2024, 11:06:53 AMI need to ramp up my lung function
You can do it. It happens when you do it slowly. I'm glad to hear you did your 8/1 on, 8/1 off. Going for a walk afterward is a wonderful way to tell your body, "It's gonna be OKAY."
Quote from: Chart on August 05, 2024, 06:02:10 AM"bouge mes fesses". :)
LOVE IT!
Quote from: dollyvee on August 05, 2024, 06:40:49 AMWell done, Lakelynn :cheer:
Thank you dollyvee I
can't live without my cheerleaders.
Very cool NarcKiddo !
:cheer:
166 calories, 32 minutes, incline 6, speed: 2.7-2.9 heart rate 131-145 Precor treadmill plus stretches, banded walking and some balance ball time.
Heart rate zones:
moderate: 98-113 bpm
vigorous; 114-133 bpm
peak: 134+ bpm
intense activity 24 minutes per Fitibit
moderate activity 1 hour 20 minutes per Fitbit
Don't worry, I haven't gone off the deep end. My Fitbit premium subscription is over in 2 days. I won't care soon.
Hi Lakelynn,
I don't think you've gone off the deep end. I think you found a new interest/hobby and are learning something new. I posted a while ago to another member when talking about calories that sometimes we need this "rigid" framework to understand what's going on. I look at it as the scientific method in a way: I want to lose weight but I'm not losing weight. So, have I aligned my calories, am I eating enough protein etc? Tracking this allowed me to see when something was wrong and I wasn't losing weight, and that it didn't have anything to do with me "being bad" and not eating properly (this is another rabbit hole of self perpetuated beliefs I picked up from my family that affects/ed how I felt about myself, but gradually lessened as I did the above). So, we're not going to fault you for finding the optimum heart rate to know what's working for you on an exercise support thread.
I also think cheerleaders are good because, in the end, it's going to be consistency that gets you where you want to go. There's going to be days when you don't feel like doing it and you need to find that thing that makes what you're doing work for you and do it in a way that you connect with and get some enjoyment from it. I think people celebrating help that.
dolly
_________________________
I am going to the gym today reluctantly because I have had another virus flare up and some chronic fatigue along with it (the two are connected). So, I will take it easy. I have moved into a non-moldy apartment and I think my body is saying, let's get rid of this garbage now, which is sort of wreaking havoc on my body. Hopefully, that's what's going on and I can say goodbye to this stuff in my body.
My mantra is "what can be measured can be managed" and I have an obscene amount of data relating to my health and exercise, gathered since 2016. So I say "Good for you, Lakelynn!".
Dollyvee - you're very wise to be taking it easy. I'm glad you have moved away from the mouldy environment.
Quote from: NarcKiddo on August 06, 2024, 04:32:26 PMhave an obscene amount of data relating to my health and exercise, gathered since 2016. So I say "Good for you, Lakelynn!".
Thank you for this NarcKiddo, I was a little shy about it. I never thought I would care, but surprisingly, I do. And now that my Fitbit Premium free trial is ending, I'm on the fence about rushing to make screenshots of all my sleep data. But I tried this process before and I ended up being disgusted. You're supposed to export in certain file formats, I tried it and it's garbage.
Oh well. The most I can say is, I made it to the treadmill today, worked up a sweat, got my heartrate up and burned some calories. Afterward leg extensions and those suckers BURN. First 40 pounds, then 30, then 20. 10 reps each. I'd better see some increased muscle on my scale soon! :pissed:
Dear Chart, I hope that you'll forgive me, but I felt a twinge from your comment. :'(
Lakelynn, I'm so sorry. I truly meant it as humor. I honestly hesitated to make the joke on your comment not knowing 100% if it would be received in the spirit I intended. I'm very glad you've told me how it made you feel. I've removed it, I apologize again. I hope I didn't cause too much stress.
:'(
Thank you NK - I am over the moon to be out and healing! What a learning curve and goes to show you that sometimes you have to stick to your guns even when no one believes you. I spent years since I moved to the UK sick on and off. When I look back, I can see it corresponded to moving in and out of places where there was mold present (didn't have to be a lot and sometimes where I was the sickest, it didn't show, but am pretty sure it was behind the walls). Docs told me there's nothing wrong and it was all in my head, but I kept gaining weight and I knew something didn't feel right/as before. That's why the old adage of you're not working hard enough, or you're just not eating right, really grates on me. Of course, sometimes it can be true, but other times a lot of people have no idea what's going on with their bodies or what is making them ill. Rant over ;D
I was thinking about my lull with squats yesterday and maybe this is a good place to post it. I'm trying to work on leg strength and working on my biomechanics to fix knee cave. So, I've hit am impasse at 90kg. I guess my goal is 100kg, but I started thinking about why do I have that goal? Just to do something I couldn't do before? What's pushing me and motivating me to do this? All the people ie family who put me down over the years like I couldn't do something? And now I've projected this onto other people and therefore must do it? To show that I'm strong and they can't hurt me? If so, why am I fighting this battle and what does it say about me? When I would swim, it was about connecting to strength through the body and being in a sort of meditative space through movement. This feels different.
Thanks for the sensitivity Chart. I realize the intent was funny and it was, for a moment. I do have doubts, like everybody else.
Let's make up. :hug:
dollyvee,
Your story about the mold hits a chord. Not in the way that you think, but in the patriarchal, MD/Father knows best way. How arrogant, self-centered, as if nothing could possibly be true other than their construct? I feel a huge rant coming on, so will squelch.
More importantly is the point that you knew something was wrong, although you couldn't pin point it. The eternal failing of Western modern medicine. And one that's stolen years of my life.
It's really valuable to think about our goals and motivations. Why this figure and not that? Yes, I think you're right on target with all those stated reasons. What jumps out is the element of "proving" and projection. Is this really for you, or for others' concept of you?
No idea, but I can see myself thinking along those lines.
Yesterday when I was doing the extensions, and my legs refused to cooperate like they did, (JUST the day before) I thought "OH, you SohBs, what the heck it wrong with you today?????" Then I backed off and said, "All right, I'll do less." And only had to suffer through the last 3 in each set.
Honoring the body is fine, respecting is fine and wanting is fine. We can also add the thought, "I'll wait until you're ready." :hug:
Dollyvee, I am familiar with chasing a number. Hats off to you and your squats. I struggle with not feeling safe doing squats, in spite of the safety bars, and I don't quite trust one of my knees. I always felt better doing it with my coach to spot me and when I get a power rack at home he'll be able to do that again. I did manage to get to 75kg on squats, which is my bodyweight, so that felt good. Deadlifts, on the other hand, I love and I remember being so, so happy when I could lift bodyweight, and again when I hit the 100kg. For me the 100kg was all about going into 3 figures which seems like a big deal. I'm back to chasing the 75kg, let alone the 100!
As why you do it? It's interesting to think about our "why", isn't it? The reason I stuck with strength training is because I found out I love how being strong makes me feel. It gives me a confidence boost that covers everything I do, not just gym work. My T is often helping me understand that I am no longer the small, defenceless child. I am an adult and I have agency. Being a fit, strong adult helps me remember that sometimes. And even when I was in hospital and was not a fit, strong adult at all, I had by then learned how to dig into what reserves I did have so I could hold my own when the medics were less than helpful. It has also taught me to know my own current limits. Striving to improve, while respecting where I am, has been valuable in many aspects of my life.
Quote from: Lakelynn on August 07, 2024, 10:48:34 AMThanks for the sensitivity Chart. I realize the intent was funny and it was, for a moment. I do have doubts, like everybody else.
Let's make up. :hug:
Thanks for accepting my apology Lakelynn. I have a problem with always wanting to make jokes. Sometimes I take risks and that's not always a good thing.
Quote from: Lakelynn on August 07, 2024, 11:00:42 AMHonoring the body is fine, respecting is fine and wanting is fine. We can also add the thought, "I'll wait until you're ready." :hug:
This makes me think about my last therapy session. I had a pain in my right leg and my therapist suggested I ask my leg what's the problem. At the time I found this totally bizarre, but after actually going through with it, and literally asking my leg what the problem was, I discovered that my leg wants to travel. I know that might sound odd, but that's what came up. My therapist asked Where do you want to travel? And the answer that came out of my mouth was, India!
Therapy is weird sometimes.
:)
Chart, we don't routinely ask our bodies or parts what's wrong, but I think it can be very revealing. I'm glad you went with it!
Quote from: NarcKiddo on August 07, 2024, 01:25:36 PMStriving to improve, while respecting where I am, has been valuable in many aspects of my life.
NarcKiddo, this thought is so powerful and inspiring. Thanks for laying it all out.
Quote from: Lakelynn on August 07, 2024, 11:00:42 AMYour story about the mold hits a chord. Not in the way that you think, but in the patriarchal, MD/Father knows best way.
This is interesting...what way did you think I thought it struck a chord? Because I would more likely be inclined to go with your stated way of looking at things. Though perhaps not "father," but "we" know best and you don't (which is interesting given my history with scapegoating).
Quote from: Lakelynn on August 07, 2024, 11:00:42 AMAnd one that's stolen years of my life.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. It's really frustrating as I am well aware and how much like it was growing up where I'm standing out/up as the lone voice for what I know to be right, and having to convince/not having people believe me, try to blame me (you're not eating right), or it's just allergies etc etc
Quote from: Lakelynn on August 07, 2024, 11:00:42 AMIt's really valuable to think about our goals and motivations. Why this figure and not that? Yes, I think you're right on target with all those stated reasons. What jumps out is the element of "proving" and projection. Is this really for you, or for others' concept of you?
It is interesting and at the end of the day, the gym is a place where people are working out their issues to some degree. I feel like everyone there has some sort of idea about themselves or motivation for being there. I am quite patient with myself and listen to my body. I guess perhaps it's about honoring the body all the way through and not just until it gets better, so I can do the thing. I think perhaps if I were to slow down, I would find some feelings about having to live up to others (and my own, taking these on) expectations about what I'm doing, and whether I' "good enough." I think for so long too, I didn't push myself at all as there was this "fear" about life that was in my family. Along the lines of you can never make a mistake if you don't try (and then you won't be upsetting someone etc). I hope things go well with your leg extensions.
Quote from: NarcKiddo on August 07, 2024, 01:25:36 PMDollyvee, I am familiar with chasing a number. Hats off to you and your squats.
Thank you NK. I hope you're able to power up to your 100kg again. Chasing the number is a funny thing, and you're right about honoring where we are now. I guess it's getting to the acceptance part of that and starting to realize why you're doing the things you're doing, and not just being on autopilot.
Quote from: NarcKiddo on August 07, 2024, 01:25:36 PMThe reason I stuck with strength training is because I found out I love how being strong makes me feel. It gives me a confidence boost that covers everything I do, not just gym work. My T is often helping me understand that I am no longer the small, defenceless child. I am an adult and I have agency.
I agree with this. It's definitely helped me to see this as well and to see that I am capable of transformation in my life. It's not just "this is the way things are" which I think a lot of us experience growing up and with cptsd. I can enact postive changes in my life and in myself and it's not the doom and gloom outlook I have been told where everything is going to end badly, which I think helps me feel better about myself as well. Now, if I can just disengage from the scapegoating or whatever that subtle competition is that seems to come up at the gym, I'd be winning ;D
dollyvee,
Whether it is unseen mold, psychic disturbances, or other intangibles, I firmly believe that certain people ("sensitive" empathetic, finely attuned, traumatized as a child) can sense and feel energies and microscopic airborne molecules. I lived under an airport flight path for 16 years. Not only noise, but exhaust and jet fuel particles were my daily diet.
I'm glad you didn't buy into your MD's diagnosis. When you know something is wrong, it IS. Keep up the progress and belief in yourself.
Your intuition is NEVER wrong.
Edited 8/18/24 to remove triggering personal narrative.
Yesterday, I walked 2.4 miles, one way, all uphill. I burned serious calories and most importantly, my heart rate hit the peak zone of 134 bpm+ and stayed there.
:cheer:
Walked those same miles and added another 1/4. This time early in the day, and it was pretty pleasant.
Quote from: Lakelynn on August 26, 2024, 10:06:10 PMWalked those same miles and added another 1/4. This time early in the day, and it was pretty pleasant.
Amazing to hear. :cheer:
Regards,
Aphotic.
Thank you Aphotic.
I am getting into the "groove" with this route. Did it again today. Somehow, I've started to like it. It's only really tough for about 15 minutes.
Quote from: Blueberry on June 27, 2024, 11:07:50 AMQuote from: Chart on June 27, 2024, 03:59:40 AMQuote from: Blueberry on June 26, 2024, 11:40:56 PMI have a lot of triggering around taking taking exercise...
Maybe the existence of this thread will help me do a little more and/or a little more often.
Maybe it's difficult to talk about but what is triggering about exercise for you? No pressure to discuss but I'd wager you're not alone.
I've found over the years here that I'm seldom absolutely alone...
However other than "must" and "should" are both triggering, I think more specific exercising triggers could derail the thread and might be better on a separate thread.
I've started a separate thread here: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16263.0
I put it on a Childhood board because that's obviously when my triggers got going.
Today will be the first day I go to a gym. :stars: Now the hard part - actually following through with my plan...
I have my gear and the gym access. I don't really have the motivation, but I think I just have to force myself to do it regardless. If I only exercise when I'm motivated then I'm only going to exercise like.. twice a month. :doh:
Regards,
Aphotic.
Good for you Aphotic. Particularly on understanding just how fickle motivation can be. That is the case even if you love exercising. Making it a habit rather than relying on motivation is a sensible approach, I find.
I hope the first session went well.
As for me, I'm still plugging away. Had a lower body weights session today. I used to deadlift well over 100kg. Now I can barely do 50kg. I'm mostly at ease with that and will just keep at it. There's no point in doing anything other than accepting my current baseline and working from there. It's frustrating in that I know the absolute strength is still there to some extent. The first 50kg lift is easy. But the second is not, and it all goes downhill fast. The lungs have a long way to go. My coach says I have made better progress than he expected. It's a delicate balancing act between doing enough strength work to retain as much muscle power as possible while working on improving endurance so I can then build the strength again.
This week I started taking a walk every morning in preparation for the coming low light season. In the low light season, taking a walk every morning makes a difference to my mood especially as winter goes on. I am starting now so as to establish the habit in advance. I really didn't want to take my walk this morning, but I did anyway.
I have always wanted or expected that I could learn to enjoy physical exercise. But I don't enjoy it, and with years of trying behind me, I suppose I'm ready to accept that I never will, and that I can and must do it anyway. Just because it doesn't feel good doesn't mean it isn't doing me good. I can do things that are difficult and painful. I mean, I've kept myself alive all this time, haven't I?
Bach, I identify with you bigtime. For me exercise has always equated to "pain" and I've got enough pain on a daily basis already. Going and subjecting myself to more seems absurd. And I've never been able to stick to it. (Same for meditation.) But the month of intensive therapy I did in August got me settled into the four exercises my therapist and I agreed to put in place. It helped having her support and I've been able to pretty much stick to it, although now back taking care of my daughter I'm slipping a bit (especially the evening exercises). For me the key is that extra support. If you want to use this thread to get encouragement please do! Or start your own, but I for one would love to know how your getting on and share in your efforts to heal. I believe it can really help.
So congratulations on the initiative to get a pattern in place in advance of the coming season. That shows your true measure of strength!
Sending tons of support!!!
:grouphug:
Quote from: Bach on September 14, 2024, 09:59:16 PMI really didn't want to take my walk this morning, but I did anyway.
Yeah!!! Starting is hard. I admire you being proactive with the time change.
Quote from: Bach on September 14, 2024, 09:59:16 PMThis week I started taking a walk every morning in preparation for the coming low light season. In the low light season, taking a walk every morning makes a difference to my mood especially as winter goes on. I am starting now so as to establish the habit in advance. I really didn't want to take my walk this morning, but I did anyway.
:cheer: :cheer: :cheer: for almost every sentence in that para ;)
Quote from: Bach on September 14, 2024, 09:59:16 PMI have always wanted or expected that I could learn to enjoy physical exercise. But I don't enjoy it, and with years of trying behind me, I suppose I'm ready to accept that I never will, and that I can and must do it anyway. Just because it doesn't feel good doesn't mean it isn't doing me good. I can do things that are difficult and painful. I mean, I've kept myself alive all this time, haven't I?
I like your way of looking at this. Maybe it can inspire me a bit.
OK, we're on page 6 so I'll lock this and start another thread (Part 2).