I recently found something that has helped a bit when I have an EF, and I wanted to share it here in case it might help anyone else.
I think I've often found when I have an EF and parts of my mind that feel I'm in danger take over, that when I try reassuring them that I'm safe, they seem to feel that's not enough. From childhood experience, safety has been a temporary thing that could change at any moment to extreme danger, so for traumatised parts of me, being safe now is no guarantee that they'll be safe in a moment's time.
A few weeks ago, I bought anti-virus software and set it up on my phone. By chance, it flashes up a message: "You are protected" whenever I activate my phone. The frightened young parts of my mind seem to find this a stronger, more proactive message to hear than when I tell them "You're safe". I think it can help remind them that I am an adult now and I have boundaries and am able to look after them in a way they weren't looked after when I was little.
I happen to look at my phone a lot of times through the day, so repeatedly seeing the message flash up seems to reinforce it.
Thanks Sanctuary, I'll try changing the message I repeat to myself and see what happens.
As an aside, your anti-virus makes me think of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, with the letters in bold print on the cover, "Don't Panic!" :)
Whatever works, and no matter, I'll try anything if it could * rid me of this amygdala dysfunction.
'You are protected' sounds much better to me too. Immediately I see protective walls going up in my mind's eye. They are not there when I say "you are safe". There's nothing, no resonance to the latter.
Thanks for sharing, Sanctuary. Personally I prefer "you're safe" over "you're protected" but I'm glad the changing of frame helps for you! Interesting how we are all so unique in these things. :) But I can definitely try reshaping some other words or phrases I'm not entirely comfortable with. Positive affirmations of course can be so complicated with matters like CPTSD, but I appreciate the reminder that we don't have to entirely forego said affirmations, just need to find what language works for us.
Regards,
Aphotic.
Wow thanks for sharing that. I also find "you are protected" much more calming and reassuring than "you are safe" which just kind of feels...gaslighty.
Protected implies outside agency. Like it's something external that's doing the protecting. But since I can easily imagine my adult-self protecting my child-self this works.
When I read this, "You are protected" I added "by adult me". I like that and in the same vein "You are safe, I am looking out for you" said in adult voice. I would also add another one for when you're in an EF - "I am here for you, what do you need?" or "I hear you, what do you need?"
Thanks for the replies. I feel the same, that I need to be clear with my frightened young parts that they are protected by adult me, who is always here for them.
:thumbup: :hug: