I've been searching for help for years though I never knew, exactly, what help I was needing; until recently. Like many of you, the crying, utter lack of emotional regulation, self isolation all came to a head. I knew bad things had happened but I was taught to smile, eat it, and keep moving forward. My earliest memories are from when I was 4; crying but no one coming to console me, our home burned down, I was hit by a moving van ( sprained from tip to tail but not broken), I can feel the fear I felt when my father kicked our dog down the basement steps, being thrown into a dark room - too scared to get up to find a light switch. Next came my even more abusive stepfather, a violent alcoholic, and the years of seeing and hearing my mother be beaten and abused. My stepbrother sexually assaulted me for years, a school mate at 16 yrs, and a friend's friend at 21 yrs. I was beaten by a roommate until I blacked out; the Doctor said 'You probably just had a seizure'. Oh my glob; there's more but I don't want to keep going. I remember times of being a feisty spitfire with no worry of what I was wearing, if I was being too talkative, too friendly, too...whatever. I want that girl back; that fearlessness I had 49 years ago.
Hi Tenacious T,
Welcome :heythere:
I'm glad you found your way here.
Hope
Hi Tenacious and a warm welcome to OOTS :heythere: I too hope it may help to get your tenacity back by being here. You went through so much that deserves your anger and a chance to work through it and out the other side towards a healthier, happier life. :grouphug:
Thank you. 🤗
After reading some other's stories, I already feel a new glimmer of normalcy, that others have the same feelings, same experiences in their jobs / lives and the desire to just be heard, validated, and given a safe space to speak our thoughts. Thank
you, Kizzie, for this safe space.
You are most welcome, it helps to stick together and help one another along :hug:
Hello Tenacious T - That name certainly seems appropriate and tenacity in my book is a major major virtue. Welcome to :hug: OOTS.
Hello Tenacious T, Welcome to the Forum.
❤️