Out of the Storm

This thread is a continuation of the thread "Favourite Quotes Part 1"

I have been reading today trying to find anything I can about overcoming developmental trauma.  I found articles by Briere, Courtois, Linehan, and van der Kolk as well as reading many chapters of the books I have by the same.  They provide a lot of data, research, and technicals about the brain, how it works, but I am yet to find out how to truly overcome it other than therapy that is done with kid gloves.  My T is helping and is doing this but it is a long, slow process.  So patience is getting the better of me, I want to so badly just forget it all but I know that will not be the fix that makes me happy long term.  Love Ellen and I was looking for some funny and uplifting sayings from her to make me laugh and ran across this, going to make this my mantra:

QuoteFind out who you are and be that person. That's what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come.

Ellen DeGeneres

MaryAnn :hug:

MaryAnn,

I expect you've encountered Pete Walker's book, Complex PTSD:  From Surviving to Thriving.  It's discussed so often on this site that missing it would be hard.  He's a clinician and not a researcher, unlike the other authors you've listed.  I found his only a few months ago, and I'm still amazed at the clarity and congruence with my experience.

Like you, I've been reading anything that looks potentially useful.  I'm about order van der Kolk's recently published book, which I hope will explain still more about mind/body connections and (maybe?) strategies for confronting CPTSD. 

Yes, it's a slow process.  One obstacle for me was recognizing that is really is chronic condition that can be addressed but never really cured.  I had not expected to be working on it now, but here I am.

I'll be interested to hear your thoughts about paths forward, along with what you're reading.

Thank you stillhere.  I have read Pete Walker's books.  Both books were helpful with some topics, especially the validation of what we have been through and how it effects us. 

Quote....and I'm still amazed at the clarity and congruence with my experience.

I agree completely.

I also agree with your other observation but I am struggling to accept it as true.

QuoteOne obstacle for me was recognizing that is really is chronic condition that can be addressed but never really cured.

I have an issue with this part of Pete Walkers book.  I want a cure. I do not want to accept that it is a chronic condition that I will have to deal with the rest of my life.  When I read this I felt that there was no hope, that I will work to make strides to feel better, feel whole, only to relapse.  I might not relapse all the way back or maybe I will, and have to start over again to find happiness. 

I recently read Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.  It is a tough one to read.  It deals with how he survived in the concentration camps of the Holocaust.  But, it definitely gave new meaning for me to the meaning of hope and being grateful.  I am currently reading Treatment of Complex Trauma by Christine Courtois and Julian Ford.  It is definitely written more for the therapist not for the client so far but the concepts or treatment have been helpful.

Let me know about van der Kolk's book and if it is helpful. Sometimes he seems kind of cold, not as compassionate as some of the others like John Briere or Jonice Webb.  I will do the same with any new books I read and my experiences in the path to move forward.

Lol, MaryAnn  :hug:

I wish I could show you
When you are lonely or in darkness
The Astonishing Light
Of your own Being.

Hafiz (14th century poet)...from the preface to "The Deepest Acceptance", by Jeff Foster

"There is no freedom like seeing myself as I am and not losing heart."

--Elizabeth J. Canham

"A strange game. The only winning move is not to play."

The WOPR computer a.k.a. Joshua from the movie "War Games" (1983)

oh, i love that.  i wish i hadn't played.

Me too!

I'm learning though  ;) .

"When the choice is to be right or to be kind, always make the choice that brings peace." – Wayne Dyer

We can live without religion or meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection.

                                                --Dalai Lama

...perhaps even if it's just the dream of human affection...

The Dalai Lama is a wise man.
He even hinted that it might be a good idea if he would not reincarnate. True story!
http://www.reuters.com/article/2015/04/16/us-china-tibet-idUSKBN0N70B720150416

I feel very affectionate towards you, woodsgnome. It's not a dream!  :hug:

Aww I love that quote woodsgnome. I feel affection for you too. And you too Dutch. Group Hug  :bighug:

me too Woodsgnome,  :yes: :yes: :hug: :hug:

"The test of one's decency is how much of a fight one can put up after one has stopped caring, and after one has found out that one can never please the people they wanted to please."

                                               ---Willa Cather

oh my word!  if this lady is to be believed, would four decades or so do it, d'u think?  :blowup:

Here's one I made up myself, a few years ago. I'm doing my best to make this a life's motto for me:

"As long as you know it's what you think, you're not thinking that you know."

"The trouble with doing nothing is that you never know when you're done."

(From a cartoon)

Quote"Liberty is not the power of doing what we like, but the right of being able to do what we ought."
Sir John Dalberg-Acton

Live as if you were living already for the second time

                                  --Viktor Frankl

Our lived lives might become a protracted mourning for, or an endless tantrum about, the lives we were unable to live. But the exemptions we suffer, whether forced or chosen, make us who we are.     
                   ---Adam Phillips

"Bad laws are the worst sort of Tyranny"

Edmund Burke (Dublin, 12 januari 1729 – Beaconsfield, 9 juli 1797)

"...Still I'll rise...."

-Maya Angelou


"I'm taking the long way
Taking the long way around"

-Dixie Chicks


OK, I might have cheated a bit. I really like that whole poem and that whole song, but they are too long to quote in their entirety here.

"I wish I didn't know now, what I didn't know then"
   -Bob Segar Against The Wind

that song is so close to my heart since Ive gotten older especially that line.

,,You can't 'bull'*) a Dutchman!"

Mitch Fenner, (a Welshman) in a recent interview as the current head-coach of the male-gymnastics team in the Netherlands
(since I was part of that team as a teen (loooooong way back in time  ;) ) , it does carry a special message for me. Still, I have been 'bull'*ed , so it's not as true as I would like it to be.  ;D )

edit: the factual quote got auto-censored. So I'll have to make do with this abbreviation. In fact I'm pleased I had to do this. I'd rather own up to my bull-ness than anything else.

"If you travel far enough, one day you will recognize yourself coming down the road to meet yourself. And you will say—YES!"
--Marion Woodman

YES

Lovely quote. Thanks.  :thumbup:

Pay no attention to appearing;
Being is alone important.

...Andre Gide

"You are not what has happened to you, you are what you choose to become."

Can't remember who said that but I love it.

"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."

Randy Pausch

I've posted this before, yet I'll do it again for Stacey:

"Deeds need time, even after they are done, in order to be seen or heard."
Nietzsche, from "The gay (happy) science"

Welcome, once more.  :thumbup:

I like Nietzsche, have studied some of his work

You are a lovely man, Dutch Uncle (I keep thinking Dutch oven whe  I see your name so hopefully that stops soon :)

I always thought Nietsche was this stodgy old nihilist until i kept coming across these wonderful quotes of his and realised that box he's in is way too much of a caricature.

.

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Very nice and i so completely agree

"The mind is like a parachute: It doesn't work unless it's open."

Frank Zappa (as attributed to him by his son Dweezil.)

Nice☺

When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about.

Haruki Murakami

NB: Is this where the name of this site originates from?

Hi Dutch - it's not but the quote is quite relevant.   :thumbup: 

A scary one. Yet hopeful: It keeps me on my feet during my worst times.

Never be afraid to fall apart because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along.
Rae Smith

When it looks as if life is falling apart, it may just be falling together.

OCC

"Do your little bit of good where you are; its those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world" - Desmond Tutu

So often the whole goal is overwhelming and we do nothing or burn ourselves out. -By trying to change too much too soon.

And we forget the power of others.

"No." is a complete sentence.

Awesome :rofl:

http://www.cloudtownsend.com/no-is-a-complete-sentence-how-to-use-stick-to-it-by-dr-henry-cloud/

This made me laugh. It's funny 'cause it's true.

"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one * of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult."

E. B. White

"The greatest lie of all is the feeling of firmness beneath our feet. We are at our most honest when we are lost."...Soren Kierkegaard.

 :thumbup:

Anytime you're gonna grow, you're gonna lose something. You're losing what you're hanging onto to keep safe. You're losing habits that you're comfortable with, you're losing familiarity.

James Hillman

Quotes like these touch a specific nerve with me nowadays.
I am becoming acquainted with the idea that loss is an integral part of life. Well, of my life at least, but I think it goes further than that. This is such a taboo. I think that (western) society (and probably quite a few more) are so drenched in the idea that it's growth, Growth, GROWTH we're after, that the whole idea of loosing something has left the collective awareness. It is shunned upon.
"Oh, get over it already!" is  about as much recognition you can expect to get. If you're 'lucky'...

Familiarity has also gotten quite a specific new meaning to me. My FOO. A big part of my journey to healing is accepting that loosing Family-arity might well be the loss I'm not compelled to grief for/over much longer. It was a pretty lousy Family after all. Hey, it still IS a pretty lousy Family. If only it just 'was' one...
I may grief for as long I need to.
But then let it go, lose it. It could be OK to do that.
An alien concept to me.

I hope I'm not too gloomy here. I try to see the cheerful side of it. As does the quote, IMHO.
:hug:

Hi Woodsgnome,

This is an excellent quote and one that helped me come to terms with the changes in my life as I work to recover, find happiness.

Quote"The greatest lie of all is the feeling of firmness beneath our feet. We are at our most honest when we are lost."...Soren Kierkegaard.

This quote is all too true.  I have been living for everyone else but not for myself.  I have lived the lie, it shattered, and now realize I was lost all along.  But with that comes honesty as you search to find out who you really and find your true purpose in life, no matter how big or small that might be. 

Maybe losing my job is the wake up call I needed all along to force me to move, to survive, to deal with the changes that I have been procrastinating in making out of my own fears.

Thank you!
Mary Ann  :wave:

The two most powerful words when we're in a place of struggle are "me too".

Brene Brown

Dutch-

Excellent quote, and so easy to forget that others everywhere are hurting at the moment we are hurting. Brene Brown is a terrific and inspiring person, IMHO.  YouTube videos are well worth watching.

QuoteOne must learn to love.— This is what happens to us in music: first one has to learn to hear a figure and melody at all, to detect and distinguish it, to isolate it and delimit it as a separate life; then it requires some exertion and good will to tolerate it in spite of its strangeness, to be patient with its appearance and expression, and kindhearted about its oddity:—finally there comes a moment when we are used to it, when we wait for it, when we sense that we should miss it if it were missing: and now it continues to compel and enchant us relentlessly until we have become its humble and enraptured lovers who desire nothing better from the world than it and only it.— But that is what happens to us not only in music: that is how we have learned to love all things that we now love. In the end we are always rewarded for our good will, our patience, fairmindedness, and gentleness with what is strange; gradually, it sheds its veil and turns out to be a new and indescribable beauty:—that is its thanks for our hospitality. Even those who love themselves will have learned it in this way: for there is no other way. Love, too, has to be learned.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Lol, MaryAnn  :hug: :hug:

Nice one!  :applause:

In honor of Johan Cruyff, Dutch Football (Soccer) Genius and Wizard, who died today, and was famous as well for his unfathomable wisdom in many quotes:

Quote"Voetbal is simpel, maar simpel voetballen blijkt vaak het moeilijkste wat er is."

"Football is [a] simple [game], but [to play] simple football often proves to be the most difficult thing there is."

Quote"Ik ben overal tegen. Tot ik een besluit neem, dan ben ik ervoor. Lijkt me logisch."

"I have reservations to anything. Up to the point where I make a decision. Then I'm all for it. Seems logical to me."


Probably the one that is most relevant to us here:

Quote"Je gaat het pas zien als je het doorhebt."

"You will only see it when you get it."


And the one to honor the man himself:

Quote"In zekere zin ben ik waarschijnlijk onsterfelijk."

"In a way, I'm probably immortal."

RIP, Johan Cruyff.  :'(

Owning our story can be hard, but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.

Brene Brown

I still have a book of her sitting on my shelf. I'll get around to it someday. I have a feeling she knows 'stuff'.  :thumbup:

Another "Storm" quote:

"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her away, she adjusted her sails."

Elizabeth Edwards

"When you use the word should, you are arguing with reality."
  ---Tara Brach

So many of my conundrums float around what I call 'shoulding' (I should be better...I should do this...etc); which often warps into self-talk: "It shouldn't have happened"; accompanied by "if only" and more on a spiral of grief and remorse.

Which is alright, really--it's okay to not be or feel okay :bigwink:. We seem to use 'should' as a defense against the unthinkable, after all. It's especially hard to grasp what happened in cptsd and harder still to try to overcome it. We naturally try to defeat its effects and can exhaust ourselves, or relax and accept the refreshing trip into a new dawn.

Recovery is so tricky, like a fragile climb on slippery rocks. Perhaps taking all the 'shoulding' out of the mix can at least help us unload some of the shame and guilt we've dragged along on the journey.  :sunny:

Than, you Woodsgnome.  I love Tara Brach and I love the idea of taking our shoulding down a notch.  My head goes there too often!

Speak your truth even if your voice shakes.

Robin Sharma

"Without hope and love what remains for me in this life. The sorrow which has fallen on my heart will find tranquility only in the sleep of the tomb. Flower of love. Oh my hope. Ah, life from now on will be full of sorrow. Think no more of those years that blossomed with love and hope. Oh beautiful blessed dream of peace an contentment. - Bellini: I Puritani

When inward tenderness
Finds the secret hurt,
Pain itself will crack the rock
And, Ah! Let the soul emerge.

- Rumi

We travel not to escape life but for life not to escape us.

Oh I like that one a lot Dutch  :applause:

All I know is love and I find my heart infinite and everywhere - Hafiz :bighug:

"You know the best thing about aeroplanes? Apart from the peanuts in the little silver bags, I mean.

It's looking out of the windows at the clouds, and thinking, maybe I could go walking in there. Maybe it's a special place where everything's okay.

Sometimes I do go walking in the clouds, but it's just cold and wet and empty. But when you look out of a plane it's a special world... and I like that."
― Neil Gaiman (Sandman) 

Had to go looking for this quote, but I've always related to that imagery, to imagining that there's a special world up in the clouds, that they're as soft and fluffy as they look.

That's how I used to feel about clouds.  :yeahthat:

Someone telling about what she experienced when her lightbulb-moment hit her when she learned about covert abuse (neglect, narcissism, manipulation et al/the works)



source: Healing Our Addiction to the Narcissist: An Interview with Shahida Arabi on Mental Health News Radio (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkPP9z7LtA4) @ 44:20

"Watch your thoughts, they become words;
watch your words, they become actions;
watch your actions, they become habits;
watch your habits, they become character;
watch your character, for it becomes your destiny."

Nice one, Three Roses.  :thumbup:

Locking this as we are at page 5 - see Part 3.