Hi
I suffer fairly bad concentration and memory problems and I've been putting them down to anti dep..
Now I am coming off it and I wonder if the problems I have are more cptsd related -
I am recognising that fear puts my mind in another place where I can't be present - it's really frustrating me -
I am trying to learn to drive and my work is affected too
Memory is crap esp short term - it seems everyone around me is functioning normally ( that may be true and it may not
I have to write everything down
Do u have experience of this ?
What do u attribute it to ?
Any solutions ?
Best wishes 🌸🌿
Hi Boatsetsailrose
It could be dissociation. You can forget too when you are stressed. Forget where you put things, what just happened, what they just said...etc.
Don't know if meds ruin a persons ability to have good short term memory at all.
Do you have long term memory gaps u dont remember?
No long term ok
I feel it's more the cptsd regarding it being a psychological disorder and an anxiety disorder
I'm just noticing how my mind focuses on worry and not the task in hand - also the social anxiety over loading -
Stress part of cptsd doesn't seem to be discussed that much ( or maybe I've been missing it -
May be dis association sometimes yes thank u for pointing out - I'm just learning what that looks like in me
So much to learn - I feel overwhelmed with life at the moment -
Work - driving lessons - recovery - eating disorder management -
Gee need to breathe -
Still have such a perfectionist drive wanting to play in me - glad I can recognise that today - balance with fun
Fireworks tonight :)
I also have memory and concentration problems. Which is why I drink coffee, but not too much because it can increase anxiety. I was prescribed a low dose of Adderol for my extreme ADD symptoms. It has been very helpful for the brain fog and depression etc. Only drawback is if I take too much it can make anxiety worse. I stick to my dosage, make sure I time it well , drink lots of water, exercise every day and eat well. For me I have to stick to a consistent wellness plan.
Additionally, it's a debate within myself if I have CPTSD only or CPTSD and ADHD. ADHD seems to show up with the brain fog, occasional racing thoughts, some impulsivity. I interrupt people because I can figure out what they're going to say before they say it. I am impatient sometimes and restless as evidenced by pen clicking and toe tapping. I like to stand and pace when I talk which makes interactions challenging. I so badly want to blurt out why I have to move and fidget. But fear repercussions. :stars:
Hi serious ann 333
Thanks for sharing ah add never thought of that I'll google it
Re cptsd and adhd they present differently though don't they ? Or are u finding similarities ?
I was about to post on this. I have trouble concentrating and reading and I have a bad memory. It could be my terrible diet. It could be my preoccupation with all my anxieties. It takes an enormous amount of emotional energy to avoid all the things we avoid. Trying not to think about painful things is a full time job for the brain.
I have attention problems and calling it add to me sounds weird. I mean it would be pretty strange if I could pay attention. If you had a brain tumor would you wonder why you get headaches.
Cptsd for me is like a whole mess of cancer all over that can cause pretty much anything.
I remember having ocd symptoms as a child and I remember having trouble concentrating because of problems at home. I don't remember ever not having this problems so I don't think I can attribute it to meds or diet .
I'm super depressed right now and I had too much to eat and that makes it worse. I'm looking at what I'm writing and it's disjointed and weird to me. I'm here now because I don't think I can stay on task with anything right now but this is hard too.
Boatsetsailrose.
Great question. I have been diagnosed with both PTSD and ADHD. PTSD was diagnosed first, later in life (I was frozen and numb to my childhood until my 30's). I was also assessed for ADHD and met the criteria. I likely fit in the inattentive type. I'm reporting on what I know about myself. I honestly feel like I have both but they show up depending on my mood and life circumstances.
CPTSD shows up when I'm triggered, my symptoms include: paranoia, mild, magical yet manageable psychosis, insomnia, persecutory thoughts and anger. Once this stage is managed it evolves into detachment, feeling guarded and depressed. Then my mood can shift to more ADHD symptoms especially when I'm rested: impulsivity, abstract and silly humor, quick wit, extreme creative thoughts and drive, impatience, passionate drive, tendancy to interrupt, becoming overwhelmed with visual and auditory stimuli (in a good way, being fascinated alternating with being bored and not intellectually challenged, alternating with brain fog, memory and concentration problems, struggle to form coherent sentences when tired and irritability.
People may disagree but I feel I have both.
Not everyone is the same. Some may have PTSD only and have memory and concentration problems.
My symptoms are similar and it's very confusing to me. I'm also confused by the effects of Ritalin which are not very clear cut and predictable but overall it helps.
Indeed - diagnosis can be so helpful -
And disorders do over lap -
I mean a bunch of symptoms gets called a name by someone and then gives us a frame work
Horray for diagnosis and identification
Not that I have any diagnosis but finding cptsd and being able to fit my symptoms into a framework had been such a revelation for me -
Re the concentration and memory probs -
I'm nearly
Off the anti dep and am less sedated -
And I'm getting to be able to
Concentrate a bit better
I def think anxious brain is a real prob although I can see am getting a bit more control these days over my mind and that is great :) 🌝🌿
weird coincidence-i was at starbucks getting a skinny vanilla venti latte and i said to the lady, "i'm surprised i could even remember all those words" and we starting talking about remembering words etc. She said her son was in high school and he wasn't doing his chores while she was at work and she thought he was being lazy. turned out he had short term memory loss as a result of ptsd from the loss of his dad years earlier. i said i think i have that too. it was just after i read this thread.
today i got a new script of ritalin and i was trying to figure out if it helped or not. i keep doing this thing where i can't remember or don't know what exercise to do next, and i think of one and my brain says maybe that's a bad idea, but i do it anyway. it's as if my brain can't work fast enough to make the right decision. or my brain is so self conscious it's distracted. is it possible to be too focused? so much focus / ritalin that instead of just flowing through tasks you hyperfocus on everything you do to the point of being disabled? all you do is think about what you're doing? dunno. confused.
Are you sure your long term memory is ok Boatsetsailrose?
I mean, i have good long term memory- or so i thought-
a lot of stuff that happened only a few years ago i dont remember.
Some stuff i do really well from the past- painful stuff and normal things even, i just dont remember.
When we are stressed we are forgetful, when having flashbacks we are disassociated from the present.
Have you read about the Freeze Type- Pete Walker?
I know recovery can look like so much, it freaks me out too, but i hope everything went well with the other stuff, and that you had a good bombfire night.
Hi yes my long term memory is excellent -
I think I put too much pressure on myself ( no surprise there )
I work as a nurse it is information overload and I beat myself for not remembering everything ( perfectionism ) and I compare myself to others ( sometimes 20yrs younger than me -
I'm good enough that's what I am best to remember and I do a good enough job (the
Such a shame Boatsetsailrose that you beat yourself up like that and feel u have to be perfect all the time.
Do you think its possible to remember what happened with trauma? it is, isn't it! either remembering too much and painfully or not much at all.
I don't appear to have any block on remembering trauma -
HavE had yrs of intense therapy
I know why the self hatred / non acceptance happens - it doesn't change it by knowing why ....
Self compassion is my best tool
PS
I don't mean to cause offence but ....
I really dislike being asked questions on here - for me it feels like it goes into a therapy type relating -
I really get a lot from people sharing their experience and I can share mine without anyone making it structured
Not to say I've not been guilty of asking others questions too - it reminds me to stop doing it as well -
Peer to peer sharing feels the best and equal
:)
In my case if I'm not asked questions I get triggered and I think it has to do with being neglected and never being asked anything. Maybe it makes sense to not ask questions unless the person says please ask me questions. For me yes it does start to feel like therapy and that's why I like it but I also can see how in a different mindset I might not like it. Probably depends on how a person uses the site. Now that I'm thinking about this maybe using it for therapy/analysis isn't a good idea. I have been feeling like I don't use the forum for hearing others' stories as much. I have trouble focusing on reading them but also I'm self absorbed right now. I don't feel like I'm in a group so much as searching for someone to give me answers and maybe that's not healthy.
Quote from: Boatsetsailrose on November 24, 2015, 08:40:53 AM
PS
I don't mean to cause offence but ....
I really dislike being asked questions on here
No offense taken. I will do my best to remember that.
Personally, I like to be asked questions. I think it helps me to take a look 'outside the box'.
Quote from: tired on November 24, 2015, 09:10:29 AM
In my case if I'm not asked questions I get triggered and I think it has to do with being neglected and never being asked anything.
Right. I can relate.
QuoteI don't feel like I'm in a group so much as searching for someone to give me answers and maybe that's not healthy.
Question ;) : If you appreciate questions, how can you be 'here' for getting the answers from somebody else? (disclaimer: I might not read what you wrote correctly. It's probably since English is not my native tongue.)
Usually my main 'motive' for asking questions is because I think for a lot 'we' are struggling with, the answers lies in ourselves.
Than I also ask questions out of curiosity.
If I think my questions might be triggering, I tend to remark first that no answer is required.
If I'm practically sure my questions will be too triggering, I keep the questions to myself.
I've only recently discovered that conversations are much more valuable (for me) if I ask questions to others, instead of merely putting out 'my point of view'. In my FOO nobody asked questions, it was always one opinion after the other. There was no interest in each other.
"to be interested in (someone)" has been 'explained' to me recently by a philosopher. He noted that it's derived from the Latin(?) word 'interesse', which literally means (inter=)between and (esse=) to be/being (essence), making it: "that what is in between (two) people."
He also argued that questioning is a great way to explore what is "in between". (Interrogation is something else though ;D )
Asking questions is for me also a good way to ask about peoples experiences, and get some understanding from beyond the opinions and principles.
Because I feel like when someone asks me a question and I answer it (to myself, or out loud, doesn't matter) I figure out things. The answers are in my head, but they don't come out until someone asks me the right question. And that seems like what therapy was like; the therapist asking "how do you feel about that".
Quote from: tired on November 24, 2015, 10:29:46 AM
Because I feel like when someone asks me a question and I answer it (to myself, or out loud, doesn't matter) I figure out things. The answers are in my head, but they don't come out until someone asks me the right question. And that seems like what therapy was like; the therapist asking "how do you feel about that".
Thanks.
I feel much the same. I don't have experience with being in therapy though. (Not taking into account my horrible TherapistMom, that is. But than again, she didn't ask me questions, but told how "it is". *shudders*)
questions and answers:
becos my head is often screwed, woolly, afraid, confused, i guess, yes, i appreciate questions from the point of view that it does help me to find my internal answers or maybe identify what it is i am feeling. stuff like that. i find prescriptive questions/answers make me feel insecure and pressured, words like should and ought and must and things like 'don't you think that it would be better if...' which makes me feel they are saying i should think what they think or else i am wrong somehow. haven't particularly experienced that here.
QuoteI don't feel like I'm in a group so much as searching for someone to give me answers and maybe that's not healthy.
funny i have been thinking about this today (even put in my journal today). i guess i have got now to the point where i recognise that i can't actually get the 'answers' from someone else. it's like the knight in shining armour thing for me, i always wanted someone to rescue me from all the pain and fear and confusion and make me feel safe at last. all that did for me was landed me up in a cult - where i was safe as long as i toed their line. when i didn't, well, i was persona non grata. then i wanted my husband to rescue me and meet my needs... that ended up with me meeting his to try and heal him enough to meet mine.... again, that ended very badly for me. so for me it definitely wasn't healthy as it turned me into everyone's willing victim.
so i have concluded there is a paradox - the need for mutual support and comfort, sharing of learned wisdoms, etc is valid. but so is that understanding that ultimately we are the only people who can heal ourselves. how to do that and where to draw lines and boundaries is, for me at least, a conundrum - but also maybe a journey?
hope this hasn't taken this thread too far off course?
I'm genuinely glad u all like being asked questions :)
But Im afraid I don't :)
and we are going off the original theme - ....
If u like to share about any concentration and memory problems I am very happy to hear :)
I hate being probed that's why I added it into my post -
I see it as co dependence trait ( control and moving away from our own process
Of course questions are asked as genuine interest but underlying it always seems to point to a self absorbed reason
ha, had to laugh, i just wrote a post here and lost concentration for a minute... and managed to delete it!
what i was trying to say... :stars: was basically that i think i use up so much energy in flashbacks/anxiety/hyperarousal/mad thoughts or whatever it is, that when i try and settle to anything, reading, watching tv, even chores, i haven't much left. so my concentration span is radically reduced from what it was. and when i can't cope with being hyper, i shut down and numb out, and then i can't keep my mind to anything.
sometimes i think i have gone bonkers. it's weird too, that altho my concentration is screwed, i get very bored at the same time. i have always been very active intellectually i guess, and now i feel like a blob.
memory? well, let me just mention that i went to the gym today, and had to stop for petrol on the way... got the petrol just fine, even managed to pump the tyres and remember to put the nipple caps back on (often forget that)... and then drove right past the gym... had to detour right round the one-way system to get back to it. i was spitting nails!
Quote from: Boatsetsailrose on November 16, 2015, 04:20:21 PM
Hi yes my long term memory is excellent - I think I put too much pressure on myself ( no surprise there ) I work as a nurse it is information overload and I beat myself for not remembering everything ( perfectionism ) and I compare myself to others ( sometimes 20yrs younger than me -
I'm good enough that's what I am best to remember and I do a good enough job (the
CPTSD does breed perfectionism Boats, my hand is waving in the air lol. The other part though is we do have CPTSD and that can definitely affect memory. I teach a course about adult learning and as it happens we're just exploring a bit about the brain, memory and the effects of stress, arousal and emotions on memory.
As a nurse you'll know that we a triune brain consisting of the limbic system (emotion)and reticular activating (instinctual) systems (both primitive), and the neocortex (rational, thinking brain). It is the limbic system particularly that enhances or suppresses short term memory based on whether an experience is positive or negative. If what we experience is negative, if we perceive a threat in our environment, our brain will down shift from the neocortex and rational thought into the more primitive limbic system which focuses on self-preservation rather than meaning making and this degrades or even interrupts short term memory.
Anyway all this is to say don't beat yourself up, you are probably are too hard on yourself and you do work in a busy, stressful profession. Over the years I became a consummate list writer to compensate for my STM, and lately in recovery I've learned to de-stress when and where I can so I am not triggering or getting overwhelmed as much as I used to.
Hope some of this is helpful :hug:
Quote from: seriousann333 on November 12, 2015, 02:00:04 AM
my symptoms include: paranoia, mild, magical yet manageable psychosis
I am curious about what this is like for you, if you'd like to tell?
I've sometimes wondered if I've had a mild psychosis now and then, last time I felt that I could communicate with spirits :blink:
Is it really psychosis if you're aware of it? I mean if you call it paranoia and psychosis then you are aware it's a delusion so it's not really a delusion is it?
Quote from: tired on December 02, 2015, 09:32:51 PM
Is it really psychosis if you're aware of it? I mean if you call it paranoia and psychosis then you are aware it's a delusion so it's not really a delusion is it?
:stars:
Well.. Maybe there just isn't a diagnosis for this sort of thing yet :bigwink:like with CPTSD!
Bimsy
I rarely have these symptoms but when it's usually after being triggered by something such as grief.
I've experienced visual hallucinations of people who have died soon after death and people I've never met. I've seen bright geometric moving shapes and bright lights with no light source. I've had one experience of auditory hallucinations during a flashback, I heard crying and laughing.
I say they're manageable because I don't get lost in them. I can still function yet ponder the meaning behind them. The experiences make me ponder my spirituality. I have embraced these experiences yet cannot talk about them with many people because of their negative and judgemental reactions.
I do get lost when paranoid however. Occasionally I have episodes of feeling persecuted. With copious amounts of therapy I can dig my way out of negativity.
I hope this is helpful to you. I'm curious about your experiences.
Seriousann333
Thank you so much seriousann333 for telling me! :)
I think that what you're experiencing would "just" be called hallucinations if we were to ask a psychologist about it, not very common I think but I think I've read somewhere that it could be a symptom of grief so I wouldn't call it a psychosis.
Though I can understand how you might ask yourself questions about the spiritual world, I've done it too.
For me the "spiritual contact" came to me in the form of feelings and fantasies, I thought I had contact with a friends grandfather and started telling my friend about it.
My friend really believed me because apparently I said some stuff that was actually true but there was also a lot of stuff that didn't make sense so I am thinking that we probably really wanted it all to be true even though it might just have been coincidences.
I used to believe in spiritual New Age stuff (just like my N mother) but now I am more sceptical, though I always keep a window open to the thought that my dead father is always keeping an eye on me.
It feels comforting to think that maybe everyone is still there, but just waiting on the other side, and that our spirits eventually will dissolve into the big universe together as one.
I get paranoid sometimes too, usually about people that I have to trust and depend on.
But it usually turns out that I am not entirely wrong, my landlord whom I dislike strongly is avoiding any complaint I have about my apartment so that I have to make several phone calls to other instances to force him to do his job.
The medical system doesn't seem to care so I feel like I have to be one step ahead in order to get good enough service.
And I sort of fear how much control google has over the internet as I have experienced that, when it comes down to it, they'll be watching my actions whether I consent or not.
Also I think a lot about what people think of me if I am unsure about them which has led me to a pretty isolated life since I can find social events to be exhausting.
Everything I don't know can keep me awake wondering sometimes but at the same time it might be best that I don't know the truth about everything.
Bimsy thanks for your sharing. I'm trying to figure these symptoms out because I'm fascinated by them. There's a lot of stigma about psychosis. Honestly I'm not afraid of having these symptoms be psychosis, spirituality a grief response. Perhaps all of the above.
I've read about brief reactive psychosis. It's a temporary response to grief which goes away after a few days. This seems like what I was going through.
Some notable experiences I've had: An old trauma of mine was being taken by cps from my birth mother who was having one of her many episodes in public. She was screaming and yelling. Had to be hospitalized. It was trully awful.
She was a highly spiritual person who claimed to see ghosts.
She also did a lot of drugs. I don't do drugs thankfully. I'm wondering if my response is a grief/ trauma response with a genetic influence.
I understand the feelings of being connected to the dead. My birth mother has past on and I feel a strong connection to her as if she's protecting me. It's comforting.
I am sorry to hear about your mothers troubles and passing seriousann333! :hug:
But I think you have a pretty healthy view on things, I don't think I would be that terrified to learn that I had psychotic symptoms either since it can be treated and it doesn't mean that you're a serial killer! (like most people might think, sadly).
It could quite possibly be genetic and I think it's a good thing that you suspect this because now you have time to figure out what to do if you go in to a full psychosis.
Thank you for your kind words. It's validating and reminds me that she was real. I was in foster care for a few years after our initial separation. Eventually adopted.
I've had a great life mixed with unacknowledged grief by caregivers. How dare a Little orphan girl grieve for her mother! She's supposed to be soooo grateful to be rescued!
I've learned after a lot of self reflection that emotions are complex. I can grieve my loss of her AND be grateful to have been given a better life. I can love my adoptive parents and love her too. Love is boundless!
When I have visions, they remind me of my link to her and my connection to her. She didn't have much to give. She gave me my spirit and I'm eternally grateful.
Peace and healing to you.
Thanks for your empathy and compassion.
Just to add to the thread, this is something I suffer from too. I used to fall asleep when being nagged by girlfriends and had trouble at college, staying awake in lectures, lecturers think that you have been out all night but I realise now that under stress its a form if dissociation. Try to convince anybody of that ;)
I would also struggle with learning things, much of my degree was verbal exams, with lots of medical terminology, which just used to float out of my head in the exam. I used to get terrible grades. Terrible grades increase stress and breed terrible grades its a continuous cycle. I can't believe how ignorant teachers and lecturers are to these things.