Does anyone else fantasize all the time? I will often lay in bed for 2 hours fantasizing as a means of escape, and anytime I'm alone I do the same. Depending on the day I might imagine being able to trust someone enough to unload all my baggage on them, then have them just be there to hold me as I fall apart (seems silly now that I write it down), or I might fantasize about a faraway place where I can finally relax and feel safe. Sometimes I fantasize about dying but I don't want to go there. I naturally have a very vivid imagination, so daydreaming/imagining is one of the ways my brain tries to cope I suppose. I was just wondering if anyone else fantasizes to the extent I do, like for hours on end and even acting out the scenarios as if they are real, complete with dialogue. I often live more in my fantasies than in the real world, which I know isn't healthy but honestly it helps me get through the tough days.
To me this sounds like a bit of disassociation as a coping mechanism him and escape to fantasy as a way to heal. There is a link to information on escape to fantasy but but not all the information is completely fitting in your case because it's written from two perspectives, one is a personality disorder person doing such a thing but another perspective in the link is from a victims need to escape to fantasy as a way to cope. If you choose to review the information at the link please text her the information carefully as I am not at all suggesting a personality disorder.
http://outofthefog.website/top-100-trait-blog/2015/11/4/escape-to-fantasy
Here's a few highlights that might be helpful if you don't want to review the whole link
"It's common for abuse victims to retreat into fantasies of their own, where they imagine a better, safer, more successful life for themselves. The danger comes when the abuse victim replaces reality with fantasy on a systematic basis, which can prevent them from making constructive choices or escaping abusive environments."
"What not to do-
Don't feel guilty about your own fantasies - they are a normal way to cope with stress and difficulty - they are a normal way to cope with stress and difficulty.
Don't allow fantasies – your own or someone else's - to infringe on your own safety, freedom or dignity.
Don't allow fantasies to become accepted as truth in your life.
Don't accept responsibility for another person's behavior just because they fantasize their own responsibility away.
Don't assume a person's fantasy is an accurate reflection of what they believe 100% of the time. Many fantasies are temporary mental departures from reality.
What TO do
Work on separating fact from fiction in your own life.
Writing down fantasies can help you see them more objectively.
If your fantasies are about having a better, healthier life which is free of abuse, look at how you can take actual steps to make it so.
Get regular reality checks from a good friend or therapist.
Great feedback Butterfly :thumbup: I just wanted to add that one "Do" might be to take one of your positive fantasies, perhaps start with something small and see if you can make it happen for yourself. Just a thought.
Thank you Butterfly, very helpful info.
Kizzie, I'd like to hope some of my fantasies could come true, but there is a little (ok, a loud) voice in my head saying they are too good to be true.
Alice97, yes i do.
I totally relate. Im so sorry if you are lonely etc.
I have realised lately that i do this , and it is due to loneliness and feeling uncared about and invisible.
I just found another thread similar to yours that i wrote on...but this seems more appropriate but i wont repeat what i wrote on the other thread.
I asked if this fantasizing was disasociaion- but from reading your thread, i think it is.
I have been fantasying about getting my childhood needs met for a long time.
i nearly came close but was dumped twice- one recently.
I listen to music and think about people who can meet these needs.
Mother figures...therapist...men i fancy or feel attracted to.
i am stating to think that my attraction to others is based on these unmet needs i have.
Depending on the day I might imagine being able to trust someone enough to unload all my baggage on them, then have them just be there to hold me as I fall apart (seems silly now that I write it down), or I might fantasize about a faraway place where I can finally relax and feel safe.
Yes, i do the same- all of those three. And i also fantasize about dying.
I fantasise about people rescuing me.
I also have conversations in my head about what would be said and imagine what would happen- i can't believe you have this too!!!
I think that all trauma types disassociate.
once i was in the kitchen chopping vegetables, once washing dishes and all the chatter suddenly stopped in my head.
There is music and throghts and conversations in my head and i only realised that i had all that going on when i right brain disassociated and felt all...woosy and calm.
My thinking is that i did this as a child. In lots of ways.
I used to imagine my teacher / teachers adopting me.
Big hugs to you. You are not alone in this. :hug: :hug:
Sienna - I just saw your response, I forgot to check back to this thread (obviously) for awhile. I'm so glad somebody else does the same things, it's comforting to know I'm not the only one who struggles with this stuff. Thank you so much and hugs to you as well :hug:
I fantasize about a beautiful fragrant garden with singing birds, a tranquil fountain and lots of butterflies. I wish I could bring you there.
I spent all my spare time fantasising as a teenager. About becoming someone else. About waking up and being in a different life less broken than mine. Or even being in a book I read, a video game I played or a film I saw. Anywhere but my life would have been just wonderful. I sometimes still do have these fantasies, but nowadays they are more grounded and achievable. Such as fantasising I am more confident, calmer... That I handled a certain situation differently.
I think I've heard this referred to as maladaptive daydreaming.
That may be a term worth researching if you want help breaking out of the cycle. It seems helpful to daydream/dissociate because it gives you a break from reality, but it also keeps you from meaningfully confronting reality and having a chance at living your actual life instead of a fantasized one.
I've been there. It's hard to stop because it's like a drug, you get addicted to it... but it's very very worth it.
Wishing you the best.
The other day I found this lovely refrigerator magnet with the saying "I dreamed my whole house was clean. My life coach asked "What's one thing you can do to achieve this goal?" Chronic fatigue and physical disabilities usually prevent me from getting further than laundry and the dishes. I don't have the money to pay somebody to clean for me and I'm disgusted with the way I live. Sometimes I don't even get through the dishes before my legs start going out from under me. So it's off to Never Never Land again.
I do this a lot too. Have always done it for as long as I can remember. I was left to entertain myself a lot as a child so I guess I would retreat into my imagination to pass the time, and make life bearable. I have some "stories" that I imagine again and again, although the characters change. I have whole conversations in my head, sometimes enough that I will burst out laughing at some funny thing that was "said". I know it's all imaginary and none of it is real. It just helps me, sometimes feels like a security blanket of sorts, something that can take me out of my current situation, and I can be anywhere I choose.
I am in therapy for CPTSD, and am working through all my issues. I do try to limit my daydreaming and work on my real life, but it's still something I go back to. I guess it is also a way to have relationships, to tell my story etc... in a way that is risk free to me. Sometimes I can even work through issues by talking it through in my head, as if I were having a conversation with someone else.
Taking Flight, you said:
I know it's all imaginary and none of it is real. It just helps me, sometimes feels like a security blanket of sorts,
Fantisies disassociate us.
I have learnt some new stuff lately.
Attachment patterns-
when we cant attach to the mother, we attach to other things.
We use these things in times when we need to self soothe.
We used these things to self soothe, because we still need a mother- a person outside of ourselves to soothe us-
becaus- we have no motherly inner voice that we have internalised from our actual mother to comfort us.
Some of us learned that the only way we can take care of our needs (though not properly or healthily), was ourselves.
We never reach out to others to soothe us.
But weather you reach out or not, you still need something to soothe you.
One being, fantasies.
It takes the child away i suppose, - disassociates the child from the reality that is their life.
I still need to work all this out. But i do know about attaching to other things, such as your own fantasies, as you have no mother to attach to.
Hope that makes sense. You are not alone. :hug:
That makes a lot of sense Sienna...we do still need to get that attachment and care, even if we have to imagine it
where you said "We never reach out to others to soothe us", that is so true for me! I struggle with reaching out for help, it didn't occur to me that reaching out was an option a lot of the time, it's still a hard concept for me to get my head around.
I agree that sometimes we need the security blankets and coping methods of our past, at least until we can learn other, healthier ways of self soothing, which is a long process.
Quote from: Sienna on August 17, 2016, 02:39:10 PM
Taking Flight, you said:
I know it's all imaginary and none of it is real. It just helps me, sometimes feels like a security blanket of sorts,
Fantisies disassociate us.
I have learnt some new stuff lately.
Attachment patterns-
when we cant attach to the mother, we attach to other things.
We use these things in times when we need to self soothe.
We used these things to self soothe, because we still need a mother- a person outside of ourselves to soothe us-
becaus- we have no motherly inner voice that we have internalised from our actual mother to comfort us.
Some of us learned that the only way we can take care of our needs (though not properly or healthily), was ourselves.
We never reach out to others to soothe us.
But weather you reach out or not, you still need something to soothe you.
One being, fantasies.
It takes the child away i suppose, - disassociates the child from the reality that is their life.
I still need to work all this out. But i do know about attaching to other things, such as your own fantasies, as you have no mother to attach to.
Hope that makes sense. You are not alone. :hug:
Thank you for this insightful response, Sienna. This is a very valuable thread.
I also fantasize pretty much compulsively. I have recognized a lot in the last few months and have been working to curb the intrusions. I find it a natural reaction to situations I can't "escape".
I'm working to focus the urge to escape into action these days, ideally meditative ones. Long walks have become an almost daily occurrance. I get to think about what I want if I want and I'm also practicing self care. If I look objectively I have accomplished a lot already in recovery, even though my inner critic denies it.
Alice97, how are you doing these days? :hug:
Movementforthebett,
I am so glad that what i read is getting out there to others.
Thats so great, what you are doing.
Maybe you can see what is lurking under the fantasies, what you are feeling, even if that feeling is numbness.
:hug:
Hey TakingFlight,
Trigger warning.
The fantasies i have, i think that underneath them is a lot of surpassed anger at my parents.
Spartanlifecoach touched on it a little in a video he did.
But i can't feel that anger at all.
He was talking about strange sexual stuff a narcissist might do...
and having a mother who was a narc, i internalised a lot of her narcissism, only i didnt know this till lately.
ie. if you fantasise about getting care from others, (its different for everybody), but i think that i split all that off from me.
I was taught that wants were not ok, that they were weak.
I learned that the only way i would get my needs met, is through myself. Therefore if you fantasise say about getting care needs met, it makes sense that you are providing *yourself* with that fantasy, and i see that some of these surpassed needs are from a very young age, and there is no way you can go around asking others to partake in the parent roll that my fantasies entail, therefore, like back then (and cos i avoid closeness with others), fantasy is all i have.
I don't reach out, and I'm sorry you struggle with this too.
It never even occurred to me either, to reach out, or to ask for help.
Not until my X said to me about it.
How crazy, when apparently as a child, it is alien to a child to not attach, and to not seek love and support / help.
and maybe because of how abnormal it might have felt to us, we don't remember feeling that way and we even go against asking for help- we don't know we can.
I guess you do whatever you are told as you learn from your caregivers.
There for, those wants, might have felt wrong, bad, like there was something wrong with us.
ah, sorry for the splurge. I'm just learning so much at the moment, and i figure out more as i write.
:hug:
Yeah, me too, all the time.
Fantasy is a self-soothing addiction that very few people are talking about. You don't hear it like you do with drugs, alcohol, smoking, gambling, eating, sex, and shopping addictions. So most people are not aware that it is an addiction. Also you can do it, and no one will be the wiser. It doesn't impact your body like drugs. Nor your wallet like gambling. It's readily accessible... in fact you can't put it down, because it's in your brain.
Most people would not believe that it is as harmful as other additions, but *I* know it is. I do it all the time, when I'm doing things that don't take much thought: cooking, cleaning, laundry... and I avoid things that would take me out of it... things that would take mental effort. So I avoid doing thing that would bring meaning to my life.
The ONLY thing I've found so far to not fantasize, is to actually talk to myself. I'm using my brain in the same way, but I'm being present. For example, I'll say "I'm getting a cup of coffee... now I'm getting the sugar...now I'm getting the milk...". It is substituting a non-harmful behavior for the addicting behavior. But I've just started it. *... I just made it up; I don't know if it will work. But like I said... NOONE out there is treating it, and I think they should.
I think I'll add it to Wikipedia's definition of addiction, so people will start to get the hint!
I'm so glad this has been a helpful thread to some of you, there have been some very insightful posts that have helped me work through and better understand my constant struggle with dissociation. Thanks everyone for your input!
Quote from: movementforthebetter on August 18, 2016, 04:33:42 PM
Alice97, how are you doing these days? :hug:
I'm doing OK, I just posted a long rant in my journal about how I am. I'm still struggling with all the usual symptoms, but I'm also doing more research and understanding myself better. So good and bad all at once :) I'm still fantasizing all the time, and honestly it is helping me survive day to day, so I'm not fighting it for now until I find a better means of coping. I figure it's that or something harmful (like substance abuse), so I'll go with the fantasies for now. I actually found a movie a few weeks ago where I related a LOT to one of the characters. I felt like I was watching a movie of myself. (The movie is called The Unsaid) I've watched it probably more than 5 times now in a very short period of time. I know it seems silly but I guess it has helped me to not feel so alone, and it provides an escape.
So anywho, thanks for asking, I'm surviving at least. :hug: to you as well.
Hi everyone,
I used to think I was the only one obsessively fantasizing and daydreaming...
I used to chastise myself constantly but was unable to control it. I've done this ever since I can remember. The themes of the novels in my head changed throughout my life, but they are still a great entertainment and refuge.
Unfortunately, I have no control over my fantasies. During a boring meeting, I would like to escape into a fantasy world, but am unable to. But when I'm supposed to work on an important project with a deadline, I slip into La La Land and I'm gone. The whole day long I stare at the wall or my blank computer screen, miss appointments, don't eat or drink, and I'm fully absorbed in some fantasy story. When someone calls me on the phone, I can hardly speak. I forget where and who I am and what I was supposed to be doing. In a way I feel peaceful in that state, being so disconnected from my emotions and the outside world. I even get a rush of exitement, like a thrill, when I feel myself slipping away into this trance-like state. :disappear: Like a dopamin rush, perhaps. Or perhaps this is what it feels like to be high from drugs.
Now that I'm doing therapy for my C-PTSD, I've accepted my need for escaping into a fantasy world. I don't judge myself anymore. I don't feel so guilty anymore when I come to and realize all the obligations that I neglegted. This kind of dissociation helped me survive and I am grateful for the ability of my mind to create a "drug-like" state without any substance! Kind of neat... That also explains why it's highly addictive... :whistling:
I actually sometimes still need to escape. Reality is just too rough. My emotions are just to intense. My fantasies seem more real to me than normal reality. I might not be the most reliable person and I can't get anything organized because I'm so spaced out, but at least I'm surviving. Slowly I'm taking part in life more and more, but I'm taking baby steps. Otherwise it's just too scary.
I think we need to be compassionate to ourselves when we have the need to escape into fantasy. It served and still serves a purpose, i.e. to survive. There are really more harmful and more costly addictions!
:yourock: