I hope I'm not posting annoying often. There's just a lot I'm trying to figure out right now.
I'm especially trying to figure out how to identify emotional flashbacks. So I ask, how often can you have them? Based on what I've learned I've probably had 3 of differing intensities in the last week and a half. But that sounds super melodramatic. But then again, I still live with my abuser, so... he's kind of a walking, talking flashback trigger.
Opinions? Insight? Can emotional flashbacks overlap? Like you're still getting over one trigger and another thing triggers you?
Gah, I'm starting to identify these things and I feel like a flashback time bomb right now.
I'm starting to do some research right now, but I also wanted to know what you all think about the topic.
Thanks!
I think I was stuck in an EF for about 2-1/2 years after being diagnosed with ptsd! I simply lost my direction, the wind went out of my sails, and I sunk into a depression that I'd never felt before.
And if you're living with someone who's triggering, how could you not have them that often? Seems possible.
Sorry you're having them so often tho. :hug:
You're not posting too much and you're not melodramatic, either. ;)
hello! i'm glad you brought this up because I can relate to feeling like I've had numerous EFs within a week or two (and also feeling melodramatic about feeling that way). I also live with my abusers, so I can understand living with a walking ef trigger :(
I've experienced it happening one after another in breaks (day to day in two to three day periods, then feeling elated or content (experiencing no EFs) for up to a week, and then back to EFs again. rinse and repeat). I'm a fawn-freeze type and the intensity on those sides varies day to day/hour to hour sometimes, so often if I'm freezing, I feel as I'm moving towards being content/neutral something else might trigger me.
i hope it's alright to say, since you mentioned feeling like a "flashback time bomb" I wonder, I feel sometimes like I'm emotionally stable" and unable to predict when I'll be triggered. living here it's hard to predict, so one day I'm OK, and after being triggered, something else will happen. and I understand it's hard to identify it in that moment. i hope we both can find some insight, but hopefully anything I mentioned might be relatable to you and know you're not alone in your feeling :)
I'm sure I've had EFs within EFs... I don't think there is any limit on them. You are not alone.
There are no rules governing when or for how long we have EFs. If there were, we might stand a chance of breaking them just to have a time out ;)
You're not annoying either. I was in your same position six months ago, and still need to check in for advice. The pin is now safely back in the bomb, but for a while there...
i've been wrestling with an ef since jan. absolutely horrible. some days i'll feel better, but then, right down the hole. i feel melodramatic, too, but i'm assured that's not what's going on. it's real, it's unpredictable, it's like nothing i've ever experienced. you're not alone. big hug to you, writetolife.
You are all so helpful and kind. Thank you for sharing with me. It must have been so terrible Every one of you, thank you. Thank you for reminding me that I'm not alone.
Quotehope it's alright to say, since you mentioned feeling like a "flashback time bomb" I wonder, I feel sometimes like I'm emotionally stable" and unable to predict when I'll be triggered. living here it's hard to predict, so one day I'm OK, and after being triggered, something else will happen. and I understand it's hard to identify it in that moment. i hope we both can find some insight, but hopefully anything I mentioned might be relatable to you and know you're not alone in your feeling
Yes! You explained it so well. It's like feeling like you're constantly on the verge of falling off the EF cliff.
oops I realized in my comment I meant "emotionally unstable" but hopefully you understood that? but yes you really summed it up as well, it's a strangely shaped cliff I gotta say.
but also you're very welcome! :hug: big hugs and big hopes to see everyone taking steps to understanding themselves better and feeling validated in the process!
Hey Writetolife,
Trigger Warnings **
QuoteI hope I'm not posting annoying often. There's just a lot I'm trying to figure out right now.
Its ok ;)
I think its pretty normal when you find out about Cptsd to have lots of questions..and coming here, its a place in which you can ask these questions...so i say, fire away!, though i do understand your worry as i had it and still have it, myself. I think you are ok here. :)
QuoteGah, I'm starting to identify these things and I feel like a flashback time bomb right now.
When we start becoming aware of the flashbacks, its quite normal to feel like this. It can be surprising how many of them you have with out realising it.
Living with your abuser will for sure make you flashback. And it can be hard when you are comming out of the fog to live in such an environment, when the blanket of denial and self blame and tolerance starts to wear thin.
How often can you have emotional flashbacks?-
There is no definite *amount, or number* as it is different for everyone.
It depends on what triggers you.
(just in case you don't know).. Triggers can come from the environment, and they can also come from the inner critic / outer critic in our heads (internalised voices of our abusers).
This is not our fault. Instead of a caring, supportive mother voice in our heads which we should have, we have an abusive one instead. It becomes our natural through process.
If you are not sleeping well, or not taking care of yourself (excersize, nutrition, rest etc etc.), you can be more susceptible to flashbacks. You wont be *as* emotionally resilient or able to handle challenges when you are not well nutritionally etc.
Spartanlifecoach does a video about this on YouTube, and many others on emotional flashbacks-
but i cant find the one about nutrition etc.
He is very good IMO.
I have found, that you can have emotional flashbacks with out realising it.
There are the milder ones- such as the critical inner voice and the negative thoughts about self or what others think that are a normal part of your day...in the background of your mind..
and there are really intense ones too.
With complex PTSD...what makes it complex is not only repetitive and or, varied traumas, but that there is no visual memory with the flashbacks.
So when you are in a flashback, you might not aways be able to point to what it was in the past that happened.
I am seeing a therapist who i hope can help me put situations to these feelings, so that i can exercise more self compassion when I'm in one...and so i can understand exactly what happened to cause this.
QuoteCan emotional flashbacks overlap? Like you're still getting over one trigger and another thing triggers you?
Yes! Emotional flashbacks can overlap. I think that you are more susceptible to more flashbacks when you are still getting over a flashback, because you might be adrenalised, exhausted, feeling vulnerable etc.
Things in the environment- You cant always control what comes up during the day in terms of people, things people do and say..what happens..not everything is in our control and sometimes things don't go to plan or things go wrong.
So sometimes there could be more than one trigger.
I think too, that if we are ie. stressed / panicy due to a flashback-
another flashback can happen becasue we could become *hypervigelant*...
and we could fear all sorts of things (things that happened in the past)
and also-
there could be an increase in the inner critic in our heads-
so we are now not only fearing the past repeating itself again, but we are hearing our abuser in our head.
Sometimes lots of different flashbacks happen all at once- and the flashbacks are not always about the same *thing or topic*.
When one flashback happens or when i am in one- i find i can be super emotional sometimes about other things. Other things become triggers, when, if i wasnt in a flashback in the first place, it normally wouldn't have bothered me.
The flashbacks i think, can have an underlying theme that is quite similar for all of them.
I find that something can trigger a flashback, and then
circumstances or
environment can create another flashback.
eg. Your in a flashback.
You realise your alone and dealing with the flashback by yourself.
Having a flashback whilst you are alone experiencing it, could trigger like...a double flashback.
Could be similar if you are around others when its happening and you are afraid they wont understand, and you feel you need to get away and be by yourself. That could spark off fear of being around others at the same time you are having the flashback.
I imagine them too, to have layers to them.
Anger flashback- underneath there could be fear...sadness...etc etc.
Maybe if you able to outlet the anger...fear and anxiety can come up that was underneath it, so then you might start having another flashback that is anxiety ridden.
I feel ashamed at times about flash backing, and about the type of things that trigger my flashbacks.
I try to remind myself that, not only are these feelings are a childs feelings- therefore you may be afraid / triggered, overwhelmed, by things that adults might not normally be triggered by,
but i think it just demonstrates the amount of the sever abuse you went through.
Have you checked out Pete Walker?
He has a book called, CPTSD, From surviving to thriving.
He has a website too.
He explains in both (though more detail in his book) how you can spot that you are in a flashback,
Its hard at first to spot.
You cant always tell when going in to one, - you cant always see the *flash* until you learn to recognise the signs that you are starting to go into one.
And when you are in one, you cant aways tell that you are in a flashback unil its over, and sometimes, not even then.
I realised with the big ones, that there is a feeling that *i have felt this feeling before, but i don't remember when, and i cant remember any visual memories*.
Coming from Narc abuse- its really difficult for me to be able to tell if I'm rightfully upset about the *preasent*, or if its a flashback. I was told that i was mello dramatic, blowing things out of proportion etc etc...so its no wonder we don't trust ourselves or our feelings.
You are feeling what you are feeling (the flashbacks) for a very valid reason- otherwise they wouldn't be there.
I have to tell myself this a lot.
You can be upset about the present only, or you could be upset about the present
and in a flashback at the same time. I find telling the difference between which is very hard...
Spartanlifecoach did a video on this too.
And an increase in coping mechanisms, and an increase in the inner critic / outer critic is a sign you are in a flashback, as well as feeling little and small, or like a different person, if you switch via dissociative parts.
If our reactions our out of proportion to the situation...we are most likely in a flashback.
(with narc abuse...we have most likely been thought to doubt our feelings and think our feelings are *always wrong*, *always out of proportion with reality*....
so it can be hard to tell if your present time reaction is in proportion or not.
Im sorry this was...complicated.
You *will* get the hang of this I'm sure, as i was once where you was and i figured out on my own and through reading that this is more complicated than i thought, but through the reading etc. you can become more aware of what is happening to you, and I'm sure you will, as you seem to want to know..
If you would like any links to any of the spartan or pete walker stuff i suggested..ill post them here for you... :hug:
QuoteIm sorry this was...complicated.
No, no, it was perfect. I understand completely what you're saying and it is so helpful. I definitely have looked at Pete Walker and SpartanLifeCoach, but I was left with so many questions. But you've answered many of them and just made me feel a little bit "normal." Thank you for that.
QuoteSometimes lots of different flashbacks happen all at once- and the flashbacks are not always about the same *thing or topic*.
When one flashback happens or when i am in one- i find i can be super emotional sometimes about other things. Other things become triggers, when, if i wasnt in a flashback in the first place, it normally wouldn't have bothered me.
This makes things make so much more sense. There are times when totally normal objects (usually their scents actually) cause me really strong emotional reactions that I don't expect. So for a few hours it can be like being bombarded with all of these "silent" memories that if I'm lucky I can put a time frame to, but not really a memory. Even if it didn't seem like it ought to be scary, it caused a lot of anxiety. This must be what's going on. It was so confusing. It was like "Really, am I afraid of Gain dish detergent?" But apparently I'm not. ;)
QuoteI realised with the big ones, that there is a feeling that *i have felt this feeling before, but i don't remember when, and i cant remember any visual memories*.
Oh goodness, this explains it so well.
Again, thank you for taking the time to write out so much information about your experience. I appreciate it, and it has been so helpful.
Hey Writetolife,
im so glad you weren't too freaked out...
Im sorry this was...complicated.
.
QuoteBut you've answered many of them and just made me feel a little bit "normal." Thank you for that.
Awesome! (thumb up)
trigger below...
QuoteThis makes things make so much more sense. There are times when totally normal objects (usually their scents actually) cause me really strong emotional reactions that I don't expect. So for a few hours it can be like being bombarded with all of these "silent" memories that if I'm lucky I can put a time frame to, but not really a memory. Even if it didn't seem like it ought to be scary, it caused a lot of anxiety. This must be what's going on. It was so confusing. It was like "Really, am I afraid of Gain dish detergent?" But apparently I'm not. ;)
This could be because the feeling from the flashback you are already in, is related to the smell of detergent or (whatever the smell)...
or there could be associated emotional flashbacks with the smell...from an event you have amnesia for...you blocked out..
Sorry for going into my own experience. I didnt know how else to explain, and i couldnt say that it was the case, or that it was the same for everyone, because i don't know that it is...a lot of these are guesses based on my own experience...I had to write because i was so confused when i first started looking at EFs. .. I'm glad it helped.
I have these all the time, basically any time that I'm not actively concentrating on something. As such there's no limit to them, and they often aren't distinct. It's normal for me that when I walk or bike somewhere I'm almost constantly having emotional flashbacks, and 'daydream' (more intensely than other people) as a coping mechanism. Like I'll feel attacked (because of some trigger that day that I really have to think back to determine, if I even can) and then I'll have a blinding image of fighting and defending myself, for instance. I can't escape the emotions that come to me (feeling attacked, unsafe, lonely, small, in danger etc) but escaping into my imagination can make it survive-able, because I almost commandeer the scene.
Oh Riverstar,
That sounds so hard. :bighug:
Do you ever try grounding? Does that help? Maybe you know way more about this than I do and it's still happening, I have no idea. I hope there's something that helps, though.
Ha, thanks for the sympathy. It just seems normal to me. Sometimes grounding works I guess, but that can make it worse by making me face my life (maybe that makes it sound worse than it is?). I basically escape into my imagination and that works as a coping mechanism, because I make these daydreams have happy endings, and they can make me feel strong or loved. I've done that all my life (I probably started having PTSD when I was 6-10). I've been working more recently to try to determine what caused them though and think back so I can work on more long-term solutions. Therapy is helpful.
Well I get EF almost everyday. . I wake up remembering that my narc ex used to spit on my face when something didn't go his way 😣. Now whenever a guy approaches me to speak to me I go home and cry like a child on my couch. .. I'm sure there will be a way out of this..
I've decided to try Prana breathing today to work through these episodes.
Welcome, Gatita! :wave:
Quote from: Riverstar on October 09, 2016, 10:14:03 PM
I have these all the time, basically any time that I'm not actively concentrating on something. As such there's no limit to them, and they often aren't distinct. It's normal for me that when I walk or bike somewhere I'm almost constantly having emotional flashbacks, and 'daydream' (more intensely than other people) as a coping mechanism. Like I'll feel attacked (because of some trigger that day that I really have to think back to determine, if I even can) and then I'll have a blinding image of fighting and defending myself, for instance. I can't escape the emotions that come to me (feeling attacked, unsafe, lonely, small, in danger etc) but escaping into my imagination can make it survive-able, because I almost commandeer the scene.
I feel you, or perhaps I only feel myself as usual, but what you write here is intensely similar to my own experience. For me, what seems to be useful is to embrace as an adult the means of surviving that child-me discovered, and then
own it, as long as I can, as an adult. I don't ever truly feel that I can commandeer the scene, but rather that I am telling a story to myself, I give myself permission to live in that
other, story world as much as I need to be. I permit the story to exist, within, behind, through and throughout the work-a-day world that everybody else seems to be a part of effortlessly. I suppose, what I'm writing is that for me, the storytelling
must occur, so... would I rather it happen invisibly, so that I can't understand why I behave the way I do? Would I rather it be so completely forefronting that it obliviates any connection I might have to the banal? I have experienced both, and they result consistently in my harming those I love, continuing the great inheritance of abuse.
So on Sunday I was playing a board game with my little sister who has ADHD and seizures, and I was already having a rough day, my depression/anxiety/whatever else decided to kick in the whole day.
So when we encountered rough patches there were several times where I would go to my dad and cry, and he would wrap me in a hug.
But then I hit an even harder one, and I said I wanted to quite the game.
I continued to repeat the statement, and it continued to be ignored by my dad.
The whole time I was experiencing this, I was silently crying and having an EF of "No one wants to help me."
Eventually my dad came over and told us to take a break.
So that is the first one, the second is as follows.
I can't exactly remember how it started, but I said or implied something that made my mom cry, and dinner was silent and uncomfortable until my parents forced me to tell them what was bothering me.
I had been in this situation before with the my confession of having been clinically depressed for about 2 years.
My parents figured out that I had been talking to a church leader about it and demanded answers.
The process usually goes like this: I do/say something, my mom cries, my dad gets mad, I get a lecture, and my little sister who has seizures and ADHD who has outbursts seems to get away with some things (which my mom said was the same for me) but I don't seem to get the same treatment for my outbursts.
But anyway, what had bothering me was that I missed how things were before my youngest sister was born.
I missed just being me and my sister. (who is 15 months younger than me, and we think we were both a set of twins.)
I never had learned to cope with the addition and when I always bring up "Two siblings is enough for me.", my mom replies with "The children don't get to choose."
I know the children don't get to choose, but I like small families, and I feel myself pining for days long gone.
I just have so much social anxiety, that it sometimes keeps me from my own family.
And then my mom suggested that she and my youngest sister could live at my grandma's.
She has done this to me a couple of times.
Back in 2014, when my depression was really bad, my mom said "I can just take her and leave, is that what you want?"
I didn't show much emotion when she said it, but I broke down crying after she left my bedroom.
I just hate having to be in the "parental confrontation" situations.
I have experienced them enough, and I feel trapped when they are going on.
My parents were never physically abusive, and my mom isn't emotionally abusive anymore, but I still feel like she sometimes says something that grazes old wounds.
It also feels like they are guilt tripping me for feelings that I can't control, and have no idea how to handle.
This ended up being much longer than I intended it to be, but I guess I just need someone to help me on this.
Hi Lapis Lazuli,
I don't know if I can help, but what I can say is that what your mother said about just taking your sister and leaving was horrible, manipulative abuse.
I also tend to go into Ef's when I feel like someone (usually my dad) is ignoring or invalidating my needs. In fact, it was the thing that triggered my EF. I felt like he put me in a dangerous situation and wouldn't listen to why I felt like it was dangerous.
I wish I did know how to help. I'm so sorry this is happening. The thing about your parents forcing you to tell them information that is personal and/or you know they won't respond well to is such a terrible tactic. :(
Also, I think I learned the answer to my original question.
TOO BLINKIN' OFTEN.
But actually multiple times a day I've learned is totally possible. Sigh...
:stars: too blinkin' often :D
Lapis Lazuli (and maybe Writetolife), this may not be what you want to hear, but when you're parents aren't supportive of your feelings, you really should stop going to them about them. Parents have a responsibility to care for their children, both physically (food, shelter) and emotionally (be supportive and loving), but many parents can't provide the latter. They are failing in their responsibility to you, and you shouldn't have to face that, but some people (myself included) do. To keep going for support to someone who only makes you feel worse can make you weaker rather than stronger. I think a really important thing to learn is how to support yourself, how to be compassionate of your own suffering (which no one understands better than you), and how to know when it's better to be alone than go to someone who doesn't respect your feelings. Of course you support, but wishing alone doesn't change your parents, unfortunately. Other options if you want to talk about your feelings to someone and get support from them is talk to your sister or friends (if applicable), talk to a school guidance counsellor or therapist, or talk to an (anonymous) distress/help line.
Lapis Lazuli - I don't think your issue is really your younger sister, and I'd be careful not to let your resentment build toward her, because maybe you could be close otherwise. I would guess that that resentment is redirected from your parents. I think (and I may be wrong) that your sister being born only accentuated a situation that was already there - that you weren't being respected or payed enough attention. Your mother still seems to treat you that way, by threatening you with abandonment and dismissing your problems (like your dad). The important thing is to know that you and your problems aren't just how your parents think they are, and often depression is repressed anger - perhaps you never let yourself be angry at how poorly your parents have and are treating you, so you blamed yourself instead of them, and now feel worthless/unloved/hopeless/depressed.
So I just made a bunch of leaps and guesses, but I did so because I thought it might be helpful to think about this critically, and really assess how deeply hurt you might be. I hope some of this is helpful. Don't give up.
So today has been really hard for me.
I was jittery and the only thing I've eaten was a butter and cheese sandwich. (I used to eat those when I was little.)
I am struggling to keep my thoughts positive and ground myself.
Any tips?
If you've only eaten that one thing all day, that could be why you're jittery. I know I would be! :)
If your blood sugar is low, try some protein, that helps me.
Thanks, I'm doing a lot better now.
The reason I'm having trouble eating is probably related to hormones.
I basically have to force myself to eat.
I watched this funny video where this guy was doing voice-over of people asking if they were pregnant based on 'this or that', only, they couldn't spell pregnant.
I was laugh snorting the whole time.
Which I had become self conscious about, only recently becoming brave enough to open up again.
I have just joined today, and am so glad to have found this thread.
I feel as though I have been in an emotional flashback, of varying intensity, for the past few months. I am transferring my mother onto my wife (not good...), experiencing emotional/physical sensations of needing to hide my body from her, make sure she does not come into my room when I am changing, or bathroom when showering, etc.
While I am now going for EMDR, it is going to take time, due to the complex nature of my trauma (childhood abuse of all varieties by my mother). However I am starting to separate my wife from my mother.
Certainly emotional flashback is how I am experiencing, and would describe, it all.