I have been pushing down my anger for so long and it's finally coming out.
I left my abusive marriage in July. Plugging along. Pushing through. Found an apartment, started the divorce proceedings...
Trying to do everything right in such a wrong situation.
And now all of a sudden here is the anger. Here is the despair. Here are the nightmares. Sometimes when I'm driving I see explosions.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I thought I was making progress. And now I'm lashing out in anger. In small ways. So out of character for me.
I wish I were stronger. I don't want this horrible man to control my life anymore. I feel like the residual pain and emotions I have is just him holding the puppet strings. I want to be stronger.
I hate him.
Hi FIS,
Boy, do I know what it feels like for the dam to burst and be hit with what feels like a lifetime of anger. It's so visceral, and hard to contain.
You must be very strong to be where you are now. Getting out, getting set up in a new life, those are big.
I'm sorry for what you've been through. You are not alone with it.
Hello and welcome to you, FreedomIsSweet!
It sounds to me like you're already strong. It takes a lot of strength to live thru abuse, and a lot to get free of it. :hug:
Thanks for joining! (BTW I liked your poem, too.)
FreedomIsSweet- I agree with the others, you are strong- and getting stronger! It takes strength to deal with the trauma we've experienced, and strength to face our fears and angers. I know sometimes I wish I was back in the fog of denial, but there's no going back once you "wake up" to the realities of your situation.
I hear a lot about what a strong woman I am. I don't feel that way. The other day I was told "you don't see how strong you are, do you?" The answer was no. But reading your post I see strength. To leave someone abusive and to call this man horrible is a victory. To see him for what he really is. Awareness is one of the most difficult things that I have encountered.