So after mths of struggle, have finally made the decision to leave my job :)
God it feels good :)
I have been battling for what feels so long to come to this decision ...
I tried I gave I surrendered
When the stress and expectation added on top of low self worth finally implodes yes it's time to move on :)
Complex ptsd is enough stress by itself would you agree ...
Good for you! It sounds to me like you made a decision to take care of yourself. Congratulations!
Thank you dee yes enough is enough
Boatsetsail: I spent 29 years in a job, most of which found me panicky from 1 am on, throwing up every morning, and a total wreck through the day. It wasn't until I missed large chunks of work between September 2015 and February 2016 that my job sent me to an Independent Medical Examiner for evaluation. He declared me unfit to return to work. I was angry and indignant at the time. Since then I have come to see the wisdom in his decision.
hey, bssr, good for you! i've often put off decisions, like you mentioned, battling, hanging on, thinking it's gonna change, etc. etc., but when i finally made the decision i felt exactly like you said. what a relief. i'm so glad for you to get out from under all that crapola. yay!!! congrats.
:hug: Congrats on coming to such a difficult decision. I wish you all the best. We always say health comes before work, but it takes a lot of courage and conviction to actually live by those words!
May you find new horizons full of beauty and grace.
:hug:
Thank u all
And sanmagic I just love the word 'crapola ' :)
I have now back tracked and decided I couldn't leave and do agency work either ,,, I just can't nurse full stop at the mo..
I finally let go of my fear and went to the doctor and asked to see if I can get diagnosed cptsd - she has put in a referral to the psychiatrist
Also I have got the union involved as my sickness rate is looking gloomy
So just for now I am signed off sick and watching how it all plays out
Good to not have the burden of work at the moment
Do people mind me asking
How the do for money if not working ?
good luck with getting the correct diagnosis. i hope that helps and you'll get some kind of compensation. hanging with you!
Well done! definitely think you made the right decision. I've been out of work since last May and it was the right decision, I knew I needed and still do need to concentrate on 'me' and feeling better, as you know with the NHS it's a long process but I'm optimistic I will get there in the end as I'm sure you will too.
Congratulations on making the decision! I envy you.
I am sure it wasn't easy.
I am currently in that stage... contemplating on quitting my job.
Thank you San magic, I have a diagnosis of cptsd from a psychiatrist it felt so good to get that and hear him put that in the report.
Hi eyes so blue
Not working is a real gift to self and giving myself the time of rest, space and not having the demands of work.
It's good to hear someone else as been off for a few mths too, I mean in light of the whole situation it's not long hey !
For me it's been 4 mths and this week I've had some guilt and 'am I just faking it ' thoughts .. but after speaking with others I know I am not, it's just I'm not in that dark dark place I was in, in February. Then I remember that was only 12 wks ago !
I am awaiting trauma therapy from a charity and they said it will be June/ July to start. There is no long term support in the NHS here so I am very grateful to have found this charity.
I am getting paid by the NHS to be off sick and the end of this month it goes down to half pay with statutory pay on top so I should be able to live on it just. I can then get this for 5 mths. So I may take that time off but will see how things progress over the summer. I see it that I got very burnt out in the NHS, there is no long term support to access for cptsd so being paid for being off work is my way to get what I need for my recovery. I'm very grateful to get it.
How are things going for you eyes so blue ?
Hi bee 123
I'd reached a point where I just couldn't carry on and am v grateful that I get sick pay.. so I haven't left as such, yet, but I have made the decision I won't go back to that particular job. Getting long term sick pay gives me a grace period of looking at my options. I can appreciate that not everyone is in this fortunate position.
Are you looking at getting another job or can you have some time off ?
Has the work impacted your mental Health further ?
:heythere: lovely to hear from you. Had a few major setbacks of late basically been re traumatised so anxiety levels have been horrendous. I'm with my trauma psychotherapist now though and I'm in the early stages of getting ready for EMDR, just working through a trauma line then finding what to work on. Focusing on finding a safe place within myself so I can mentally retreat there when I need to, that is really hard though. Feeling horrible and weak at the moment but trying to find the positives out there somewhere.
Hi eyes so blue
Glad to hear you have started working with your therapist ..
I understand that anxiety re trauma - I did a bit of work with a body therapist and she taught me that grounding exercises are very important for us ... also to do the a-z game to get back I into the logical mind and out of the emotional mind so for example I use boys names ( anything can be used)
Gabrielle Rothschild can be looked at for the grounding/ body work in ptsd , it really has helped.
Ah yes the safe place - the place where none of that stuff touches us - for me it's my heart and talking to myself very gently and kindly ..
does your therapist help you to find that place ?
Yes I understand feeling weak and for me that's where I really take care of myself and talk to myself gently, like my own very very loving parent/ friend
That's what I find when these times hit that we find so much strength in that feeling vulnerable. That is where the strength is. But I don't like feeling weak, I want to be strong and together , but I'm learning that is where my weakness lies as it's the me behind that that needs my love ..
Sounds like you are right where you are supposed to be and are giving yourself the best chance to start really taking your healing journey.. you are brave and an inspiration ..
x
Apologies it's babette Rothschild not Gabrielle
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Keys-Safe-Trauma-Recovery-Take-charge/dp/0393706052
Quote from: Boatsetsailrose on May 18, 2017, 11:02:18 AM
Hi bee 123
I'd reached a point where I just couldn't carry on and am v grateful that I get sick pay.. so I haven't left as such, yet, but I have made the decision I won't go back to that particular job. Getting long term sick pay gives me a grace period of looking at my options. I can appreciate that not everyone is in this fortunate position.
Are you looking at getting another job or can you have some time off ?
Has the work impacted your mental Health further ?
Hello boatsetsalerose,
It's good that you have a support system. We only have limited sick pay here anything beyond that is unpaid. (Based on discussion with my T) I started part-time teleworking this week, thinking that might help ease and eventually prepare me to go back to work full time, but from where I stand now... is not looking good.
I love what I do, I am good at it, but the current environment & dynamic at work mimic the exact trauma I had (and still experiencing).
Sorry to hear this bee
Yes the environment is so conducive or not to our cptsd symptoms ..and we are then cornered to make decisions that don't impact us so much. While this is hard to go through it is a loving action we take for ourselves hey..
it might be worth looking at the benefits system / sick pay / disability further to see what u may be entitled to ..
My idea is to go and do agency work in the future so I am not stuck in one environment ..
Maybe a different environment for you but the same work ?
Thank you boatsetsailrose, I will look into that, keep me updated with your progress always good to hear from you.
hey, eyessoblue,
some therapists also talk about a 'calm' place inside us, or in our imaginations if a client is having difficulty finding a 'safe' place. so many layers of trauma can make thinking of a safe place nearly impossible. my calm place is a small cabin on the edge of a lake surrounded by trees, fire in the fireplace, water lapping on the shore. it's not only visual, but the repetitive sounds of the water and the crackling of the fire engage more than one of my senses for me, which is helpful.
i like bssr's idea of the heart being a safe place. we do have good hearts, strong hearts, caring hearts. that brought a beautiful picture to my mind, again with the repetitive beating. that repetition works well for me.
i'm sure you'll find the right place for you. time and patience, and loving care for yourself will usually do the trick. big hug.
Thank you sanmagic, great words of wisdom as always from you! I shall start trying that.