I was thinking about a panic attack I had recently, and I realized it had two components. The first was a EF that sent quite suddenly into a deep depression that was situational and resolved when I left the building. And the panic attack was at the end when I saw someone who had triggered me before and I thought I couldn't avoid them.
I realized that the EF was really the thing that didn't understand. I could find no trigger for it. Then I realized that I had been uncomfortable before the EF... but I was the kind of uncomfortable-ness I was used to. It was just life. I had to put up with it many times in my life. So it wasn't the kinda thing I would think of as trigger.
And I thought.... maybe this means that I've let my guard down enough to actually feel.
Does this happen?
I think sometimes it is just so hard to find the trigger. It can be anything a feeling, dampness in the air, someone you didn't think much of at the time. I think sometimes we can't always find them. Sometimes when it starts to get dark at night I feel small and alone. It isn't something I would of identified as a trigger in the past.
Or perhaps it is a sign of recovery. I like that! I also feel trying to understand what just happened is a sign of recovery.