Have you ever read or heard about an adult who had gotten cured of CPTSD?
When I read of PTSD that vets got after a tour in a warzone I often come across the "he wasn't himself afterwards".
But what exactly is "myself" if I had gotten CPTSD in through my childhood, through things that happenned ibn my formative years? My personality is a huge scar. There is no happy and healthy "myself" to get back to, because it never had a chance to develop.
I've been through a lot of therapy and sometimes it helped for a while, sometimes it made me worse (dismissive therapists).
If my life is going to be this continuous struggle that eventually spirals back to pain every time, what kind of quality life is it? Is it even worth it?
Sara, this is almost a philosophycal question, to be or not to be. Finding meaning and purpose while suffering from PTSD is hard. When, in my life, everything spiralled down, the only way up for me was making art, through painting and using mixed media I found new meaning. This question you ask still pops into my head every once and a while. Disturbing? Yes. Insurmountable? No.
For me it's all about acceptance.
Take care
Lingurine
Since CPTSD is caused from an injury or injuries, it is possible for the brain to be healed. What that will look like for each person will vary.
Lots of exciting discoveries are being made in the field of neuroplasticity.
Like you, tho, I wonder what that means for me. My exposure to trauma began before I was verbal. I guess for me, when I think of healing, I think of restoration or getting back to what I was meant to be, or as close as possible.
I've already experienced some healing and I do feel better. I am seeing a gestalt therapist and, while it doesn't address the injuries to my brain itself, it is helping me with all the confusing emotions.
You may be interested in reading "The Body Keeps The Score". The author goes into the why's and how's of traumatic injury as well as different successful therapies. Hope this helps.
Quote from: Lingurine on June 18, 2017, 11:08:35 AM
Sara, this is almost a philosophycal question, to be or not to be. Finding meaning and purpose while suffering from PTSD is hard. When, in my life, everything spiralled down, the only way up for me was making art, through painting and using mixed media I found new meaning. This question you ask still pops into my head every once and a while. Disturbing? Yes. Insurmountable? No.
For me it's all about acceptance.
Take care
Lingurine
Thank you Lingurine,
This is what I think I'm struggling with. I cannot accept it. Sometimes when I talk about what happenned I actually physically feel lsick and need to run to the toilet to vomit.
The older I get the more framework I have to look back and unravel the gaslighting (My father throughout the years had me convinced it was my fault that he abused and tortured me. When I was very little it was easy. When I got a bit older he went as far as to pulling up literature about bi-polar disorder, showing it to me and saying that was the reason he had to "discipline me". First of all, what he took for a bipolar cycle is me being very, very depressed after he'd attack me for a period of time and then trying to get back to normal life with school activities and friends to just be humiliated and beaten up again when he had a bad day. Secondly, even if a child is bipolar, it doesn't give the caregiver the right to abuse them! *!)
I think now that I'm in a safe place (with my lovely boyfriend and a generally peaceful life) more of the memories/physical panick come up. And the more I see how crazy and cruel that childhood was. I can't forgive it, really. As an adult person I would never put myself around a person like this and I would never knowingly leave a child in a custody of someone like that. But as a child it wasn't my choice to make.
I tried in my teens to do a lot of affirmations and sort of make myself forgive him. I really tried with all my heart. But because the damage was done, living my life I come across triggers that bring the pain, the panick and the nightmares back again and again.
My psychopathic father lives a comfortable life without any remorse and he never went to jail for what he did (I was not brave enough to go to the police, and my mother wanted to keep the dirt in the family and keep the outer appearances perfect).
I do not accept that that person avoided all the consequences and is doing just fine while I am in a prison of PTSD.
Quote from: Three Roses on June 18, 2017, 01:58:32 PM
Since CPTSD is caused from an injury or injuries, it is possible for the brain to be healed. What that will look like for each person will vary.
Lots of exciting discoveries are being made in the field of neuroplasticity.
Like you, tho, I wonder what that means for me. My exposure to trauma began before I was verbal. I guess for me, when I think of healing, I think of restoration or getting back to what I was meant to be, or as close as possible.
I've already experienced some healing and I do feel better. I am seeing a gestalt therapist and, while it doesn't address the injuries to my brain itself, it is helping me with all the confusing emotions.
You may be interested in reading "The Body Keeps The Score". The author goes into the why's and how's of traumatic injury as well as different successful therapies. Hope this helps.
Thank you for the book recommendation! I've ordered the "Complex PTSD" book that I saw in the recommendations assoon as I found this website, but I'll order this one too. Which one would you recommend to read first?
And thank you for talking about neuroplasticity. I'll look it up. Hopefully it's something that can make me believe that someone with cPTSD can actually heal. I have very little hope left at this point.
I'm not sure which other book you're referring to, but I read other books on CPTSD and did not get as much out of them as I did " The Body Keeps The Score", which is an overview of what happens to the brain as the result of trauma and different therapies that have proven successful in treating it. I say, follow your heart - trust your guts - you'll know which one to read first. ;)
Sara, I totally get you when you say you don't forgive. That is okay. I don't forgive either. What I try to do is accept, and by that I mean accept that how I feel is what I have to deal with now. Apart from abusers. This is my life and it's not about them. They are history for me. I'm sure that abusers know in their heart they abuse and that their life isn't easy as well.
I am glad that I did not turn into an abuser. I don't identify with them and never will. I just want my life back. The only way for me to do that is to accept that I am what I am, with PTSD or depression. It's not my fault what happened, I just try to live life on my terms now.
Hope this helps.
Lingurine
It's hard to not have a before. Life without PTSD I don't think ever existed. I remember having my first nightmare at age 10. By the time I was 11 I was suicidal. I have a hard time setting therapy goals because I don't know what is possible. What I do know is I do keep getting better. So maybe a cure isn't possible, but improvement is. I don't think I'll ever have what someone with a before might have, but I'll be so much more appreciative of any improvement. I won't look and think I am not like before. I will look and think I am better than I ever was.
Sometimes it seems like words can muck up the process. In this case maybe it's best to abandon or at least be careful of the cure word and just give it our best shot to live, and thrive, beyond the old story.
There's a certain danger, it seems, in defining a cure as needing certain universal characteristics ("You'll know you're cured when...and...if..."). While guidelines are probably good by themselves, they can boomerang if one or two of the traits said to be necessary for a cure aren't met. Then one can feel like a failure for not reaching the stated goal. But maybe they did, just in their own way.
While it won't be easy, perhaps just by doing one's best one will slip into a sort of cure and not even know it. Then, in retrospect, it might even seem that it felt better than the narrowly defined cure was supposed to be like.
Thrive. I like that word from woodsgnome's post. I think that is what we need to strive for. In my opinion, our experiences have most likely changed us from who we would have been without them but we can't go back and change the experiences. So the word "cure" is misleading. We will always be survivors and we can all be thrivers. I have found that gratitude is extremely helpful. Focusing on what is good in my world as opposed to what is not can really change your outlook. Try listing 5 things that you are thankful for each night before falling asleep. When I first started this, it was extremely difficult to come up with 5 things. I would think, I'm thankful that person smiled at me." Or " I'm thankful that I had enough money to buy toilet paper." Whatever little specific thing I could possibly come up with. Someone had challenged me to try this and I did experience massive change in my life. I now challenge you to give it a try. The key is to be thankful for specific, not general, things. Keep it up for a few months. It can't hurt so why not?, !
That being said, I do still have difficulty but the gratitude, and meds, keep it in check. So while a so called "cure" might not be feasible, I think we can focus on who we are right now and who we want to be.
I joined specifically to reply to this post. I strongly second the suggestion for The Body Keeps Score. I actually took notes during my read of it, and I have a lot.
I'll echo that we need to heal the brain, to get better. In fact, I "journalled" (much more impressive sounding than reality) to myself this morning that I need to focus on marginal improvement, not a whole revamp of 'Me', as my primary goal.
So cure? Perhaps 'remission' is a better goal!
Here's another book that I read just before 'Body Keeps Score' that is very good, a little less scientific/academic than Body: Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology, and How You Can Heal Nakazawa, Donna Jackson.
These books have helped me see that I can change my brain for the better.
Quote from: SueP on July 06, 2017, 04:02:36 PM
Try listing 5 things that you are thankful for each night before falling asleep. ..SNIP... I now challenge you to give it a try. The key is to be thankful for specific, not general, things. Keep it up for a few months. It can't hurt so why not?, !
I've started a gratitude journal - alas not every day, but with your very specific goal, I'm going to try for 5 a day!
Quote from: SaraCdx on June 18, 2017, 10:29:19 AM
But what exactly is "myself" if I had gotten CPTSD in through my childhood, through things that happenned ibn my formative years? My personality is a huge scar. There is no happy and healthy "myself" to get back to, because it never had a chance to develop.
I have the same feelings of hopelessness on a bad day, Sara.
I don't think there's an actual cure, and it wouldn't be quantifiable if there was one. The goal is to get to a point where we're happier with ourselves and can function most of the time. So we take small steps in educating ourselves and others around us, take note of what feels good and what feels bad.
We're all aiming for
better than now. The trick is to notice what works for you and what doesn't.
A lovely boyfriend and a generally peaceful life are good. And by the way, there's no point forgiving if people don't acknowledge what they've done, apologise, and demonstrate that they'll never do it again.
Hi Sara - your symptoms are your mind/body trying to resolve the trauma... healing is a natural drive and instinct.. I believe our conscious part in the process is to provide ourselves with the best environment and input to encourage and advance the process that is already underway. If it wasn't already underway, we would be feeling nothing. This helps me to accept my symptoms and not fight them, which slows it all down.
Too many ( so many!) therapists still see symptoms as a 'problem' rather than a part of the healing process and in their own paradoxical way, a good sign. Then they are dismissive and further wounding and missing the point altogether!!
I have moved beyond behaviours/symptoms of chronic eating disorder for several decades, long term depression, and self hatred.
I have had just a few hours of therapy, done the rest myself. Mostly by studying trauma and figuring stuff out, body work.
Most important ... the DESIRE to overcome.
Can be helpful to find your anger.... I use mine to motivate me in many ways.
Just want to encourage you.... yes, yes..... things can become SO MUCH BETTER.
Patience and paying attention to the smallest improvements.... and being KIND to yourself.... be all of the things that they never were, for yourself....
:hug:
Sara
The reality is exactly as you described it; what "myself" is there to get back to? My therapist told me straight up that I had no "myself" but rather as I recovered I would slowly discover who that self is.
Not all therapists are trained to treat CPTSD. I hear your pain around being invalidated by some you have seen. I can only encourage you to use google to track down relevant therapists close to you.
There is hope. My journey is one of recovery, slowly over several years after a lifetime of total chaos.
As others have said, be kind to yourself and be patient but also diligent in your efforts to recover.
In my experience, it is possible to "recover", and with recovery I mean being able to live an integrated life realizing my wildest dreams and contribute positively to my community. I still get triggered, and still process, but I am living the type of life I want to live. I am not sure "cure" is the best word for me personally in that I wonder sometimes if the depth of damage is so deep that some things may always exist. One learns to be creative and adjust and work with and around whatever challenges may exist in one's system. I think, for some, healing is a life work and one will be working at healing until they take their very last breath.
But what exactly is "myself" if I had gotten CPTSD in through my childhood, through things that happenned ibn my formative years? My personality is a huge scar. There is no happy and healthy "myself" to get back to, because it never had a chance to develop.
I've been through a lot of therapy and sometimes it helped for a while, sometimes it made me worse (dismissive therapists).
If my life is going to be this continuous struggle that eventually spirals back to pain every time, what kind of quality life is it? Is it even worth it?
[/quote]
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I also, like another reply I read (sory I cannot quote your name, don't know how) registered because your question sounded so familiar with my thoughts and history (therapy). My writing now and here is on the most becasue somehow I have to thank you, I do not have answers, I keep looking for them although I a am more close to just accept that "something was broken within" and won't be fixable cause there is no registry, I have none.
My story is long and probably very boring and I didn't reply to tell mine, I did to thank as I said before because, sometimes if not all of the times, not having a language for some thoughts is very despearing and painfull.
Also, the book "the mind keeps the score" I found it very informative and helpfull, hope you can get to it.
Sory for my lack of grammar or vocabullary, english is not my first language.
Wish you all a not so suffered, overwhelmed day to day
Santiago :hug:
Quote from: Santiago on August 15, 2017, 03:05:03 AM
I do not have answers, I keep looking for them although I a am more close to just accept that "something was broken within" and won't be fixable cause there is no registry, I have none.
Hello :heythere: and welcome to our forum, Santiago.
Even though it all happened before we got our eyes open, we never lose the power to connect to our True Selves. We get to create our own answers, listening to others who have walked a similar path, taking what feels right for us, finding more information ourselves, trying things out and so on.
Your True Self (or spirit) runs best on feelings. This feels good, that feels bad. Many of us were trained to choose
this feels bad, must be what I deserve. :roll: We got accustomed to feeling bad in childhood. That means
this feels good means we can expect to be punished in some way. Without reflection, we may decide it isn't worth it.
For me,
this feels good means walk this way. It's a very recent development and I like it. In this way we can find out Who We Are and what we enjoy. Instead of punishment I get reinforcement: Yes, this is good. This is Who I Am.
I'm still working on my response to
this feels bad. Why am I uncomfortable? What's the right action to take, and does
that feel good? Is it the right action for me, or is it the right action for someone else and I have to go along with it or I'll feel guilty and no one will love me? Will it hurt me in any way to do what this person wants? How will I feel about that? So that's a slower process but I believe I'll get better at it.
QuoteMy story is long and probably very boring and I didn't reply to tell mine,
You can tell yours, in bits if you like, whenever you're ready. I'm sure the main turning points are far from boring! :hug:
Quote from: Three Roses on August 15, 2017, 03:45:01 AM
Santiago :hug:
Thanks a lot, it reached me. I realise I need very much one of those.
I send another to you!
Quote from: Candid on August 18, 2017, 08:20:53 AM
Quote from: Santiago on August 15, 2017, 03:05:03 AM
I do not have answers, I keep looking for them although I a am more close to just accept that "something was broken within" and won't be fixable cause there is no registry, I have none.
Hello :heythere: and welcome to our forum, Santiago.
Even though it all happened before we got our eyes open, we never lose the power to connect to our True Selves. We get to create our own answers, listening to others who have walked a similar path, taking what feels right for us, finding more information ourselves, trying things out and so on.
Your True Self (or spirit) runs best on feelings. This feels good, that feels bad. Many of us were trained to choose this feels bad, must be what I deserve. :roll: We got accustomed to feeling bad in childhood. That means this feels good means we can expect to be punished in some way. Without reflection, we may decide it isn't worth it.
For me, this feels good means walk this way. It's a very recent development and I like it. In this way we can find out Who We Are and what we enjoy. Instead of punishment I get reinforcement: Yes, this is good. This is Who I Am.
I'm still working on my response to this feels bad. Why am I uncomfortable? What's the right action to take, and does that feel good? Is it the right action for me, or is it the right action for someone else and I have to go along with it or I'll feel guilty and no one will love me? Will it hurt me in any way to do what this person wants? How will I feel about that? So that's a slower process but I believe I'll get better at it.
QuoteMy story is long and probably very boring and I didn't reply to tell mine,
You can tell yours, in bits if you like, whenever you're ready. I'm sure the main turning points are far from boring! :hug:
Hi, thank you for the welcome and for sharing your thoughts, I read them carefully.
And also thanks for inviting me to tell my story, when I am not mixed up like this days I'll try.
Hug for you!
This makes a lot of sense to me. I was traumatized in the womb even, before I was born. So there's no "me" that's trauma free. No good memories to go back to, no "me" that could have grown up to be a different, trauma free person.
I believe c-ptsd can be greatly improved if conditions are right: being safe in the present, having support, 'etc... and even then it's hard work. I think of myself as a tortured person.
Also not forgiving makes sense to me too. I don't hate, I don't hold grudges or seek revenge but I don't forgive certain things that I feel are unforgivable. Extreme cruelty is unforgivable. Forgiving it would minimize and normalize what I have to endure and I won't do that. I'll have compassion but I won't forgive.
For me, the cure lies in standing up for myself. Believe my own feelings and validate them. Be my own best friend and don’t bother to much what other people think of me.
Just to trust myself with me.
Lingurine
Hi, EMDR plus psychotherapy has been my biggest help but god is it exhausting and hard work but I do believe I'll get there now. Have you looked into EMDR?
I struggle with the question almost daily. (I even tried to get a degree in philosophy so I could find out 'why'. Haha.. :fallingbricks: ) I still have no answer. I think each person's 'better's is different. If someone were to ask me if I am better now after 9 years in therapy, I would have to say better in some ways and worse in others. But I would also tell them that I am more knowledgeable and I understand a heck of a lot more. So, for me, I have to count that as a win. So, I think it personally just depends on how you think about it.
Melodie
I've come to slowly accept that the "myself" that I was, is not someone I want to go back to. That person (and still is I suppose) is vulnerable to being re-traumatized and abused because my boundaries are barely even there. So, instead of looking back to who I was, I want to create a Me that I believe in, and that I can trust. I've no idea what that looks like, but hopefully I'll find out.
As far as healing, I have heard of people healing from CPTSD. But I think, like with most injuries and chronic illnesses, that means re-adjustment. You have to find a new path to grow, a new path to live. A way to live with some of the symptoms.
Yes, it is possible to be "cured". But it's not going to be easy. First, you need to gain "security" in your environment. You need to be sure it's not possible to be retraumatized. I know it sound almost impossible, but maybe you can gain that sense of security without isolating yourself. Then, the dissociation will disappear. When that happens, you will be floaded with tons of hurted feelings and pain. You need to pass through that: you need to grieve! Finally, you have to confront the person or persons responsible for you C-PTSD. In my case, it will be my past classmates (and maybe also my parents), because: a) you need to give to your brain a sign that you're safe now by talking to them, but only when you feel you are prepared, and b) you need to know WHY that happened and make sure that WHY doesn't exist anymore. At least that's how I see it. Hope it helps!
I think there is a cure. I do not yet know what it is, but I know that I am significantly better now than I was when I first started seeing my new-ish T. And, I know that I am going to keep trying. I think too, that CPTSD is a relatively 'new' thing in the mental health world. PTSD only became a diagnosis in ~the 80s and CPTSD does not yet officially exist in the DSM as a diagnosis, so the ability for anyone to do research on treatments is severely limited (largely because there is a lack of funds to research CPTSD due to CPTSD not actually officially existing). The Spartan Life Coach once said something to the effect of 'there is a cure, even if I have to keep going until I am in my 80s, I will keep trying and will keep working with you (the viewers) to get there.' I am with him. Even if I am in my 80s, and have not yet gotten there, I will keep trying.
After that, I have had the 'how can I get to my before when I was an infant when the abuse started' discussion with my therapist. We came to the same conclusion as Obscure and Obscure's therapist - with childhood-originated CPTSD it is not so much a matter of getting back to who you were before the bad thing happened, because that is just not an option for us. Instead, it is a matter of figuring out who you are now. I am also working who I want to be and trying to move in that direction.
I think that this concern is yet another reason that we, as a community, need to have CPTSD recognized as a condition separate and distinct from PTSD. Hopefully, at some point, the decision makers will finally agree with us and with the experts, such as Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, on this issue.
Quote from: MelodieRose on October 14, 2017, 06:17:47 PM
If someone were to ask me if I am better now after 9 years in therapy, I would have to say better in some ways and worse in others. But I would also tell them that I am more knowledgeable and I understand a heck of a lot more.
Sounds very familiar, especially the "better in some ways and worse in others". My T's prognosis was: "things will get eas
ier but I'll always have some problems." He means more than the normal up and down problems of life that non CPTSD people have. I'm nearly at the end of my 3 years of trauma therapy and I agree with his prognosis. I won't be finished processing when my therapy ends. But I will be better able to do it on my own.
Quote from: BlancaLap on November 15, 2017, 01:29:50 PM
Finally, you have to confront the person or persons responsible for you C-PTSD. In my case, it will be my past classmates (and maybe also my parents), because: a) you need to give to your brain a sign that you're safe now by talking to them, but only when you feel you are prepared, and b) you need to know WHY that happened and make sure that WHY doesn't exist anymore.
BlancaLap, I don't agree that you have to or that you even should confront the person(s) responsible for your C-PTSD. It may be beneficial in some cases, maybe in your case, but not as a blanket rule, no. I've confronted before and the results were
disastrous! I keep wanting to confront again but also have to keep reminding myself that that is part of me that wants so badly to be understood by my parents. And this part will get hurt again if I go and confront. Because it's me alone against 5 other adults, some abusers, some enablers.
You can give your brain a sign in other ways e.g. by relaying the "I am safe" message to however many younger yous, e.g. by making sure you really are safe e.g. by going VLC to NC with FOO and extended FOO members who hurt you so badly before.
I wasn't talking about parents, caregivers, adults... I wss talking about classmates or people of your age that made you suffer...
Quote from: SaraCdx on June 18, 2017, 10:29:19 AM
Have you ever read or heard about an adult who had gotten cured of CPTSD?
When I read of PTSD that vets got after a tour in a warzone I often come across the "he wasn't himself afterwards".
But what exactly is "myself" if I had gotten CPTSD in through my childhood, through things that happenned ibn my formative years? My personality is a huge scar. There is no happy and healthy "myself" to get back to, because it never had a chance to develop.
I've been through a lot of therapy and sometimes it helped for a while, sometimes it made me worse (dismissive therapists).
If my life is going to be this continuous struggle that eventually spirals back to pain every time, what kind of quality life is it? Is it even worth it?
I'd like to believe that complex PTSD can be overcome and put behind us, or at least our symptoms can become manageable to the point where we can hold down jobs, apartments, take care of our families, be a part of a church, etc.
Quote from: Lingurine on June 18, 2017, 11:08:35 AM
Sara, this is almost a philosophycal question, to be or not to be. Finding meaning and purpose while suffering from PTSD is hard. When, in my life, everything spiralled down, the only way up for me was making art, through painting and using mixed media I found new meaning. This question you ask still pops into my head every once and a while. Disturbing? Yes. Insurmountable? No.
For me it's all about acceptance.
You nailed it Sara! Nothing can change without first being accepted, its the key to the kingdom. The truth that finished my acceptance process is that CPTSD is only a blessing, it has only helps us become the caring and capable people that we are today. Takes everyone their own amount of time to get there, but we HAVE to always be willing: Can I? Will I? I Must!"
Lingurine
I think we're all on different journeys toward healing--some of us choose EMDR, others CBT, etc. Some of choose a combination of treatments. Some of us choose self-treatment and avoid therapy and therapists. I can only speak for my own experience and understanding of healing. I'm certainly not "healed" and doubt I ever will be totally, but I know that I've worked hard and am a much, much, much healthier, more whole person.
I've been in long-term psychoanalysis--looking more deeply into the unconscious processes. As I understand it, when the trauma occurs so early in life, the personality disassociates. More accurately, it simply never "associates." Picture pieces of a puzzle strewn across a table. Each piece is a part of you, but none of them is linked to another. We live as those separate pieces. Sometimes our "scared child" piece is leading the show. Other times it's the "empathetic child," or whatever. Through therapy, I've been able to consolidate those pieces into a more whole me. When my personality was more fragmented, if I was one piece, I could not see or acknowledge the other pieces. I was that piece and only that piece. So, when I was triggered and devastated by something I went straight to suicidality because there was no more to me, nothing to fall back on--all was bad.
The other part of therapy that has been helpful is practicing relationship. Childhood-onset CPTSD is in part an attachment disorder. Pete Walker describes CPTSD in part as a number of arrests in natural child development. We're robbed of experiences necessary to develop the way a healthy child would. It makes sense then that part of healing is finally getting those developmental needs met. For me, that took a safe relationship and lots of practice. As my therapist pointed out recently, for many years she was not even a real person to me. Through much practice whereby I tested her over and over and she over and over proved herself to be trustworthy and safe, I began healing.
I'm not explaining this very well. I hope you get the gist of what I'm saying. Maybe I'll try it again later.
I underatand perfectly what you are trying to say, but let me disagree in one thing: I believe you CAN be cured completely, just like simple PTSD. I saw it, I can't explain it but I saw it, the end of this journey... more than saw I felt it. At least the C-PTSD generated by my school bullying. I'm sure I also have C-PTSD because of the abuse in my house, but that's another story.
Quote from: CanidA lovely boyfriend and a generally peaceful life are good. And by the way, there's no point forgiving if people
don't acknowledge what they've done, apologise, and demonstrate that they'll never do it again.
I really agree with this, I spent so long forgiving, forgiving, forgiving and wondering why the pain never got better. I always felt I had a moral duty to forgive, or else I would be as bad as them - FOO used this and would emotionally/spiritually blackmail me into forgiving them by making apologies that had as much integrity, remorse and care as a rock. They never meant a word of it, and I could
feel it - but they had said the words, so how could I argue that somehow the apology wasn't an apology? I think I could muster a case for it now, but certainly not then.
Pete Walker talks about the unhelpful effects that come from too-early forgiveness that is given before processing and grieving has taken place... that really helped me to feel validated and justified in not forgiving the unbelievably cruel things FOO did. I think early forgiving can sometimes be another way of fawning or avoiding the pain, a way of going into denial. It was like that for me at least.
As for whether or not there is a cure, I think as Blueberry said, there will always be problems that people without CPTSD don't experience, but that doesn't mean we can't experience a happier, healthier life. To poorly paraphrase something my one good FOO-member read recently, CPTSD isn't a sentence to a non-life, it's a valid life, just with an uneven bumpy rocky road. We can all slowly recover who we really are, and learn to thrive - not all at once, in every area at once, without any cloudy days or wind or rain, but we can get there. One step at a time, with a lot of self-compassion and acceptance - things that many of us were denied when we should have been given them by others. :) We can get there. We can thrive. We just need to accept the times when we don't without crushing down on ourselves, as hard as that can be.