Hi there,
This is my first post. I recently discovered that I have had Cptsd after what I now know to be a severe regression episode. My hope is that by joining I can make some connections with people that understand what it is like to live with cptsd, because life just seems a little bit harder for me and no one seems to get that. I am usually in a constant state of worry that I will upset someone, say the wrong thing, offend someone, mess up, you know the drill. I developed this in my childhood and the abuse continues to this day. My abuse came in the form of an emotionally and verbally abusive, sexually inappropriate, neglectful alcoholic, narc father, a depressed, but also violent and manipulative probably BPD mother, and a severely mentally ill sister who did sinister things such as stab me, try to drown me, made my life a living * basically and to this day still tries to manipulate me. I emerged from a den of monsters. I carry the pain around still and it creeps into my life in the most unexpected ways. My close friends just don't understand why I am so sensitive and just can't seem to get over certain things. They know my family is "effed" up but they didn't live it, so they can't comprehend. They can't comprehend why every year when we (my husband and kids) get our Christmas tree it sends me into a panic. Or when a friend who "ghosted" me shows up for a visit (not to see me) and I am a crying mess for an entire weekend. They emotional abandonment lives close to the surface. Its exhausting. I do have hope though that now I have found a name for this I can begin to do the healing word. Thanks for listening and for allowing me to share.
Welcome to the club, Susie24. Especially the part about not wanting to upset or offend or makes mistakes. We with cptsd are constantly trying to avoid/sidestep more trauma. Having a name for what happened is really empowering, I have found. Sharing our experience is too. I think there are probably more of us raised by BP mothers than the mental health profession realizes. It's difficult but this community is here to help.
Thank you for your kind words.. so not used to kind words... or validation at all. I'm looking forward to finally healing these wounds.
Hello Susie!
I just wanted to pop by and say welcome to the forum! :heythere:
I hope that you'll find this a place where you can continue your journey of healing. :)