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CPTSD and Others => Our Relationships with Others => Family of Origin (FOO) => Topic started by: LilyITV on October 10, 2018, 03:53:19 PM

Title: Need help finding post on "angering".
Post by: LilyITV on October 10, 2018, 03:53:19 PM
I have felt myself becoming really angry when talking to my father lately.  I moved away years ago and our relationship is no longer the toxic parent/child I endured during childhood and young adulthood.  I am able to establish boundaries with him and I push back whenever I feel like he is not talking with me respectfully or I disagree with him.

But since I've started therapy, I've felt myself feeling really angry at him even when he's not exhibiting any toxic behavior.  I am pretty sure my dad is not a narcissist and that his parenting of me was because he himself was a traumatized child and was parenting me the same way he had been parented.  Growing up I believed my dad was all powerful and all knowing but now I see that show of strength was false.  He is actually very insecure and fearful.   I understand why the abuse happened but I still feel so angry at him at time for what I endured and all that I lost and the long struggle I am facing to recover from it. 

I remember reading a post or sticky on this site somewhere discussing the concept of "angering" at your abuser.  I skimmed it quickly, but I recall reading about an idea that an integral part of recovering from C-PTSD is to be able to get angry at your abuser--but not at the actual person but at the abuse itself??  I remember that the point of getting angry at the abuse rather than the person is that if you try to direct it at the person, feelings of pity and/or love may get in the way of the anger.

Does anyone know where I could find this post, or otherwise have any thoughts on this topic???
Title: Re: Need help finding post on "angering".
Post by: LilyITV on October 10, 2018, 05:17:35 PM
Just found the post!  I was having some problems searching today for some reason.

I'd still like to hear others' thoughts and experiences dealing with anger toward an abuser. 
Title: Re: Need help finding post on "angering".
Post by: Three Roses on October 10, 2018, 06:29:15 PM
Is this the same one you just found? http://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=381.0
Title: Re: Need help finding post on "angering".
Post by: LilyITV on October 10, 2018, 06:45:00 PM
Yes, that's the one!