It never stops surprising me how good people with trauma histories are at looking normal to the outside world. If you asked anyone they would say Im doing great, Im that person if anything happened everyone would say how surprised they are. I have no contact with a therapist or the mh service, i dont see my gp about mh issues. I go to uni, im not a top student but I do ok i volunteer an stuff but under it all im a mess. I have no family no friends no one who knows me, no one has ever even been to my house. If im not st uni i often go days without talking to any one. I am constantly tortured by memories feel low and alone.
Kez (hope it's okay that I shortened your name), I'm sorry to hear how alone you feel. Like you, I think most people would be surprised to find how depressed I am. I hide it well. I learned how to do that by receiving messages from others - body language, rejection, minimization, etc - after sharing. I would bet that it's the same for you. :hug:
When I am tortured by memories that won't go away, it's an indication for me that I may be in an emotional flashback (EF). Do you think it could be that for you, too?
Hello kezkel101,
I do not know what journey you are on but find it interesting that you and I have both chosen the word journey. My recover journal here is more long winded but my blog is simply (my first name)'s journey.
I have spent, up until I was 48yrs old, maintaining the outer appearance of someone who has got it all together.
I read a book once, perfectly pitched to me, it had lots of beautiful photographs and few words. It was the story of an (Australian) Aboriginee taking a white man to a particular location - the final beautiful photo in the book and on the opposite page the largest amount of text in the book. In which the white man complained about how the aboriginee had wasted the white mans time getting there. The aboriginee's reply, "Sometimes life is more about the journey than the destination."
Looking forward to hearing more about your journey.