Two weeks ago I was subtly threatened that if I continue to lose wight I need to go into the hospital. So I did the okay, okay, I'll do better. I think for a week I did. Then I went back last week and the threats changed to a more supportive discussion. I said I did better last week and she said she doesn't want it better for a week she wants better all the time. She also said that the place I am currently being treated cannot give me what I need. They don't treat eating disorders. So I am considering it.
I think my real problem is drinking. I have lost some weight, but I am not horribly underweight, slightly. Yet, I drink usually close to a 4 glasses of wine in the evening. I know I am drinking most of my calories. If I stop drinking my weight would drop significantly. Still, I don't feel thin enough to go. I don't want to be the person that doesn't belong. I know my weight isn't critical at all. I am barely underweight, not alarmingly so. I know I've lost weight this month but for a short two weeks I cut back on drinking and that was when it dropped.
As I write this the decision seems clear. But, I don't want to go, and if I do go I don't want to feel out of place. I was in a trauma unit for two months early last year. Going in and out of the hospital is no way to live, but neither is the way I am. There is also a part of me that is mad. I wish I didn't have these struggles. I look at people who don't have these problems and I know the difference is trauma. So I'm mad, mad because of what happened continues to impact my life.
I've been inpatient fairly often. There used to come a point when I realised I'd be better off in than out. Supporting you however you decide.
I understand your anger too.
Supporting you, whatever you decide. It's your life and your body.
You said,
QuoteI don't feel thin enough to go. I don't want to be the person that doesn't belong.
But it seems to me it's less of a number issue (weight) and more of a health issue. But then I am not diagnosed with an eating disorder so please forgive me if I'm off base.
sweet dee,
if you want to chat, please pm me. it sounds like there's more going on here than meets the eye. i'm with the rest, tho - i totally support whatever decision you make. i also get your anger - i feel it, too. sending love and a hug full of clarity to you.
Sending along my support for whatever you decide Dee :hug:
Sending my support as well Dee. :grouphug:
Thanks everyone.
I am told the number is insignificant. That is isn't about a number. It is about being healthy and out of the prison. The focus I have on the number is an indicator of the problem. The idea that I think I am too big to go is also an indicator.
I think I have decided to go, at least for the moment (until I change my mind again). I am totally approved right now, I could go tomorrow. My insurance has approved it and the facility. If I wait more than 14 days I have to do the approval all over again. I don't think that it is a big deal though and I am not critical. I have a friend that is suppose to be coming the 17th to the 28th. I don't want to disappoint her. I know money is tight and she bought plane tickets. I am also suppose to see my son for 3 days at Christmas.
Sending love, Dee.
:hug:
I just wanted to give you an update. I am going inpatient on the 5th. It is a 45-60 day program. I am hoping that this helps with long term change and success.
All the best Dee! :hug:
Take care Dee :hug:
I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines. :cheer:
Wishing you all the best, Dee.
Hope :)
Thank you all for the support and well wishes!
with you all the way, dee. love and hugs.
Hi Dee, sorry I've only just seen the post, but I wanted to wish you all the best, strangely I was thinking about you earlier and hoping you were doing ok. Please let us know how you get on.
Wish you all the best! And hope this will calm the storm a bit!
I've been thinking of you. Hope you are doing well! ♥️
:heythere:
Me too Dee,
Hope you are doing well
Back and healthy!
:cheer: And it's good to see you again!
:cheer: welcome back! :cheer: