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CPTSD and Others => Our Relationships with Others => Dating; Marriage/Divorce; In-Laws => Topic started by: Sceal on February 07, 2019, 05:44:14 PM

Title: Considering dating (TW)
Post by: Sceal on February 07, 2019, 05:44:14 PM
I am considering starting to date again this year. I say again, but truth is I've never dated.  My first relationship was sexually abusive and I never unlearned or recovered from that.

I would like to not be alone, but I dread physical contact. I don't understand how people who have suffered SA and R Are able to learn to like,/enjoy/love sex again, how can I do this?
Title: Re: Considering dating (TW)
Post by: Blueberry on February 07, 2019, 08:35:04 PM
I don't know either Sceal. I'm now good with physical contact so long as there's nothing sexual about it, in fact I've been pretty good with that for a long time. I once asked a CSA survivor in one of my numerous inpatient stays how she managed to have a boyfriend. She said that he didn't touch her, that's how.

I've never dated either. I'm even frightened of the word, of the concept.

I hope there are others on here who can give you more helpful information.
Title: Re: Considering dating (TW)
Post by: Sceal on February 07, 2019, 08:57:13 PM
I don't think I would be lucky to meet a man who would be satisfied with only cuddles and  never really getting any sex.

I can do hugs and pat on the shoulder and nudging and such - by the right people. Sometimes I really really need a hug or someone to just hold me or my hand, but I can't ask anyone for those things. So they rarely happen.

But for the future, how can I go on dates with people knowing I can't give them intimacy on that level? Wouldn't that be the definition of "stringing them along"? I don't want to do that.

I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.
Title: Re: Considering dating (TW)
Post by: Lillian on May 12, 2019, 06:12:24 AM
I'm not sure if this will help you, but it helped me, so it might.
I remember telling a therapist years ago that I felt really angry any time a man got turned on. I would never tell them, but I struggled with it and would try to avoid sex or somehow change the subject. She told me that this was based on a fear I had of him (him = any man) having more power than me. I was afraid to be vulnerable. Once I had this realization, I was able to let it go.
I mean, you probably already know this, but I hope it helps anyway.