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Treatment, Self-Help & Recovery => Self-Help & Recovery => Successes, Progress? => Topic started by: Elphanigh on March 20, 2019, 03:56:48 PM

Title: No longer qualify
Post by: Elphanigh on March 20, 2019, 03:56:48 PM
I have been unsure about whether to post this celebration or not but I feel like I can. I realize that this celebration doesn't mean that I don't have a place here, it just means I am healing.

I found out this week I no longer meet the criteria for the Cptsd diagnosis. My t does not even believe I fit the criteria for the Ptsd diagnosis anymore. I will find out about that one on Monday (little nervous if I am honest). Technically though I no longer have Cptsd. I have small symptoms and such but everything is so minor and not affecting my daily life enough for it to be considered something that is diagnosable anymore.

I had conflicting thoughts about posting this because I didn't want to feel like I didn't have a place here or a healing family anymore. I realized though that all of you would celebrate this with me and that is part of the beauty of this place. I can still heal here even if I don't have a diagnosis, and can celebrate healing so much and finding out it is truly possible.  :hug:

Title: Re: No longer qualify
Post by: Blueberry on March 20, 2019, 05:59:09 PM
 :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: Way to go!

Says a lot about your hard work!
Title: Re: No longer qualify
Post by: Kizzie on March 20, 2019, 06:19:05 PM
Of course you should post about this Elph! It's lovely to hear b/c we care about you, but it also gives us hope.   :yes:

You will always be welcome here.  :grouphug:

Title: Re: No longer qualify
Post by: woodsgnome on March 20, 2019, 06:31:24 PM
First, please accept congrats for climbing this far  :applause:

While the diagnostic changes bode well, your growth in self-realization has served as a beacon for those of us sharing this rough road with you. We're all at different stages and, speaking for myself, find encouragement, inspiration, and strength in your having posted so eloquently (good, bad, ugly, beautiful) about your slow but steady progress to this next crossroads.

So in that sense, your presence here remains a shining example of what can also happen, besides all the bad vibes we all share parts of with you. As you noted, the healing continues. And that somehow we can all believe there's still this --  :sunny: , visible just down the road.
Title: Re: No longer qualify
Post by: Elphanigh on March 20, 2019, 07:01:32 PM
Thank you all!  :cheer: :cheer: I am so excited to see that hard work paying off. I thas been a truly intense and very intentional couple years of healing. I honestly am in awe looking at how much has changed. When my T told me I looked at it, and realized just how little my symptoms affect me now. I realized how long I go between flashbacks/nightmares/panic attacks etc.. and how much different my day to day life is from when I started to dive in this deep. I am grateful I can celebrate that here with people that care and understand this being such a giant deal.

Kizzie, I really appreciate you confirming I will always have a place here. This has become such a wonderful community and one I love so deeply.  It is reassuring to the part of me that was not sure about sharing fully. It will let me share how Monday goes as well. The idea I could not even have PTSD anymore is crazy to me. I could have been diagnosed with it before I was 10, so it is beyond anything I could have ever thought of happening in my life.

Woodsgnome, I am glad I could be encouraging to anyone  :hug: It is an amazing thing to be able to share my experience (the good, bad, ugly, and beautiful as you put it) I am grateful to share this road with you. Thank you for such kind words about me being a shining example, I never really thought of myself as such. It is really nice to have this kind of confirmation of my progress. Healing will always continue though, it is just really nice to know it is possible to see the lowering of symptoms to this extent.
Title: Re: No longer qualify
Post by: Contessa on March 23, 2019, 11:14:14 AM
I just checked in and saw this. Wonderful news Elph. Your progress is real hope. Good news is always worth sharing.
 :hug:
Title: Re: No longer qualify
Post by: Rainagain on March 24, 2019, 01:34:08 AM
This is such great news, brings me a little hope for myself too so it's good news for everyone.

I'd say you are very much needed on here, it's all about trying to recover and your success is important.

Shows me it can be done, I wasnt sure it could be.
Title: Re: No longer qualify
Post by: LilyITV on March 25, 2019, 06:33:44 PM
Congratulations!  You are a source of inspiration and hope for us all!  At times I feel stuck and like I'll never fully rejoin the human race.  Seeing your great progress shows me that there is hope and to keep on with the hard work. 
Title: Re: No longer qualify
Post by: Elphanigh on March 25, 2019, 07:21:21 PM
Thank you all. I am so grateful that this could be a source of hope for people. I had hoped it would be but was unsure. I have my session with my T tonight and will take the assessments for ptsd tonight as well. Will find out. I do find I am a little nervous but also recognize it is just a number and just a label. My healing is truly going so far and I feel that improvement so no matter that number I am glad to say progress is being truly made
Title: Re: No longer qualify
Post by: Elphanigh on March 26, 2019, 03:46:06 PM
Update after my session:

I no longer qualify for depression at all, which is a really cool realization. For PTSD I do still meet the criteria but just barely. There is one criteria (out of 4) that I do not meet at all, and otherwise everything else is really far down. I will do it again before I leave my current T in a few months. Lots of progress and I know there will be even more in the weeks to come.
Title: Re: No longer qualify
Post by: Blueberry on March 26, 2019, 04:32:55 PM
 :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:
Title: Re: No longer qualify
Post by: Elphanigh on March 26, 2019, 05:09:39 PM
Thank you Blueberry  ;D I honestly don't feel like I can celebrate the positivity and progress as much as I should today. I do realize I need to not be "shoulding" myself so it is okay I am not as celebratory today as I would like to be.
Title: Re: No longer qualify
Post by: Blueberry on March 26, 2019, 09:30:41 PM
Sorry if that was a bit over the top. I can modify my post and tone it down for you if you like? 

Yes, "Shoulds" are never good for me, maybe not for you either though only you can know for sure. I don't want to be prescriptive.
Title: Re: No longer qualify
Post by: Elphanigh on March 26, 2019, 09:40:02 PM
Blueberry, no need to tone it down at all. I really appreciate the positivity and it reminds me that it is okay to celebrate these things. I think I have just been sleepy today and busy doing the left over processing after my session. Shoulds are never good for me either, so I completely understand.

I posted more fully in my journal about this, but I do find another reason to celebrate. It is what I was processing today and finding myself working through. I think why I could not fully celebrate the progress last night. I have realized I have the choice to pause and live life a little more. That moving in two months and starting my new adventure means I can choose to pause for a bit. I have worked so hard for several years focusing completely on healing, which in turn sacrificed a lot of other things in my life. I am glad I made that choice and am grateful for all that I have accomplished because I chose that way. Now though I am in such a better space in my life. I realize I can choose to move to school and focus on that part of my life. I can back off of the intense healing and allow myself to more fully reap the benefits of this work. I am where stepping back would allow me to live life more fully than I hav eever had the chance to.

I know healing will always happen, and can always be done.. but I think maybe jsut maybe I deserve to pause and enjoy life a little. I am nearly 25 (next week) and I have spent most of my 20s dedicated to healing and finding healthy. I am stable and in a space where the future holds so much for me. Maybe I deserve to not be digging all of this up.. Maybe I deserve to get to live a little bit of life and allow myself to rest this part of me for a while. It is not that I intend to ignore that part of my life, but that it does not have to be my main focus.

I can choose to pause a bit in my healing and restart some of my life. I can live more fully for a little while. I think that I might deserve that in my life. At least for a little while.

It is a lot to realize and process. Honestly very emotional for me as it is a freeing realization and a choice I never thought I would have the freedom to make.
Title: Re: No longer qualify
Post by: Blueberry on March 26, 2019, 10:06:06 PM
I think maybe jsut maybe I deserve to pause and enjoy life a little. .. Maybe I deserve to not be digging all of this up.. Maybe I deserve to get to live a little bit of life and allow myself to rest this part of me for a while. It is not that I intend to ignore that part of my life, but that it does not have to be my main focus.

I can choose to pause a bit in my healing and restart some of my life. I can live more fully for a little while. I think that I might deserve that in my life. At least for a little while.

Totally! With you all the way on that.  :hug:
Title: Re: No longer qualify
Post by: Elphanigh on March 26, 2019, 10:34:59 PM
It is really validating to hear that  :hug: ;D I am worried as I have never talked to anyone about taking that step away before. It is something I truly never imagined
Title: Re: No longer qualify
Post by: Blueberry on March 27, 2019, 11:30:31 AM
I've taken steps away before too. If I hadn't then I'd have been working on myself non-stop since about 1990. Now, if you get a T who says it's time you took a break, as I have had, I'd be careful of that, but if you feel it yourself and in addition like you it's that you want to live a little, then as I said "Totally! With you all the way on that."                   

I think stepping away for a while just to live is part of healing too. ime when I stepped away and just lived, I was integrating my new-found healing into as much of my being as possible. I was making tentative little healthy paths into main roads in my brain, for example. Also finding out what still needed addressing sometime in T.

btw I also echo Kizzie from way up thread in saying that of course you are still welcome here! 
Title: Re: No longer qualify
Post by: Elphanigh on March 27, 2019, 02:14:21 PM
Blueberry that is super validating, thank you  :hug: :hug:  I do feel like stepping away would integrate so much stuff. It would be nice to get the chance to do that and just live a little.

I am even more glad to hear you confirm I do still have a place here. This is a safe space and I certainly never want to lose that  :grouphug:
Title: Re: No longer qualify
Post by: LilyITV on April 05, 2019, 04:02:51 PM
Elphanigh, one thing I've been wondering about....I've been undergoing therapy for a few months now and I'm seeing progress, but sometimes I feel concerned that it all feels so mechanical.  It doesn't come naturally to me.   I have to think about what emotions I'm feeling.  I have to think about whether I'm having a flashback.  I have to use DEARMAN whenever I need to ask someone for something.  Being aware of my inner and outer critics.
 Think about whether I'm responding to my emotions or reacting, etc, etc. etc.   

Have you gotten to the point where all of this comes more naturally to you or do you still have to put in a lot of energy thinking it all through?
Title: Re: No longer qualify
Post by: Elphanigh on April 05, 2019, 07:36:58 PM
That is a great question. I felt very mechanical and honestly really struggled with it like that for a long time. I do find that now it comes more naturally. I am aware of my feelings almost automatically most of the time, and it is a reflex to take a moment to assess what I am feeling if I am not sure. Being aware becomes a reflex when practiced I think.

That being said, it is not always perfect.. not ever close. I don't want to say I have arrived by any means, but it does really seem to get more natural and easier. For me, it happened gradually and I did not really notice it until my therapist or safe people would mention the change to me.

Hope that helps.
Title: Re: No longer qualify
Post by: LilyITV on April 11, 2019, 02:59:47 PM
Thanks!  Seems practice makes perfect.  It's very encouraging that even though you don't think you are completely "there" that you have progressed enough where things are feeling more natural.
Title: Re: No longer qualify
Post by: Elphanigh on April 11, 2019, 03:10:09 PM
I am glad that is encouraging!  :hug: I am not sure I will ever feel like I am "there". Maybe that is possible, but I think it is always possible to heal or grow more, especially with all that I have been through. I don't know though, maybe there will be a moment where I am just "there"? Not sure if it exists or not but if it ever does I will certainly write about it. For now celebrating what progress I do make.