Hi! I'm wondering if there's people here with experience with working as a teacher ore another working position in the school system.
I'm in my early 20's, and are now working as an assistant in school (temporary job). I'm exhausted even after 2 weeks vacation, and think I'm gonna quit the following week. The ironic thing is that I really want to be a teacher some day. I love working with students, and they have given me motivation to work for several months. But now I can't take it anymore. It's not really the students that are the challenge. Of course it's hard working with people no matter what. But the teachers in the school it's what I dread the most. I can't handle one more day with the teachers yelling at the student in a unecesarry unfair way. I think I'm struggling with emotional flashbacks. I'm no matter what higly sensitive and easy triggered these days, last month actually.
I want to study to become a teacher. My hope is that while I'm studying, I can heal better, scince I can then focus more on myself and my learning rather than constantly beeing there for others and feeling powerless in my position as an assistant. I hope I one day will cope better with my cptsd and be more able to work with people.
Any thoughts about this? Is there anyone who handles being a teacher with cptsd and how?
Someone whos quit because of it, and what was your challenges in the profession?
Quote from: Shearwater on April 21, 2019, 08:27:02 PM
My hope is that while I'm studying, I can heal better, scince I can then focus more on myself and my learning rather than constantly beeing there for others and feeling powerless in my position as an assistant. I hope I one day will cope better with my cptsd and be more able to work with people.
I have 2 university degrees and I had emotional crises in both, where I could barely study for a semester or more. In one degree I passed the courses that semester anyway, in the other degree I had to repeat some exams and get special permission to take the repeats a semester apart in order not to overwhelm me. I had constant brain fog, I could hardly organise an essay never mind a research paper.
I didn't do a degree in education, but I have taught classes at community college and in companies. I had a lot of difficulty and eventually I collapsed basically, then did a fair bit of healing, tried again, collapsed again etc. I have since given up and teach one-on-one only. I was unable to lead the class. You have to be able to exude an air of "I'm the boss here and I'm not putting up with any garbage". Authority is the word I'm looking for, assertiveness probably too. I have been told that when you are lacking those kind of characteristics children and teenagers will run circles round you even more than adults do. Same thing if you tend to dissociate a lot - children pick up on your 'absence' and run riot.
There are mbrs on here who do teach successfully so maybe they'll respond here and give you a different view. I think whether or not teaching might work for you will depend on how your cptsd pans out exactly. We all share some symptoms or even many symptoms, but not all. You're hoping to be healed before you actually start teaching, however. I think there are some younger mbrs here who have come far along in healing very quickly (e.g. a couple of years) so that might be your case too.
Thank you for your response Blueberry! It's good to read someone's experience with this. Education is hard, and I forget sometimes.
I start to realize that I will never fully heal. I've had symptoms and different kind of depressions for 9 years. Some periods have been good and suddenly I'm down again. I actually startet at university 4-5 years ago to become a teacher. But could only bear one semester. I knew I wouldn't pass the next semester if I continued. Back then I didn't know about CPTSD, and didn't fully understand what I was struggling with. I also had a lot of flashbacks, nightmares, and stressful thoughts etc. And yes the fog. It was hard for me to read and learn.
Now I have the right to facilitated education, so that might help. I also function better theoretecly. I took one exam last fall to improve a grade, and did very well. So I guess that's what gave me hope, that I might be more able to study again. One-on-one teaching is a possibility I keep in mind, and I can also take special pedagogy in the degree I'm planning to start.
But I also wonder if my hope to become a teacher is more of a coping mechanism to keep on. That it's easy to think that I will make it, when I maybe should lower my expectations. I feel so unpredictable :blink: I can be really productive sometimes, and suddenly paralysed by my symptoms. Mostly it's my emotions that I struggling with. I cope better with my anxiety now than before. I can't be a teacher with these mood swings I experience now. So I need to manage handling them at some point. I think I have a atypical depression that will end. But I also realize that this won't be my last depression.
Right now I'm mostly sad about having to quit my job this week. It's a loss :'( and at the same time it will be a relief.
Quote from: Shearwater on April 22, 2019, 09:00:35 AM
Right now I'm mostly sad about having to quit my job this week. It's a loss :'( and at the same time it will be a relief.
Been there before a few times myself. Standing with you.
Thank you, Blueberry!
Shearwater-
I am one of the teachers on this site to whom Blueberry is likely referring. It has been a journey for me, and one worth taking. I had no Idea of my cptsd when I first began teaching, but the start was rough due to mistreatment against me by another staff member. Still, I persevered and learned many things about how to assert myself within the classroom setting. About 17 years in, my Mom passed away and the full fledged cptsd hit me. It was hard, as I was frequently triggered by student drama and had weak boundaries. At about the same time, I was mistreated by management and nearly quit. But I haven't quit, and the lessons I have learned and healing I have done have made me an excellent teacher. I am more compassionate toward the pain others feel than I ever knew I could be and yet I am seldom triggered by their pain these days.
So, I cannot say whether this is type of journey is for you. I don't know whether or not my story is helpful to you. But if teaching is your calling and you have a strong desire to withstand some possibly difficult struggles, I say go for it.
Thanks for your respons Jdog!
I need that kind of stories. I've wanted to become a teacher since I was 10. For a period I gave up on that dream thinking I was better fit for something else. But teaching is wat I really want. Think I will regret if I don't try. And I can also use my education in another way if teaching in classroom will be to hard for me.
Hope it's ok if I ask you some questions Jdog.. Have you ever had to leave work for a period because of CPTSD? And do you work 100%?
I'm happy to correspond with you on the topic. No, I never had to leave work for more than a day or so due to cptsd, and I had a wonderful therapist who coached and helped me stay focused upon my strengths. She is still available to me via email. Yes, I work full time.....which for a teacher, can sometimes mean some pretty long days, especially when you are a new teacher. Today, I have both a student teacher and a co teacher who take some of the burden from me. I am the one who designs most lessons and is ultimately in charge of seeing that our lessons go as expected and that we have an orderly classroom environment, but not being the only adult in a classroom of teenagers is a huge gift.
I'm glad to know that you are so enthusiastic about teaching. It is tremendously rewarding most days. I am currently helping a young lady who is a senior complete her senior project. She took my class as a sophomore and although we always had a good relationship she failed the class along with most of the other classes. She had to leave the school and go to another school where she could rapidly catch up on her credits. She was successful and last year, before returning to her regular classes, she spoke to each of my classes about the mistakes she had made and how she hoped that other students would stay more focused on their studies and not get involved in drinking and drugs. She credited me with always believing in her and told the students that I only want what is best for them.
Stuff like that helps me know that even when my job is tough and even when I become frustrated with my job and the politics of teaching, I am making a difference.
So wonderful too read this, Jdog. I'm glad to hear that this is possible even with the struggles that comes with CPTSD. Even if I might can't handle a fulltime job as a teacher. It's good to know, that it's possible for someone.
How nice to make such a huge different to someone's life. :yourock:
Wish you the very best!
Thanks, Shearwater. I wish you the very best also.
I do not know your entire story but can relate. I have always wanted to teach but was afraid of my emotional state. 2 years ago I decided I needed to do it for me and am now in my last semester of classes. I am both very excited and nervous about student teaching. When I see a troubled youth or read a certain book I have to stop and try and control my emotions. I don't know how it will work but I must try. I must succeed. For myself. For my family. I am trying to take control instead of it controlling me.
I hope that you will find a comfort zone within your future career and can have a wonderful adventure. The need for new teachers is very great and you do sound determined.
I wish you the very best in your career and in your continued healing from cptsd.
Dear Shearwater
I second Jdog's approach for you to consider becoming a teacher if it is really something you feel is for you!! :thumbup:
To be aware that there will be challenges you will face. Like in any job but with CPTSD there are certain things that require the right support in place I have found. :grouphug:
I teach at a university, which being in a part time role has given me the needed emotional space to do this. So my hat goes off to full time teachers. Although I would take a full time position if offered as I do love my job and working with students!
As I've found that benefits from the very challenges of working as a teacher with CPTSD have provided me with the very rewards that I had not envisaged. Particularly standing in front of large groups of students has helped me overcome a lot of related inner/outer critic stuff and has helped me exponentially with confidence issues. This in turn has helped me overcome feelings of helplessness related to what many people struggle with in CPTSD.
To give you a realistic picture, this has not been without having to push through floods of tears on the street before giving lectures! and dreadful spirals of anxiety, shame and self doubt! :'( But this has all diminished over the years with practice to almost zero, as I have worked through a lot of CPTSD related issues. Plus with the support of my T, here, and through other sources.
I think as you have asked about how you would cope here, it shows you are already putting support in place and asking for it! If it helps, having the right support in place has been vital I have found. Also for me in recognising that I need support. Which I have worked on with my T over the years, and in developing back the trust in authority figures from damage in my FOO and to now ask for advice, particularly from my boss where I teach. This has been a vital learning curve, and a valuable relationship I have developed!
As (like jdog) the most challenging aspect I have had to face has also been in having weak boundaries, which as a result I have unfortunately attracted some unsavory colleagues and awful behavior directed towards me. :stars: Which has been really distressing. and the reason I have wanted to leave many times. But I have kept going, which with my T help I've been able to work through things, and developed healthier boundaries, and ways of coping. In this sense, ironically this has really helped me fast track strengthening myself!
So over the last five years I've been trying to un-attract the wrong type of behaviors. Which I am pleased to say things have got much better.
My strength as a teacher again like jdog is that I have a deep sense of empathy for students also. A lot seem to come to me because I am a good listener and validate them as individuals! In a system which seems to value group identity over individual sovereignty! Which is really confusing for them at this age.
The subject area I teach in luckily I am also able to incorporate research and theories relating to creativity, trauma and therapy which comes out of what I struggle with and CPTSD issues and research. So my job has helped me look at things which are important to me and which I have turned into positives. My bosses also seem to value that I have an authentic and genuine approach in an environment which really is mostly competitive, where the values of care are not truly at the forefront in peoples interactions. I have learnt to find those that are kind, authentic, and feel like they care! This simply helps develop meaningful relationships
So I wish you and Zeekoctane all the best with your journies!!! & would be delighted to share more with you if it helps!
Best Wishes
Dear Yipeee
This is a late response, but I want to thank you for your reply. And thanks to everyone who has giving me honest answers and hope. I have now started my education to become a teacher. It has been a very good experience so far. A lot of tears and disbelief in if I've made the right decision in the beginning, but now I'm pretty certant that I will make it to the end. I love everything I learn and look forward to the next semester. It helps to read about how other people cope with cptsd, it makes me feel less alone and gives me strength to find my way of coping. :grouphug:
Support is the most important help I have found. I would never have made it without all the understanding and help from my T. I'm almost constant processing my childhood, how I felt and what it did to me. My biggest problem in this education I've been told, is my confidence issues. All the self critic makes it very hard for me too teach and fokus in the classroom. I hope and believe it will be easier with the time.
Shearwater-
I am so glad you are getting support as you continue your path toward becoming an educator. Best wishes to you and happy holidays.
I'm jumping in late here - just joined the forum last week - but I'm also a teacher. I'm not teaching at the moment while I work on my master's (I know my limits), but teaching and furthering my own education have actually spurred a lot of self healing and growth for me. As others mentioned, teaching requires good boundaries and empathy, both with students and faculty/administration. There are now a lot of great resources about social emotional learning and trauma-informed practices that support our work. I feel that we, who have CPTSD (especially from childhood), actually make the best teachers because we understand where the kids are coming from. We don't see behaviors as defiant, but rather as a cry for help because that's what they were for us, too. We don't see kids as bad, but rather as coming from bad situations. This can make a huge difference in their lives.
I've taught pre-K all the way through college. The education system isn't designed to produce emotionally healthy adults, so we can't expect our colleagues to be on board with character development because it's not on a standardized test. Plus, you can't teach what you don't know, and that goes for emotional skills, too.
It's really hard to work with people who are emotionally abusive to the students, and they're surprisingly common. I had one colleague who openly said she wanted to be able to hit her students, like in "the good old days." Luckily, when you've learned the tools to set boundaries and stand for them, you also gain tools to stand up for your students in productive ways. Learning about nonviolent communication has helped a lot, both with students and those I work with. We, as survivors of abuse and neglect, do have an advantage because, when we deal with our own stuff, we end up becoming pretty mature, emotionally stable people. Students, especially children, really need that. (As a side note, I found the most warm, caring colleagues while teaching preschool, but that was just my own experience.)
I've had to do tons of work on myself, and I'm not even close to done. But I was led to this career as part of my healing, and it's been invaluable to my journey. You can't be a great teacher and an emotionally unwell, stunted person. I'm going to be a great teacher, and I think that you will, too. :cheer:
Sunny
Dear Shearwater,
You are welcome, and no worries re the reply time, its good to hear how you have been finding things! I am so pleased for you that you are enjoying your course, and that you are getting the support you need from your T and working through things. How this is helping you cope with all the new challenges!
Wish you well with your next semester! I was just going to write something about confidence and focus, (as I can relate), but thought I'd ask you instead: Of what your thoughts are on what comes first out of those two things? Be interested to see what you think from your experiences, as I was just thinking about how they maybe inter-related..
Wishing you a Happy New Year!
Sunflower_Rising, thank you for your reply. It's wery interesting to read, and I can relate to a lot of what you are telling. This education helped me a lot in my healing process. I agree that there isn't much focus on emotionelly growth in the education system. But I have noticed in my education today that there is a much better focus on how to treat children with respect. Giving the children/youth a chance to cooperate instead of demanding them to listen at once. While working in school I noticed that the children easely got the blame for what went wrong in the classroom, in my education I learn that it's the teachers responsibility. To read about how the children should be treated when they don't cooperate has helped me understand what I didn't get when I was a child and struggled to do everything that was expected of me.
I also feel that working with my CPTSD can be a big resource to become a teacher that show the pupils emotionelly support. " You can't teach what you haven't thought" is so true, and is probably why there is a big lack of emotionelly support in the school system and in my own childhood. I feel like it should be so much more information in how to handle emotions everywhere. If everyone could get a chance to understand this I think the world would be a better place..
Yipeee
What I think of confidence and focus is that since my confidence is very low I get very nervous being so visible as I am when I teach. I have always been better in theory than In practice. I need a lot of time to figure things out and be confident with it, before I can show it or teach others. I noticed that when I have thought in class in something that I'm really good at and have confidence in, my focus easely goes to the pupils, how they learn and what they need. When I feel very insecure in what I'm doing all my focus is on me, how I behave, and what others think of me. This can make a bad lesson even worse because I easely get stressed and full of anxiety, and then sadly I have no chance of giving the students what they need.
I don't have a lot of good experience in my teaching but I know that I've made it sometimes and that I probably will get more of the good experience as I will learn more, and get a chance to try teaching some weeks every semester.
Did I understand your question right?
I really want to see what you think of it, how confidence and focus maybe inter-related?