My Community

Development of CPTSD in Childhood => Causes => General Discussion => Topic started by: suffersilence on October 31, 2019, 05:49:03 AM

Title: therapy.......
Post by: suffersilence on October 31, 2019, 05:49:03 AM
Hey folks,

I just fired my therapist. I was disappointed with how she dealt with me and my frustration. so I decided not to see her anymore.  Have anyone done that, or should I just continue to see her.  Originally she is not the first one, as I went through 4 already. two was excellent, the recent two were bad.

the excellent therapists, I had to stop as the price were too high for me to afford, and the other one, she change careers and no longer is available.

also, Im curious, how long does it take to work out your psychological issues, because recently, I was informed that they will set up a period of 8 sessions, then reassess and see how that happens. does that mean they expect me to fully recover after 8 sessions?

How do I recover a lifetime of abuse, from foo, and constant self sabotaging that continue up to now, and also constant work triggers and my experiencing ptsd after finally leaving my work.  In one case, walked out of my job, couldn't work for a year, with my continually seeing a therapist, then finally I was ready to find another job. Even with that new job, i was a wreck but managed to hold myself together, and keep working.

Anyway, I hope I didn't say too much, or say something wrong.

My question, is that has anyone fired their therapist, and looked for another one. how do you determine a good therapist, and how do you afford a therapist considering most therapist tend to charge an exorbiant amount of money.

Just wondering, as I am tired of struggling.

Title: Re: therapy.......
Post by: Patticake on October 31, 2019, 02:43:21 PM
 Hi SIS - :wave:

     Firing a T can be a big deal. Starting over with a new one is exhausting, time consuming , and, sometimes, futile.  Tís can only do so much for us. Even well trained ones. I made the mistake of thinking therapy would be the answer to all my problems. I soon realized I needed to research CPTSD recovery on my own. After about 2 years, therapy overwhelmed me and was expensive so I just stopped going.I learned as much as I could from my T.  This ďgoing it aloneĒ approach has itís ups & downs, but, overall, Iím doing better. There is so much information available now for healing from CPTSD. I tap into it daily.

As for how long it will take to work out your psychological issues with a T, is the $64M question. Also, a set number of sessions is usually defined by your insurance company. Your insurance coverage has limits.

Iím sorry you have the headache of searching for a new T, but your persistence will pay off, Iím sure. I donít regret seeing a T for a while. I just knew when, for
me, it was time to stop.

You didnít say anything wrong or say too much. I am really glad you posted. It is always courageous to do so & your post will help others on this forum.  Thank you for posting.

Fondly..... :hug:
Title: Re: therapy.......
Post by: Three Roses on October 31, 2019, 04:57:13 PM
I made the mistake of thinking therapy would be the answer to all my problems. I soon realized I needed to research CPTSD recovery on my own.

I agree 100% here. Talk therapy has its place, and can be very helpful, but does nothing to teach you how to access your amygdala where triggers are born and reacted to. Talk therapy can help with how to think about yourself and others after the fact.

My HMO also limits the number of sessions to eight - but it's not that it necessarily ends there, it's just that after eight sessions they'll do a reassessment to see if the patient has reached the goals that the therapist and patient agree to pursue.

At this stage of my life and after finding an abysmal lack of understanding of how to address the after effects of trauma in my own case, I've decided to forgo further talk therapy. I will continue to ask for other tools/help, such as transcranial magnetic stimulation (which is available to me but would involve travel), or somatic therapy, or other types of therapy that don't just deal with my thoughts. After over 30 years of working on myself I don't need more help with that. What I do need is healing from trauma on a physical level.

This forum gives me all the support I need and takes the place of talk therapy for me. It's actually more helpful to me than any talk therapy I've had in the past.
Title: Re: therapy.......
Post by: Gromit on October 31, 2019, 06:58:13 PM
Well done SS for firing your therapist, that is hard IMO I have only done it once.

I suppose I had my most effective therapy when I was training to be a counsellor, they stipulated personal therapy with one of their approved therapists for at least 2 years. No idea how it worked but it improved my immune system, although it was difficult and I was glad to leave it and the course.

Luckily there are local charities that provide cheaper therapy here, but that can be hit and miss, I stayed too long with one, didn't realise until near the end that it actually triggered me and caused nightmares but I was only just starting to discover C-PTSD and this forum.

I do find help from peers to be some of the best, either here or via ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics or other dysfunctional families, mine being dysfunctional).

I can tell you why I fired the last T I tried. Whenever I got close to tears, expressing emotion, she changed the subject, moved on. One thing I do a lot at ACA meetings is cry, express grief, it is important to feel, rather than suppress IMO, I am soooo good at suppressing.

I think a good T will help you to look at what you feel, without shaming you. I had one who triggered me by expecting me to be excited about holidays and stuff. But she did help me to end the recurring nightmares, although she also triggered nightmares.

I am not sure one T will ever meet the bill precisely, you may just find one that meets a couple of needs and have to find someone else for the next stage. We evolve, so do they, if they have any sense.

I hope that helps somewhat.
Title: Re: therapy.......
Post by: woodsgnome on October 31, 2019, 07:57:15 PM
After a couple of very short jabs at therapeutic help early, it didn't seem right and I held back for a number of reasons (one having read a book called "Against Therapy", so go figure  :bigwink:).

Yet my unsettled inner life persisted, big time. Operating under a false presumption that I needed 'spiritual' counseling, I consulted someone who listed that as a specialty of her practice. Right off the bat, she recognized that the spiritual I talked about was only an avoidance of the real mess I was. All of my symptoms pointed towards what she knew as multiple ptsd. Unfortunately, she soon left the area and I wandered back to my self-study form of therapy, as it were.

Then I tried therapy again. The T's I ran into ran the gamut from bored clock-watchers to over-the-top academics enthralled with the wonders of their own grandiose theories (but limited if one could see through their mask). A couple others were good chit-chatters but the idea of dealing with truly deep trauma obviously bothered them (and I wondered what on earth they were doing as 'therapists').

Having left the last of these a few years back, I was still feeling abysmal and hopeless about the crippling remnants of trauma still rattling every aspect of my life. This time I tried to probe more effectively upfront as to any prospective T's honest approach, especially with regard to trauma treatment. Meanwhile, I kept up my own research, but I still felt the lack of a validating, supportive, and skilled T might be able to keep my perspective and ease the extreme loneliness (granted, sometimes my preference to social involvement).

Well, I found one who fit exactly what I needed. Someone personable, sincere, knowledgeable, and not hung up on herself. I feel I've turned a major corner with her approach, while not being totally dependant on her either.

As to finances, it's been better as I'm finally old enough to qualify for better coverage rates. Although there was some pressure from the financial wizards after a few sessions, she said she'd handle it as she saw I needed the help. So via her persistence that hurdle was cleared. But of course that kind of thing can veer all over depending on the coverage source.

Finally, though, as my T readily points out, no therapy is ever truly effective unless the client is part and parcel of the process. It's my therapy, not hers. Both of us understand that, and for me it's a key element to the positive vibes I've gotten from this therapist. It also hasn't been easy, so her patience has also been a huge factor.

Therapy isn't for everyone, probably. And though I've been around a bit, it seems there's all kinds of personal factors involved. Sometimes I think therapy is more art form than scientific, or at least a combo. What I know for sure is there's no magic wand guaranteed to work. Sad but true.

I hope you can find someone with whom you can feel compatible. Considering my own circumstances, I'd be worse off without a safe and trustworthy T.
Title: Re: therapy.......
Post by: suffersilence on November 01, 2019, 03:57:48 AM
Thanks all. 

The hardest part about T is moving on, as my recent T was trying to tell me to move on. its time to let go . but I've noticed that as I attempt to "move on" something would trigger my trauma or physical reaction, and its back to square one.

I know you folks aren't therapists or whatnot. but do you have a hard time moving on, getting past the old trauma and how to not allow the new trauma or present situation trigger or push your buttons?

I think also my being deaf may contribute a bit to my ptsd because I tend to stay in a job far longer than necessary and typically suffer in silence for too long. Because usually when I try to find a job, I encounter discrimination frequently, so when I do get a job, I typically stay in that job for years, even if its a bad job because its hard enough trying to find a job.

anyway.  triggers, moving on, having people push your buttons, having physical reaction that over react just because someone got mat at you.  Those all are my struggles.

Glad I found this place, Hope this would contribute a bit to my feeling safe, and eventual recovery.

Title: Re: therapy.......
Post by: Gromit on November 01, 2019, 03:54:18 PM
Dear SS, I don't think it is possible to 'let go' until you have fully processed whatever it is someone is telling you to let go of.

I have also been told to 'let go' to 'move on' by people like my foo, who clearly haven't let go, or moved on or they wouldn't treat me in the way that they do. It seems to me to come from people who want you to behave differently to the way you are behaving, it is for their benefit, not yours.

I have noticed that I have let go of some things, but it has taken time, processing, it is not something that happens immediately.

CPTSD is such a thing, a reaction to things which happened, maybe many years ago, I didn't have nightmares about my foo home until I had children of my own, that was probably what made it rise to the surface. How could I do anything about that until it did?

I did have other symptoms like poor immunity which I assumed was just me until it improved with therapy. But I could not 'let go' of that without the right help.

Title: Re: therapy.......
Post by: Three Roses on November 01, 2019, 05:13:34 PM
Yes, like Gromit, I only started having awareness of my trauma when my children reached certain ages, the same ages where I'd had sort of "milestone incidents" myself.

Letting go and moving on are definitely different than dealing effectively with issues, which certainly won't cease to exist just by stuffing them in your mental basement. The only way to truly let go is to bring them up for examination in the light of day. Best wishes to you!
Title: Re: therapy.......
Post by: sanmagic7 on November 02, 2019, 02:00:30 PM
hey, sis,

i am a therapist, and i've fired therapists along the way.  it's a difficult decision, but when it's not right for you, it's not right.  and, also, anyone who tells you to 'let go' or 'move on' is not trauma-informed - this stuff grabs us and doesn't let go of us, not the other way around.  we're not the ones hanging onto it - we'd do most anything to be able to 'let go'.  so, yeah, just the idea of trying to let go without processing and resolving issues can be triggering in itself.  it's happened to me many, many times.

i'm in the process of interviewing a new one this coming week.  i haven't had one therapist who has actually helped me therapeutically in more that 30 yrs., and some have harmed me.  still, i believe that with the right person, a lot of healing can take place.  the one i'm going to be talking to is EMDR trained, so i'm hoping that can make a bigger difference rather than simply talk therapy.

even without a t, belonging to this forum, getting help, advice, and support from the people here have gone a long way to my staying sane.  i hope you find that's so for you as well.   sending love and a hug filled w/ hope and peace. :hug: