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Treatment, Self-Help & Recovery => Treatment => General Discussion => Topic started by: Dyess on April 05, 2015, 12:50:38 AM

Title: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on April 05, 2015, 12:50:38 AM
This is my first f2f counselor and it is much harder than the online counseling was. Doesn't help that she's very smart and in tune with my responses and non verbal responses. It would be hard to pull something over on her I expect. But is she ready for all I am going to dump on her? It's so much and so hard to talk about that I write it down and we go over it in the session, if we can. It's frustrating when we get side tracked and don't finish the list though.
I wonder what the breaking point would be where a counselor couldn't help someone? When they throw their hands up in the air and say I can't help you anymore.  I don't think I could go over this stuff again with someone.
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Sandals on April 05, 2015, 01:15:18 AM
First of all, good for you for taking this big step.  :thumbup:

Second, I know it's hard, but trust...trust that she will be able to handle this, trust that if you don't get through the list it's still perfect just how it is, trust that it's a good thing that you don't feel you can hide. Being seen is soooo important to this process, as is being heard. It may be uncomfortable to start with, but it will bring you so much healing.

And finally, time. It will take time to get it all out there, time to truly see your progress (instead of the seesawing that tends to happen) and time to heal. You sound so committed and ready for all of this, I'm excited for you!
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on April 05, 2015, 02:32:41 AM
I so want to move on and get my life back. So I'm going to throw it all out there to her and see what happens. I'm tired of carrying this burden on my shoulders, the burden is not mine to carry. Thanks for the encouragement. This last list was particularly hard because I seem to be giving her things in layers, getting closer to the core. That's for my protection and hers, to not over whelm her. I'm pretty sure that if this doesn't work out that I will not try again. So if you have any pointers to share to make this counseling more prone to success please share.
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Sandals on April 05, 2015, 02:41:27 AM
I get it in terms of wanting a safeguard while this relationship is forming. I think that's totally normal. :hug:

The layers - yes, I hear you! I call it my onion.  :bigwink:  Also normal. And when I say normal, it's not meant to be dismissive to your individual feelings...of course, every situation is unique...I just don't want you to feel alone in experiencing these things.

Success is such a hard word to define when it comes to therapy. I feel like I've had great moments of breakthrough and attachment. And also not-so-great moments when I completely withdraw and push away. If I had to define what makes things feel progressive, I would say the following are key (for me, anyways): 1. Vulnerable honesty; being willing to put yourself out there even when it might not feel safe. 2. Dedication; taking away what you've learned in session and working on it outside of session. 3. Breaking down & building up; kind of a combo of 1 & 2, but recognizing that all sessions are not always about making you feel better. You will feel like you are breaking down at some points - but these are not break-downs, they're break-throughs. You need to go through the pain to heal. It's hard, hard work, but so worthwhile.  :hug:
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on April 05, 2015, 03:00:14 AM
Wow, that made a knot in my stomach. This is especially scary not knowing what is going to happen in counselling. Will I say the right thing, or the wrong thing, too much info, not enough info. What if I break down at the end and can't stop crying am I going to have to walk through that lobby like that? On one hand I so hope this works out but on the other hand I need to be realistic and know it may not be what I was expecting, or even worse it not help at all.  There's so much to fear in the unknown. Thanks for the input though.
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Sandals on April 05, 2015, 03:04:56 AM
Don't worry about being right/wrong. Whatever happens is meant to be and perfect as it is. Please trust me on this. :hug: It will all work itself through.

And from a place of vulnerability, I envy you the worry of crying - I still can't do that yet. Please consider it a gift, as the release that comes with is is precious. :hug:
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on April 05, 2015, 03:19:17 AM
Well the crying could plan it's time of showing up a little better. I don't cry as much as I used and I really hate for someone to see me cry and have been told it's a sign of weakness.
Do you know when the PTSD started? I guess it turned into C-PTSD when it re-energized the memories of the past? Will one trauma start PTSD?
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Sandals on April 05, 2015, 03:29:33 AM
Crying is not a sign of weakness, at all. It's a sign of the heart's healthiness and processing all of the emotional inputs. It's something I find beautiful. <3

Those are good questions about c/ptsd. I think it's different for everyone, but have read and heard that there can be a triggering event that breaks through those old, avoidant habits that were our survival tools as children.

Mine is clearly defined: when I discovered my ex was cheating on me (a year ago today), finding out there was so much more to it than that, and the culmination of it all when he called 911 and tried to have me arrested for assault (he was asked to leave instead). Everything else I had normalized and repressed until that point.

Despite all of the nastiness, it has really been a gift. An awakening. Now I am aware and can focus on healing. And build a better life for my children.

Even in pain there is purpose. :hug:
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on April 05, 2015, 03:40:53 AM
So you think your PTSD started a little over a year ago? And I'm sorry for your husbands behavior. You seem to be a very nice person, it was his loss for sure.  Do you have to have past trauma to have PTSD? I'm still a little unsure on when it starts, how would you know? Can children have PTSD? See I told you I was the curious one :) One forum I was in many years ago threatened to get me this jacket that some man wore on tv that had these question marks all over it :)
During this time I think I should have gone to counseling earlier...but there was no need to. My past had been dealt with and put away, so I thought. No reason to see a shrink at that point. Plus if I had gone to counseling it my have jeopardized my job. So I guess I'm pretty lucky that at 55 I'm seeing my first f2f counselor. Though I'm old enough to be her mother :)
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Anamiame on April 05, 2015, 05:07:32 AM
What if I break down at the end and can't stop crying am I going to have to walk through that lobby like that?

AGAIN...BWAAA HAAAA HAAA HAA!  I just said that to my T on Thursday and have said it ongoing to her since...well forever.  That though creeps me out. 

Here's my advice...FWIW...   :-)  Tell her.  Show her your posts.  You say it perfectly.  If she can't handle you, you give her an out BEFORE you get hurt.  If she can...you will know (from your professional training) by her body language if she can handle you.  If she can, it will scare the living daylights out of you.  Promise.  Don't run. 

Plus, I'm not going anywhere...you are way too much FUN...so you aren't alone anymore. 

 :hug:
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on April 05, 2015, 05:32:01 AM
Amy that is strange, but funny :)
Well I go see her Monday, in the morning, against my better judgment , I'm not a morning person. She better hope I haven had my coffee and that I remembered to dress. Having a half naked 55 yoa woman on your couch would certainly make her
rethink about agreeing to "see me" in the morning hours. Maybe I will sleep in my clothes.
My list this time is pretty deep, so this may be the make or break appointment. Guess we will see. I some how think she can handle it, but I might be wrong. You just never know about counselors, right Amy? :)
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Anamiame on April 05, 2015, 05:39:00 PM
ROFL, what an image!!!  I always have a mental list and then berate myself afterwords for forgetting most of it.   :doh:  It's just frustrating.  NOT a morning person at all.  I think I saw her once at 8:30AM.  I don't remember it, but I'm sure it wasn't a pretty picture.  I'm not very nice prior to my first sip of morning java.  I must be a god...because they say that coffee is 'the liquid of the gods.'  JK
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on April 05, 2015, 11:26:32 PM
Already getting knotted up about my appointment in the morning. Geesh. Need to recheck my list to make sure that what's on there is something she needs to know or not. Then email it to her so she can read it before our session. Last session I gave her the notes late in the session, timing didn't seem right to do it before, so she didn't get to look at them before I left. This system seems to work out for us, I'm not as chatty in session as I am here. I know...hard to believe :)
What would be some good questions to ask her? I tend to ask the ones no one can really answer, truthfully. What do I need to know at this point? It's been about 18 mos since Dad committed suicide. That's when all this started, I think. It seems so blurry now and like so long ago. Any suggestions on questions for her?

Oh look! I've jumped to a Jr. Member thinking of the song *Moving on up*

Don't think about that too much it's one of those songs that gets stuck in your head.
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on April 06, 2015, 05:11:42 PM
Well had my counselor appointment today. She thinks I am over thinking this too much and that my "investigating" may be causing more harm than good. So I have agreed to stop looking for ways to get better, or at least cut down. Stopping would be totally against my core being :) Also, that I need to trust her to make this work. Hmmmmm....well.....maybe I can trust her enough to try the things she suggests. I'm not really a warm and fuzzy, huggy person. I keep most people at arms length and that seems to work for me. Lessens the pain and disappointment with people.
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Sandals on April 07, 2015, 12:25:33 AM
Trust and time, Trace. :hug:  You'll get there.

How was the rest of your appointment?
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on April 07, 2015, 02:42:47 AM
Well she was pretty overwhelmed with my questions I had written down for her. She tried to explain the answers but it was taking so much of our time up. She  didn't get very far down the list. I hope she reads the rest of the stuff and we can discuss it later. One questions she said she could do a whole lecture on :( Really didn't want all that....a simple, short answer works best for me. She's not so sure my original goal is my goal now. She said this was because of the topics we discuss and what I bring up in sessions. So we will investigate more later. She hand wrote some directions down for me and I have read them over and over again. Funny how something written by someone else, over rides my own will power to say forget it, I'm going to do what I want to do. It's not comfortable someone else having that power. But all in all I think it went okay. My head is just spinning, as usual, from the session.
Thanks for asking though.
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on April 07, 2015, 05:32:31 PM
Are control and trust the same thing when you  talk about therapy? Do you have to give a 100% of either, or both, to make it work?
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Anamiame on April 07, 2015, 06:02:41 PM
Not exactly the same thing.  I think you have to trust before you can allow them to have control.  For example, Cheryl wanted to revisit the issue that had me such a mess last Thursday.  Before, the door would be shut hard and NO WAY I would allow her to have control over that.  I could have easily done that yesterday--it was my choice.  So even though I ultimate DO have control, I allowed her to be directive and trust that she knew what was best for me. 

Last night I thought long and hard about that.  Really, it's the same issue over and over and over--me wanting to run when it gets so painful.  Just shut down and move on.  But I can't do that anymore.

I was somewhat 'shut down' yesterday but was not resistant and tried really hard to do the work.  It just wasn't happening yesterday no matter how hard we tried. 

So, the question last night, in thinking (and feeling) about all of it, as much as I hate it, I knew what I had to do.  I realized then, that subconsciously, I know what I'm so afraid of.  I know what's coming and it's terrifying and I don't want to.  But I have to and I can't do it alone...I need her help...and I hate that even more. 

So if I didn't trust her, I could not get to the point I'm at now.  And, yeah, she does have control in our sessions...given willingly to her by me. 
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Sandals on April 07, 2015, 06:36:01 PM
Very well said, Anamiame.

Every now & again, my T reminds me that "the pain is in the resistance." Resistance to feeling the feelings, resistance in taking the next steps, etc. And they are very hard to do...painful in and of themselves...but in the long run, it's harder on me to stay stuck. And to get out of that "stuck" I do trust her to be doing the very best thing on what is next.

My T will never push me to do something I say I'm not ready for. But even when I'm being stubborn ;)  I eventually come around. It took a long time for me to say those words, "Will you help me?" but I'm so glad I did.
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on April 07, 2015, 07:50:15 PM
I feel like I'm being very compliant with the T, things just are not moving fast enough for me. I would do what she would tell or ask me to do....if she would just tell me what to do :) And her though that maybe my main goal has changed....does that even happen? Maybe digging around you find that there's something else as your goal?
Like I said in an earlier post it kind of surprises me that the written note over rides my decision to say forget it, I'm going to do what I want to do about researching this stuff. I've taped it to the banister before coming upstairs I see it and it reminds me of what I am suppose to be doing.
Has anyone tried Hypnosis as a treatment option?
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on April 13, 2015, 07:17:58 PM
It's been a long week. I have tried to be compliant and not do so much research or investigating on CPTSD. But this has been very depressing for me to do. I understand why she wanted this because too much information can be mind boggling and interfere with the healing process. Also may appear that I don't have faith in her abilities . So I have an appointment with her tomorrow and we will discuss this I more detail. She feels like we have not made the progress that we should have at this point *sigh*
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on April 19, 2015, 03:09:59 AM
A long as I can remember I've had issues with death, it terrified me and it didn't matter who it was, though a relative I would cry so much I would almost pass out. Maybe that was from when I witnessed my grandfather's death, by falling down some steps, in front of me. Isn't odd that my choice in careers had so much death in them?
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Widdiful Falling on April 22, 2015, 06:56:57 AM
I've always had issues with death, too. I think it stems from my fear of abandonment. I understood what loss was too well, and at too young of an age. Every time a song would come on that dealt with death, I would cry, and I would sob uncontrollably every time my M told me she would die eventually.

Did you view your issues as a weakness? I know I sure did, and in an effort to become stronger, I surrounded myself in death and the macabre.
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on April 22, 2015, 07:14:17 AM
<<I surrounded myself in death and the macabre >> Has this helped you? Or caused you more pain? If it helps that's great, I'm around death a lot in my career now and before. It was easier to deal with a death of a stranger, but still hurt.

<<Did you view your issues as a weakness? >> No, not as a weakness. More like a wound that will not heal.

Glad to see someone is awake in this forum besides me.
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Widdiful Falling on April 22, 2015, 07:53:34 PM
<<I surrounded myself in death and the macabre >> Has this helped you? Or caused you more pain? If it helps that's great, I'm around death a lot in my career now and before. It was easier to deal with a death of a stranger, but still hurt.

<<Did you view your issues as a weakness? >> No, not as a weakness. More like a wound that will not heal.

Glad to see someone is awake in this forum besides me.

I'd say it helped short-term. I learned how to dissociate from things that pained me emotionally very well. But long-term, it has certainly hurt. I feel dead inside more time than I feel alive. I think this is because I distanced myself from what I felt so often it became an automatic response.
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on April 23, 2015, 12:21:10 AM
Geesh that appt was back on April 6th , really don't remember much more of it. Since then she has brought up that I may have avoidance issues and that what we were originally working on may not be the core issue. So there's a lot of figuring out to do. I'm trying to trust her but with my insurance being in jeopardy that may put an end to seeing this therapist. They have no sliding scale for non insured and though I know her time is valuable.......not as valuable as her company thinks :) I've been looking for other therapist close by, that work with trauma/ PTSD , that work on a sliding scale. Have found no counselors that claim to work on C-PTSD, I wonder why, lack of training in this area?  So I'm trying to trust her but in the back of my mine I don't want to get too close and then have to leave. I can already tell it would bother me to have to leave and start all over again with someone. You think she could send her notes to another therapist, so it would be like starting over for me?
Thanks for your responses.
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on May 21, 2015, 06:31:40 AM
Since I last posted here I have broken off with the T. Sent her a letter, never heard back from her. I have found another one close to where I live, she has answered most questions correctly, but so did the other one. I just can't pick up that phone and call her. In fact I am getting more and more settled into the house and not wanting to leave, or talk with anyone and it feels okay. You would think a person who was so social would miss that connection and I don't.
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Widdiful Falling on May 21, 2015, 07:15:44 AM
Sometimes you need a break from people. It happens. Isolating yourself completely is usually a bad move, though. Why can't you pick up the phone? Are you okay?
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: keepfighting on May 21, 2015, 02:58:43 PM
Hi, Trace,

sending you a huge hug  :bighug:.

Why exactly have you broken up with her? I didn't catch that...

Do you think it would be a good idea to start a thread in which we can discuss how to find a good (read: capable of warmth and empathy) t? - Maybe a thread where we can all share red flags/green flags of good/bad Ts, something like that? (Since my t moved to another city I also have to look for a new one and am very interested...)

Hope you're doing ok and not getting too isolated. We're all here for you and we care.  :hug:
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on May 22, 2015, 06:52:31 AM
WF- Just can't justify making that phone call. Am I okay? I really don't know how to answer that, I don't remember what life was when it was okay.

KF- My T said that she thought I wasn't ready for counseling and wanted me to take a break. This threw me into a tail spin since I have been all but begging for some direction in what to do from here to get better. Gave her typed out pages about my life so she would have a sense of where I was at. She gave me one worksheet to fill out, and that was just recently, I really feel like we made no progress. She was very nice, I just don't think she knew what to do with me and the magnitude of my traumas. Which I wish she had been honest about it and I could have searched for someone who could better help, if there is help. I'm still out on the presumption that everyone is "fixable"
So there's this other T here in town that I may go see. She claims to have worked with many PTSD and Trauma related cases.

So if I can get my head into seeing another T I will have to make an appt.

I'm tired and have stopped all the anti depressants, they seemed to drag my energy down more.
I will being seeing a Psychiatrist at the VA in July. It doesn't change for Vets, all this talk about making appointment times better for Vets is a bunch of crap. Society has really crapped on the people that were willing to give it all to protect their freedoms.

A friend sent me an email and we were discussing a past job she had and it was a trigger for me. Made me feel angry for several days, not angry with her, angry at the memory. Further more I had typed out an explanation of why that email caused such a response in case she asked about it. It was draining typing it out. She never asked what was the trigger in the email so I dropped it.

I don't know enough about T's to tell which are good and which are bad, I didn't know we had a treatment plan until I read about it and asked her. She never showed me one, but said we were a little behind on it. Has anyone here ever seen their treatment plan? Are you suppose to know what the plan is?

From Dec. to the of April I think we should have made some kind of progress, or am I expecting too much?
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on May 29, 2015, 04:05:18 AM
The echo in this thread is astounding
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Kizzie on June 11, 2015, 08:47:35 PM
I wonder if not being happy with a particular T is a sign of progress? I just posted something in another thread about not always knowing what I wanted or needed in the past, but knowing more the more I recover.  And I hear in your posts that you do need and want more than what you have been getting. 

I worked with a T who was experienced with trauma, PTSD in particular and I made progress but at the same time I didn't feel like he really got the complexity of CPTSD.  We moved so now I am looking for another T and this time I will keep looking until I find someone who "feels just right" as Goldilocks said  ;D   I trust my gut and I don't have money or time to waste.
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on June 22, 2015, 01:33:54 AM
I hope you have found a new T. I found another one and have seen her once but she seems to be very in tune with what I need. She even called me out on a dissociative episode. Not in a bad way, but until now no one has mentioned noticing that I go on a mental journey while talking to them. I didn't even know I was doing it and she asked me "are you still with me?" It kind of caught me off guard, I said "yes" she said "are you sure?" and I said "yes", but I wasn't there at all. It was like pulling myself back in the moment and my "self" and I didn't want to come. I stood up, adjusted my seating and we continued talking. She asked what I was thinking about and I told her I had no idea what she had been talking about for the past few minutes. She said "I thought so." No one has ever called me out on this, and I know I do it. But I thought it was only something I recognized, afterwards, and that there was no physical clue as to my mental traveling that would draw attention to it. I guess we will see how this one turns out. I'm not going to offer all the info I did with the other T. Just answer her questions is the plan :)
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on June 25, 2015, 03:07:59 AM
Part of me wants to trust this counselor, but at a distance. How much do you have to trust to have a therapeutic relationship? My track record with counselors is not very good. I really wonder if any of them can be trusted to guide you in a healing direction.
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Kizzie on June 25, 2015, 04:42:56 PM
The whole trust thing is problematic I know.  When I read Pete Walker's book the thing that jumped right out at me was that he is so on the side of his patients, and that he wants an authentic and genuine connection with them, a relationship that is healing.  That's what I want for me.  Someone who I feel in my gut will do that for me. 

The T you found sounds like she is able to see what you are doing and willing to talk with you about it so imo that speaks to her professional ability (i.e., I think I would feel more trust in a T who saw that I was dissociating even though it was subtle), and respect for you (i.e., that she did address it with you says to me that she feels you can handle things).

I don't think giving complete trust to anyone right away is a good idea so I'm with you about not giving out a lot of info at least at first.  See how it goes as you say.
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on June 25, 2015, 04:57:57 PM
Thanks Kizzie, to early to really get excited about finding the right T, almost to the point of staying isolated and withdrawn as opposed to keep going through this over and over again with T's. It's safer to just go it alone and just live with animals.
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on July 04, 2015, 04:23:41 AM
Is it necessary to turn over every stone in your emotional creek to get through CPTSD? Can't you just move a few of the obstructing stones so that the flow of life will follow through?
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on July 24, 2015, 03:29:52 AM
My T is reading my Pete Walker book, pretty cool , huh? Impressive that she wants to learn more about C-PTSD for my treatment and those that follow.
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Cuthberta on August 06, 2015, 09:55:51 AM
Is it necessary to turn over every stone in your emotional creek to get through CPTSD? Can't you just move a few of the obstructing stones so that the flow of life will follow through?

Hi.

I concluded long ago (5 years?) that having the wrong therapist is far worse than not having one at all. They have the potential to cause the most immense harm; dredging up all sorts of stuff that has laid quietly for decades, stirring our emotions into turmoil, and then telling us the session/group of sessions is over; goodbye.

I used to see one Dr privately (I spent my savings with him) who always said, 'Good luck!' at the end of appointments. I thought then, what on earth is that all about? If it is down to luck why am I paying this man huge money to listen for 50 minutes, offer no help and then say good luck. He completely missed my CPTSD and DID. He said it was depression; it was far more than that.

I kept trying for 15 years, but I leave well alone now. If there is a way I can find to function less strangely in the world then I will follow it, but I don't think I will try therapists again. I am always left with the distinct impression that I am there to justify their job, so that they get paid. They get a profession, a salary and a sense of achievement. I only get plunged into intolerable turmoil for weeks and weeks, without support.

I don't know if that will help or not; I think healing comes from finding a way to move forward in life, rather than in trying to reconcile everything from the past. Others may have different experiences, and I am very happy for them if that is the case.
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on August 06, 2015, 05:10:51 PM
Hello Cuthberta and thanks for the response. I agree with you on a lot of what you said. It's been no secret that I have issues with counselors. Eerks my very core to think I have to pay someone to listen to me and I walk out not knowing anymore than when I walked in, but I'm giving it a try anyway. This T seems more in tune with trauma and PTSD, and she's making an effort to learn more about CPTSD by reading the Pete Walker book I had. That says a lot for her in my opinion. She's trying to learn more about to help me and others that follow me. To me a T is not there to "fix" me, I know that a lot of what has to be done has to be done by me. After all who knows me better than me? So if she can direct me to the right tools, and maybe a different way of thinking, that can assist me I am all for it. This is all new to me, within the past two years, and so there's a lot about it I don't understand right now. I'm determined to not be in counseling a lifetime or stay on antidepressants for any longer than needed. I had a happy life without them before and I should be able to find that place again.
The truly main Key to getting better though is finding that right T and that can be costly and frustrating. Depending where you live that could limit your resources in finding that T as well. I guess we will have to keep plugging along to find those answers.
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Cuthberta on August 07, 2015, 07:30:25 AM
I agree of course that we have to do the fixing ourselves. I think of it as asking directions, though. If I go into a session, spend 50 minutes in intense pain and then come out no wiser about what direction to follow next then I question the validity of the therapy.

I could alternatively spend a happy hour or so with a friend over coffee, and along the way find a little gem of an idea from her; a random thought or comment that will resonate, and which will give me a real sense of how to proceed. I think it is about being aware, and listening for such comments. They can appear at random;  in a book, on the radio, with a friend or even by sitting down, making a list and thinking about priorities.

There is a mystique about therapy, as if it actually offers answers. After all this time I am very doubtful that this is the case; I think it offers an opportunity for introspection for those who are not used to doing it. For those of us who are very well able to introspect, I am not sure therapy per se adds any value. I think it is the therapist him or herself who adds the value, where it occurs; some people are very gifted in interpersonal matters, and I think it is this gift that achieves anything of note.

However, as I said, others may have different experiences.
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on August 07, 2015, 08:36:28 AM
I think therapy is unique to the person. We all go in with different situations and we spill all this past, present drama on some poor unsuspecting T to sort out. Actually I'm surprised they can do as well as they do. I have researched some topics of my own and it leads to two or three other topics, and I haven't found the answers to the first topic. So expecting them to know exactly what I need is a little unfair to ask for. My problems started in childhood many, many years ago. They are not going to be resolved quickly or by any magic word. Though I do feel that in talking with the T that I will have an Ah Ha moment at some point,  and be able to return to some what of a life that I had before. If I truly felt it was a waste of time and money.....I would discontinue the sessions. But for me, it's worth trying, if this makes my life better on any level it will all be worth it.
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dutch Uncle on August 07, 2015, 09:13:44 AM
I could alternatively spend a happy hour or so with a friend over coffee, and along the way find a little gem of an idea from her; a random thought or comment that will resonate, and which will give me a real sense of how to proceed. I think it is about being aware, and listening for such comments. They can appear at random;  in a book, on the radio, with a friend or even by sitting down, making a list and thinking about priorities.

 :thumbup:

In fact during my time with the team that tried to diagnose me (at first if I had an Anxiety disorder, but soon switched to tackling my fear if I had a PD (which I don't, so they did a great job, Thanks Team  :thumbup: )), the question came up a couple of times. "What is is you want/expect, Mr. Uncle? Why have you come here?" they asked. And at times they replied to my 'wants' with: But what is it we can offer that your friends cannot offer? This seems like you 'just' want to have a nice talk, get it all of your chest. We're all in for that, but your insurance won't pay for that."

So I have been 'discharged' from the 'anxiety-ward' so to speak, and am investigating what I'd want to do in a 'private' therapy. I still think it would be good to do so, for as helpful and understanding my fiends have been, my background with my FOO, and my continued enmeshment with them (although greatly reduced by now: One NC, three LC's, coping Medium Chill with them) at times lead to a lack of understanding. Obviously, as I hardly understand it myself.

But what I actually want to say here is: I so relate to what you've just said. These gems pop up out of nowhere, and everywhere. Friends, acquaintances, a stranger in a pub or at a festival. Movies, music, TV shows, books. Sometimes even just overhearing a conversation in a queue at the bakery.


PS: I'd like to take the opportunity to say "Welcome!" to you. Great to have you aboard, Cuthberta. All of you.  :wave:
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Cuthberta on August 07, 2015, 01:45:29 PM
In fact during my time with the team that tried to diagnose me (at first if I had an Anxiety disorder, but soon switched to tackling my fear if I had a PD (which I don't, so they did a great job, Thanks Team  :thumbup: )), the question came up a couple of times. "What is is you want/expect, Mr. Uncle? Why have you come here?" they asked. And at times they replied to my 'wants' with: But what is it we can offer that your friends cannot offer? This seems like you 'just' want to have a nice talk, get it all of your chest. We're all in for that, but your insurance won't pay for that."

I always find that frustrating. If you knew what you needed to recover I have no doubt you would have gone out and made, bought, acquired somehow, the means to do it. Do they think we just sit around waiting for help?

You don't get a car mechanic saying, well, what exactly do you want us to do? You just want them to sort out the car so that it works sufficiently well to get you from a to b!

Quote
So I have been 'discharged' from the 'anxiety-ward' so to speak, and am investigating what I'd want to do in a 'private' therapy. I still think it would be good to do so, for as helpful and understanding my fiends have been, my background with my FOO, and my continued enmeshment with them (although greatly reduced by now: One NC, three LC's, coping Medium Chill with them) at times lead to a lack of understanding. Obviously, as I hardly understand it myself.

Yes, not just any old friend will do. The right kind is very rare. Otoh, a little goes a very long way, so when you find the right person you wouldn't need to see them every week, or even every month. Just to know they are there would be enough, imo.

Quote
But what I actually want to say here is: I so relate to what you've just said. These gems pop up out of nowhere, and everywhere. Friends, acquaintances, a stranger in a pub or at a festival. Movies, music, TV shows, books. Sometimes even just overhearing a conversation in a queue at the bakery.

Yes, it is about being aware; of looking for what may help. Finding a way forward.

Quote
PS: I'd like to take the opportunity to say "Welcome!" to you. Great to have you aboard, Cuthberta. All of you.  :wave:

Thank you. You won't hear the little voices very often, but they listen and watch.  :hug:
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dutch Uncle on August 07, 2015, 02:01:18 PM
You don't get a car mechanic saying, well, what exactly do you want us to do? You just want them to sort out the car so that it works sufficiently well to get you from a to b!
Excellent and valid point.  :thumbup:

Though when you go to a mechanic/garage, they will ask you: what's the problem? Does it not start? Does it not break? Will it not accelerate properly?

I'm sure there are plenty of mechanics who will turn your car inside out no matter what, and present you with the bill afterwards. Inventing some (expensive) fault in your car to 'back up' the huge bill. I have respect for these 'mechanics' that they didn't lure me in that trap.

But the whole event has been somewhat frustrating, as I've come no 'further'. But I'm very confident the 'mechanics' did check out  thoroughly what could have caused the 'troubles' I HAVE reported, and have said: "We can't fix this, and we even don't see anything wrong. It's just the model you are driving, sir. It's not a Porsche! Don't expect it to be one."  ;)

I guess I just have to learn to drive my 4x4, and get it of the highway.  ;D

Edited to add: I might even get quicker from a to b that way. I won't need to take the 100 mile highway-detour. (just a wish  ;) )
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Cuthberta on August 08, 2015, 07:12:45 AM
You don't get a car mechanic saying, well, what exactly do you want us to do? You just want them to sort out the car so that it works sufficiently well to get you from a to b!
Excellent and valid point.  :thumbup:

Though when you go to a mechanic/garage, they will ask you: what's the problem? Does it not start? Does it not break? Will it not accelerate properly?

I'm sure there are plenty of mechanics who will turn your car inside out no matter what, and present you with the bill afterwards. Inventing some (expensive) fault in your car to 'back up' the huge bill. I have respect for these 'mechanics' that they didn't lure me in that trap.

But the whole event has been somewhat frustrating, as I've come no 'further'. But I'm very confident the 'mechanics' did check out  thoroughly what could have caused the 'troubles' I HAVE reported, and have said: "We can't fix this, and we even don't see anything wrong. It's just the model you are driving, sir. It's not a Porsche! Don't expect it to be one."  ;)

I guess I just have to learn to drive my 4x4, and get it of the highway.  ;D

Edited to add: I might even get quicker from a to b that way. I won't need to take the 100 mile highway-detour. (just a wish  ;) )

Perhaps those mechanics were out of their depth. It happens. :)

A GP told me to stop aiming for the top of the mountain and to settle for living in the foothills. I changed GP, and carried on aiming for the top of the mountain.
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dutch Uncle on August 08, 2015, 07:14:17 AM
 :thumbup:
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on October 23, 2015, 04:53:00 PM
Last session we started to discuss coping strategies for EF and nightmares. If you Google these topics you can find all kind of things for this. But there is no guarantee to work all the time. Sometime if feels like the EF and Nightmares are so powerful, and pull you into them , where you can think of nothing else. So I guess getting a coping skill in there requires timing. I hardly ever remember dreams and I'm glad, one less battle to face.
Title: Re: First F2F Counselor
Post by: Dyess on November 04, 2015, 03:32:03 AM
I spoke to my T today about the EF and dissociation being so strong that it's hard to work a grounding technique in to help. She seems to think by practicing especially on the weaker EF's that eventually I can get control over the stronger ones. makes sense. We talked more about Dad today than usual. Made it through okay, but came close to drifting off many times. I'm glad we finally approached this and we made it through it. We are still working out of the CPTSD workbook. That kind of surprises me but hey, if it helps I'll do it.