:hoovering: :hoovering: :hoovering: :hoovering:
Covid19 is a great chance for FOOs like mine to attempt to :hoovering: me back in. Fortunately I talked about it with my T today, so that I'm more on my guard now.
I did read about the possibility at OOTF a week or so ago as well as some OOTF mbrs having the urge to contact those FOO mbrs with whom they are VLC to NC and other OOTF mbrs urging them not to since FOO mbr behaviour won't have changed just because of covid. I fell into the old trap of thinking that my FOO isn't as bad as those FOOs on OOTF because my FOO does seem to care, sort of. Seems to. Sort of. Except when they don't. And even if they do seem to, it's often triggering for me anyway, so I certainly do not want to allow myself to get sucked back in. As I tell others on here, comparing is not useful! My FOO is and was abusive. They are bad for me, contact with them is detrimental to me.
I just thought I'd post this here in case other mbrs are being hoovered back in.
I have no desire to know what's going on with my bio sibling. None whatsoever. And no guilt about it, either.
:cheer: :cheer: 3R! That's healthy.
My FOO did more than enough 'caring' when my DD was in hospital this year, they haven't been much in evidence since and I prefer it that way.
I have recently had my sis pulling me in to contact our father and it just reminded me of why I am no contact, nothing changes the relationship, illness, viruses, nothing.
Stay strong, stay safe.
G
I'm glad you made this post. I've been struggling with really strong urges to contact my mother. My reasons for wanting to do that are ugly, mean and passive-aggressive, but even if they weren't, contact with her would surely end up being destructive to me. I'm already struggling enough without that.
I'm glad you two both posted today! I'd been thinking of contacting one of B1's LOs, via B1 because there is no other way. I might still anyway but it's good to be reminded to be careful. None of the LOs have been any trouble yet.
The thought occured to me, but Christmas season was rough this year, so I have had a newfound validation that NC and LC is the right thing with mine. GCs told me recently that all they do is rant and rage about politics. There ya go.
It does hurt that LC N-ENd has not checked on me one bit. It doesn't occur to him how I feel. I guess he thinks I don't need my dad wondering if I'm ok. He's more concerned with why I don't call THEM, he and abusive Nsm. I've checked on them 3 times this month by text and have gotten short, narcissistic answers. No reciprocal concern or questions. The closest was "We guess you're still working online."
So, in conclusion, no one is hoovering.. :rofl:
I was explaining the situation to my T at the end of my last phone appt. Even the way I was speaking told me: no way should I be contacting the LOs. Let sleeping dogs lie and all that. It would, as I told my T, make way more sense to talk to my godson instead since he's actually around in same general geographic area and there is no trouble reaching him. My T said, well, I could slowly and carefully attempt to contact B's LO, but go slow and especially feel into how it affects me. But I actually know myself: let sleeping dogs lie. I did phone my godson today and had a chat. He's a bit younger than B's LO, but at least I know him, know what interests him, what we can talk about. And there's no danger of me getting mixed up in any FOO contortions.
However, I've gone on strike now, or part of me has. I'm not doing my T homework or much of anything in fact. Mostly mooning around sleeping, reading and wishing I had little furries again, whom I possibly couldn't look after properly atm anyway. I mean, I'm not even looking after myself properly atm. Though long ago, I looked after myself because I had to look after the little furries. However no little Furry Rescue Society is likely to say: "Of course we'd love to provide you with 2 Little Furries to keep you company during the covid semi-lockdown so that you can give them back once it's all over." This last para is a bit OT, but yeah, I just feel crazy atm.
Blueberry, I have seen several posts on Facebook about shelters being full - cats, dogs, rabbits, etc - and needing temporary foster homes until things return to normal. Idk if this is available in your area, but I thought I'd just put the idea out there. :hug:
Thanks 3R, but the Little Furries I know so much about - well there aren't many around here at all atm, which is good for said Little Furries, but bad for me. But I have at least now sent an email inquiring about possibility of doing temporary care. It is a step in the right direction.
:thumbup:
It's just as well I didn't pursue any further contact with LOs because B contacted me again. With some advice. Which i don't need. I think it's best just to ignore it, for the moment anyway. In my head I think: Excuuuuuse me - you think you know more than I do? You think I can't research that for myself? :pissed:
Mansplaining :rofl:
laughing right beside you, 3r - :rofl:
honestly, so much has happened to my D1 (nc for 5 yrs.) that i've already been guilted and shamed about not being there for her for most of her life that i just can't allow myself to care anymore - none of my caring made a difference before, how could it now? except that i'd get hurt somehow, once more. i can't afford that - my mental and emotional health are fragile enough without a burden like that tossed on top. :fallingbricks: not that i want anything to happen to her, or that i wouldn't care - she is my daughter - but i can't afford the kind of caring that would take me back into her world of torture and abuse.
same goes for any of my nc's - i did what i could when i could, and they rejected it, rejected me. so be it. it's a tough subject, for sure. hugs filled with strength and self-care to all of us struggling with this issue. :grouphug:
Oh, mansplaining? Idk exactly because M used to do it too, but has since given up. I think it's more likely to be triangulation going on behind my back. Better check if BB has thought of this! So B1 gets to send the message this time. Since I refuse to contact M the way she wants (phone), making her resort to something she 'forgets to use' for weeks on end (email). It's a financial issue. Everybody is a bit worried globally but my sibs much better placed for taking a cut than I am, but I know B1 sees M + F's money as 'family money' to not be wasted e.g. on me when I could get money from this other source I'm maybe too mentally ill to have thought of. :blowup: Of course I know about this source. I don't fit the criteria afaik, and even if I did getting pressure put on by FOO doesn't help.
I'm still VLC with FOO though, not NC.
QuoteOh, mansplaining? Idk exactly because M used to do it too....
Let's change it to "narcsplaining"! Our new phrase! Yeah I like it.... :chestbump: :yahoo:
;D
love it! :thumbup: