Out of the Storm

Symptoms => General Discussion => Topic started by: Kizzie on August 15, 2020, 04:18:20 PM

Title: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Kizzie on August 15, 2020, 04:18:20 PM
I thought I'd start a thread in which we speak about what we need/want/think/feel about having CPTSD to advocate for ourselves and raise awareness. 

You are welcome to substitute the word "others" to something more specific such as "my family/children/friends/therapist.

Title: Re: Something I want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Kizzie on August 15, 2020, 04:18:58 PM
Something I want others to know about CPTSD is ....

... it is not about being disordered in some way, it's about responding to traumatic stress in ways I had to to get through, being injured psychologically and physically, and in need of supportive, compassionate and effective treatment.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: sanmagic7 on August 15, 2020, 10:42:35 PM
. . .

i don't keep wanting to relive my past - it continues to bait and trap me in my present.  if i could just let it go, i would. 
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: sigiriuk on August 16, 2020, 11:04:56 AM
Something I want others to know about CPTSD is ....it is very hard to speak out, because of feelings of shame.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Bach on August 16, 2020, 12:45:56 PM
Something I want people to know about CPTSD is that it's real and has a cause and I am not delusional, malevolent or dangerous.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: findingpeace2018 on August 16, 2020, 01:41:03 PM
Something I want people to know about CPTSD is that it is not a sign of weakness.  In fact, its proof of my strength.  Its how I survived everything meant to destroy me.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: reefdv on August 16, 2020, 01:49:29 PM
Something I want people to know about CPTSD is that it gives me the ability to detect deception, like a Geiger Counter; very sensitive to *! So be straight with me or else!
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Kizzie on August 16, 2020, 03:30:07 PM
... how tiring it is to deal with the symptoms of CPTSD at the same time as being a parent, spouse, employer/employee, student, community member, friend, family member...
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: rainydiary on August 16, 2020, 03:31:56 PM
I want others to know how hard I have to work to participate in my life and with others.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Bach on August 16, 2020, 06:22:43 PM
Quote from: rainydiary on August 16, 2020, 03:31:56 PM
I want others to know how hard I have to work to participate in my life and with others.

Yes! This all day every day.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: woodsgnome on August 16, 2020, 07:24:18 PM
Something I'd like others to know about c-ptsd:

Don't assume it's at all like ptsd. It can be, but not always, and its name is only an attempt to generalize what might include multiple damaging traumas.

I'm being honest about what happened, and I need the same sort of response. Listen to what I'm really saying, without judgement. The worst is when you pretend you're listening but then treat me as if I'm too damaged for you to want to be around.

I'm not a damaged victim, though judgemental sorts of people -- even if they consider themselves as 'caring' -- can make me feel like one. I'm sensitive, yes; but also very curious about some things that badly hurt me and how I can live in spite of that. These hurts were senseless to begin with, and their results can be incredibly hard to deal with even decades later.

Please, I don't need false comfort or pretend analyses or top-down sorts of advice. I only need honest listening. And a response as if I'm human, not some weak simpleton who couldn't handle life.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: findingpeace2018 on August 16, 2020, 10:46:58 PM
I second woodsgnome's statements.   What an intelligent take on our suffering.  Thank you so much woodsgnome.  That was so comforting to read.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Blueberry on August 17, 2020, 08:51:51 AM
I want others to know that it only looks as if I have all this free time on my hands. When I'm not working full-time (most of the time) or not working at all (some of the time), I need my time and my energy for me and for my healing. It's not a non-stop holiday. And I most certainly do not have the time or energy to help others, especially not to take on their volunteer jobs or around the house-and-garden jobs for which they 'don't have time due to work demands'.

Healing from cptsd is work, you just don't make any money out of it directly.

In fact it's really hard work.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: rainydiary on August 17, 2020, 11:08:35 AM
I wish others would know my reactions are more than "being anxious" - I am actively rexperiencing the emotional overwhelm of my trauma.   

I wish others knew how my brain doesn't give me a break even in sleep. 
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Blueberry on August 17, 2020, 03:16:04 PM
Quote from: rainydiary on August 17, 2020, 11:08:35 AM
I wish others would know my reactions are more than "being anxious" - I am actively rexperiencing the emotional overwhelm of my trauma.   

:yeahthat:

In a similar bent, cptsd is not 'just depression' either, it's way more. In fact being in one of my severe depressive phases is in itself an active reexperiencing of the only way I could regularly deal in childhood with abuse and neglect, especially emotional abuse and neglect.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Kizzie on August 17, 2020, 03:17:57 PM
Something I want therapists and govt/private health care funders to know is few professionals and funders provide enough or specific treatment for CPTSD/Relational Trauma. Given CPTSD is the result of ongoing relational trauma we need relational trauma strategies (among others) to recover. This requires more time and commitment than 8 sessions of CBT so more funding needed!
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Kizzie on August 17, 2020, 03:24:29 PM
Something I want medical/MH professionals AND survivors to know is ....

...ongoing relational trauma not only results in psychological injury, but physical comorbidities also that are debilitating/life threatening (e.g., diabetes, cardiac disease, cancer, inflammation, addiction, obesity ...). 
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: OceanStar on August 17, 2020, 03:29:49 PM
Something I want others to know about CPTSD...

...sometimes talking is not helpful a problem shared is not a problem halved. I do not talk to you because I don't like you it's because it will not help, it will cause my symptoms to become worse.

...you can never know what's it's like, accept that I may begin to be able to trust you.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Not Alone on August 21, 2020, 04:07:54 AM
There is no finish line. When you ask me if I'm making progress, it gives me the message that you want me to be the "put-together" person that I show to the world. I am changing and growing and there are internal shifts, but it is slow and winding. Just accept me where I am. Don't expect me to reach a finish line that doesn't exist for me.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Not Alone on August 21, 2020, 04:14:19 AM
Even when you don't know what to say, hearing &/or showing that you care about me, does help.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Bermuda on September 19, 2020, 12:49:42 PM
To random people who don't think before speaing:
I would want people to know that it's not all in my head.
It's not something to be gotten over, and that no amount of putting the best foot forward will make the past disappear.
No amount of smiling will outshine the past.

The effects are very real, and it's not to get anyone's attention.
I don't want attention. I don't want to have to explain myself.
I don't want to be a pariah, or to be seen as unwell, because I am well.
I am normal. My life story is my own, and it's not a lie, and it's
not something for you to judge... Is my affliction proportionate to
the  suffering I endured? It's not your place to tell me.
It's not helping me. It's nothing I haven't heard before.
And yes, I have considered how my abusers feel.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: marta1234 on September 19, 2020, 10:48:55 PM
Quote from: Bermuda on September 19, 2020, 12:49:42 PM
And yes, I have considered how my abusers feel.
:yeahthat:
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Three Roses on September 21, 2020, 02:05:36 PM
I'd like others to know that cptsd is manifested in the brain and body; the damage is physiological and neurological and therefore cannot be healed by "thinking differently". That I'm not a weak person for having been affected, in fact I'm strong because I've survived it.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Bella on January 20, 2021, 02:56:23 PM
This is an old thread, but I wanted to write something anyway
What I want others to know about CPTSD is... how debilitating it can be, and how much it actually affects the way survivors think and feel. There is actually a reason it's so hard to truly trust someone. There is a reason for why my insecurities and fears skyrockets the closer I get to another human being. I truly long for real friendships, but my insecurities push everybody away... intense pain!
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: blue_sky on July 27, 2023, 11:32:07 PM
What I want my parents to know about CPTSD is... I know it happened a long time ago but it's still very fresh in my head and I can't just "forgive" because your religion says so. It doesn't get better when I am busy. It's just that you don't witness it when I'm busy. And please stop asking me "what can we do to make you feel better?" If i had that answer, i would do that myself. And don't be ashamed of my "poor health". Just because I need some sleeptime after doing a task doesn't mean I am a weakling. I can actually do more tasks because I have my sleeptime to pull myself together.

What I would looooveee my work colleagues to know about CPTSD is... Just because you have a lot of sick leave and never take a sick day doesn't make you stronger or bigger. Stop glorifying coming to work when you're sick. I have to take sick days almost every week/fortnight but I do compensate when I am at work and get the tasks done.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Saluki on August 28, 2023, 06:58:57 PM
Quote from: Kizzie on August 17, 2020, 03:17:57 PMSomething I want therapists and govt/private health care funders to know is few professionals and funders provide enough or specific treatment for CPTSD/Relational Trauma. Given CPTSD is the result of ongoing relational trauma we need relational trauma strategies (among others) to recover. This requires more time and commitment than 8 sessions of CBT so more funding needed!

Something I want my mother and her toxic family to know is that I was never "pretending to be disabled". I couldn't "just get a job" because I already had CPTSD from their abuse and neglect, but due to having insufficient help or therapy for my needs I ended up in another violent abusive relationship that further traumatised me.

I didn't become addicted to substances for FUN! It was a trauma response and a coping mechanism.

No one grows up with the childhood dream of becoming an IV addict.

I couldn't have "just got a job". I wasn't "taking the money from real disabled people who needed it".

I was, and still am incapacitated by the long term effects of CSA, SA, child neglect, child abuse, DV...

And just because I refuse to be a victim doesn't mean I can heal on my own.

And just because I got help for my addiction doesn't mean I'm okay now.

And just because I had an addiction doesn't make me an untouchable.

(Damn, I knew I was angry, but I only came to say "Exactly "!
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Bermuda on August 28, 2023, 07:21:30 PM
Saluki, although you and I coped in different ways, I feel and relate to those sentiments so well.
You were disabled. It is debilitating. Addiction is real, just like trauma is. It's not your fault.
Everyone wants to do well, to be well.

I wanted to add to my original reply to the thread:
I want other survivors to know that it does get better, even though the past will always be the past. It's as if you see the world in tunnel vision when CPTSD is at it's worst, but as time goes on and you begin to heal and get yourself in a good place, you are able to see the tunnel. You can step outside it, and look at it. It's still there, but you are not trapped in it.

I want professionals to know that no amount of will-power or reframing can make someone with CPTSD take a step out of the tunnel and see it for what it is. There is no amount of strength that can silence CPTSD. The more you try to convince someone to be strong, the more it triggers the shame and the silencing and the self-distancing that IS CPTSD.

We need the compassion and understanding from ourselves and others.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Saluki on August 28, 2023, 10:34:29 PM
Wow, thank you Bermuda.

I very much appreciate your words. It's good to be understood. Not many do.
That immense pressure to be okay is overwhelming. I can't do it any more.
I have been off disability for 6 years now, desperately trying to be okay and failing miserably. I wanted to prove to people that I could succeed at life but in reality I just ended up in poverty because I can barely afford to pay the rent. In the process of applying for PIP at the moment and feeling like an imposter even though I'm barely functioning. I feel like a robot trying to go through the motions. Hearing that really helped. Thank you.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Kizzie on August 30, 2023, 05:02:28 PM
Complex relational trauma and Complex PTSD stay with us over the span of our lives. It doesn't go completely away, we just learn how to manage it.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Fraying on September 27, 2023, 05:45:06 PM
Quote from: Saluki on August 28, 2023, 06:58:57 PMDamn, I knew I was angry, but I only came to say "Exactly "!

I so relate!
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Saluki on September 28, 2023, 02:41:50 AM
I just thought of something else: I pretended to be doing better than I was to my therapist because I thought I SHOULD be doing better. I was in some ways but not in others. I got stuck in everyone wants a happy ending land so I wrote my own happy ending but then I couldn't live up to it. I tried: I really really tried. But I couldn't do it. I think it's important professionals are aware a lot of us do that: pretend to be okay when we're not because it's expected of us. It's expected of a lot of us to pretend to be okay from birth. We learn to shut up because our crying gets us punished.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Bert on September 28, 2023, 08:41:32 AM
I couldn't agree more with Saluki... And not only to my therapist, but to everyone.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Moondance on September 28, 2023, 11:12:32 AM
Yes I agree as well. I believe it's very much ingrained in us to pretend we are okay when we are not.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: NarcKiddo on September 28, 2023, 02:35:42 PM
I agree, too.

I want people to know that our logical brain can perfectly well understand that a situation is safe but that does not stop our emotional brain from sounding the emergency klaxon and battening down the hatches. Until our emotional brain has lived experience of safety it WILL NOT respond to reason, no matter what our logical brain does. The dissonance between the logical and emotional can be unbearable. This means that healing can sometimes feel like one step forward and ten steps back. The one step forward is when you engage your logical brain and understand in theory that, say, person X is safe. Then person X does or says something that does not feel safe due to your trauma, and emotional brain kicks in. The ten steps back feeling is when logical brain is engaged just enough that you can see your own emotional (over)reaction but cannot alter it.

Healing is not linear and a ten steps back blip does not mean that healing is not happening.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Bermuda on September 29, 2023, 07:17:25 AM
That is so so true NK.
Title: Re: Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...
Post by: Moondance on September 29, 2023, 01:28:48 PM
Yes so very true Bermuda and even some trauma informed people really don't get it so yes I would very much would like others to know this.

I would like for others to know that being pushy about anything at all, whether covertly or not that this pushiness is retraumatizing especially at the beginning of recovery or healing.